My H met OW in May in vet school. He said he persued her 2 weeks after meeting her. I spent the months of July and August with him. But he was hardly there "I was at the library". i went home to the states at the end of Aug. They moved in together in Sept. I thought they were just friends. he came home 12- 20-01 Dday was 12-31-01. he left and went back to the islands with her on the 4th of Jan. He has e-mailed me twice and called twice. He sent me flowers on V day. He says all the classic WS lines. Love you, not in love, i'm confused i need time etc.<p> Everyone here seems to have their WS at home with them from time to time or have some contact, some chance to talk things out and deposit L$. My h has put us in plan b. he has $10,000 placed in his account every month in loans. So he does not need me for $$. I am keeping our home going. i pay all our bills etc. I stayed working in the states to help pay interest on loans. I do not have his phone #. He does not answer my e-mails or tell me if he has gotten any of my letters or cards.<p> With my H living with OW on a tropical island going to school(following his dream to be a vet, thanks to me saying yes), soooooooo deep in the fog, cutting off contact.... DO I HAVE ANY HOPE? I fear with them together 24/ 7 they solidify their love. Their relationship gets stronger because i have no chance to do anything about it. I have no chance to defend or save or marriage. They will be there until next April.<p> He never gave me a chance. When he left in May i sent him at least seven cards a week saying how much i loved him, how proud I was, how much i missed him etc. i took care of everything for him because it was my turn to be the giver in our relationship. I never saw this coming. He dropped the bomb an left the next day.
i am afraid he will be the three percent that marries the OW because of the unusual circumstances. he does not want to work on M he is in heaven with OW. No responsibilities. Just school and fun with her. It is very easy to be spontaneous when you don't have to pay any bills or go to work. Especially when a bank fills your account every month.
Sorry this is scattered. Any input?

I wish I had a crystal ball that would answer your questions...but I don't. One bright spot in all this darkness, tho. He isn't living a normal life while he is there. I can understand why the change in location and the reaching for dreams might become confused with other areas of his normal life. (Will he be coming back April 2002 or April 2003?) If it is this year, I see more hope then if it is next. While I know your heart is torn into tiny pieces, when he returns and begins on his new career, things will not be all roses and sunsets. It is VERY hard to get a practice set up and going and thriving, likely he'll be face with going into an already established practice and he'll also have the burdens of paying back all those loans he's using for his "fun and games" along with his education. And if he attempts to begin a new practice on his own, the cost will be much, much higher and the risk of failure increased. If he has to add in the cost of a divorce and settling of accounts to separate your monies that will definitely take some of the "bloom" off the rose colored glasses. (Plus if they stay together, they are likely to have double the student loans to repay...that's a heavy burden for any couple and one that will sink many a relationship.)<p>If however it is 2003 before he returns...and he continues on the path he has choosen up to this point, I doubt that no matter how he may feel when he returns, you will have move on in your life and left his @$$ in the dust.<p>It's up to you and your courage and determination and commitment to decide how long you wish to stay in the marriage and continue to hope that things will improve. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks Wifey,
He has two vets in our home town that want him to come and practice with them. He would not open his own practice. He said he is willing to give that up to follow her to where she wants to go. He was never a follower. We always were side by side. He will be done on the island in April or August of 2003. then they come back to a state school for a year. if they are both chosen for the same school i am doomed.<p> What if i go down there fro a year? he will not quit school. At least if i was there he would have more of an opportunity to see me. Now I am out of sight out of mind. Only 2 phone calls and two e-mails in fifty some odd days seems dismal. i am losing hope. i think our situation is worse than others due to the distance. oh no.
Forgiver