I have a question for the forum,
I have been married for 14 years. We married at 17 and 19 with a child out of wedlock. It has been an up and down marriage for 14 years but I always thought that we were strong, like a team, facing things together. My problem is that she went away with a friend last weekend and I contacted her frequently at the bar (really making her mad), then after the bar closed, she went with some new friends she met and spent the night there. I know because I called at 4 AM when they were partying and, of course, really angered her. When she got back from her trip, she screamed at me and told me I didn’t give her any space and that she needed a break (very justifiable)- then when she got home, she told me she was calling her mom and I found out that she was talking to her new male friend. I blew up and she told me that they were friends and that there was nothing to worry about. Then yesterday, she was talking to him on the phone and the phone cut out and she ran out of here to call him on a pay phone. (All calls to him have been with a calling card). When she got back, we had a 5 hour discussion and she stated she needed to go back to “find herself” and she needed a break from the family- me and our 4 boys- I said it was crap, but she said she needed to do this. Now I have contacted a lawyer for a divorce because 1. she keeps calling “her friend” that she screams that she did nothing with and 2. she stated that she has been unhappy in the last 7 years (hello! I had no idea!) and she no longer knows if she is in love with me.
So she goes one way and states that she will leave with the clothes on her back and then she states that the whole divorce thing is ridiculous. I think she wants to fly, but is scared because she (we) have no money and one car. I told her that I would be keeping the children and she said fine. Many tears flowed last night as we talked, I gathered after our discussion that this whole thing was my fault because of my lack of trust. I feel it’s a snow job for the real truth, she no longer loves me and has interest in someone else. Any guesses from this mess? Any comments? Does she go and “find herself” for the next two weeks as I think we are still married or do I just go ahead with the divorce. I love her and want to be friends if anything happens to us, I just don’t want to be lied to- Am I being lied to?<p>Thanks,
Kent

And please let me add that I am willing to do anything to make this work for my family except be a doormat.<p>Thanks!

Kent - it sounds like your wife is having an affair. I'm so sorry! Read up on the MB principles here - if you want your marriage to work, you have to start Plan A....Do not head straight for divorce right now...that will not work.

I have no idea how to navigate to the MB principles!
Please help,
Sorry!
Kent

All the symbols have me frustrated- what is plan A? It may take a couple of times to learn these~

Kent I agree with Shannon1, your wife(W) is probably having an affair(A). Her outburst when she came back from the weekend accusing you of not giving her any 'space' and that 'she no longer knows if she is in love with you' are all part of the wayward spouse (WS) lingo we call alienspeak.<p>To find the MB principles go to the top of the page and under the title Marriage Builders click on the 'concept' button and it should take you to the basic MB concepts page.<p>To find out about plan A and plan B go to:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Kent
Now I have contacted a lawyer for a divorce because 1. she keeps calling &#8220;her friend&#8221; that she screams that she did nothing with and 2. she stated that she has been unhappy in the last 7 years (hello! I had no idea!)<hr></blockquote><p>I agree with you in contacting a divorce lawyer because you need to know what your rights are IF a divorce becomes inevitable.<p>If she was unhappy for the last 7 years, she had an obligation not only to herself but to you, the children and the marriage to tell you right out that she was not happy. At that point, you both could have gone to a marriage counselor to resolve the issues that were causing her unhappiness.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
So she goes one way and states that she will leave with the clothes on her back and then she states that the whole divorce thing is ridiculous.<hr></blockquote><p>Most unfaithful spouses do not want to end their marriages because they are afraid that if they change their minds about their affairs, there won't be anything to return to. Her saying that 'the whole divorce thing is ridiculous' proves that point. Cheating spouses are a cowardly bunch that want their cake and they want to eat it at the same time (cake eaters). <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
I gathered after our discussion that this whole thing was my fault because of my lack of trust. I feel it&#8217;s a snow job for the real truth, she no longer loves me and has interest in someone else.<hr></blockquote><p>You are right, it is a snow job.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Any guesses from this mess? Any comments? Does she go and &#8220;find herself&#8221; for the next two weeks as I think we are still married or do I just go ahead with the divorce. I love her and want to be friends if anything happens to us, I just don&#8217;t want to be lied to- Am I being lied to?
Thanks<hr></blockquote><p>The fact that she is trying to hide her conversations with the other man (OM) should be proof enough that she is lying. Steve Harley, one of MB's founder, beleives that it is the right of every spouse to snoop around spouses stuff to discover any incriminating evidence.<p>If she is having an emotional affair (EA) with her male friend or other man (OM), those two weeks to 'find herself' will probably consumate into a physical affair (PA) and she'll then be so wrapped up in a fantasy world that she'll shut any efforts from you to come home and work on resolving the real issues that are causing her unhappiness. And yes, she will lie to you, big time, and will try to make you feel guilty for thinking such things about her.<p>If you proceed with the divorce and she gets served with the divorce papers during the two weeks of 'finding herself' she just might come out of la la land enough to realize that this is serious business and it just may cause her to think twice about what the consequences of her affair will bring her.<p>If she comes to her senses (don't hold your breath) and pleads with you to give her another chance, do so with the condition that she writte a letter of no contact to the OM and to go to a marriage counselor with you. BUT DO NOT DROP THE DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS because many a time an unfaithful spouse pretends that he/she wants to work on rebuilding the marriage when in reality they are only interested in buying time to reestablish his/her affair. That is why if you read the threads in this forum you will come to the term 'roller coaster' to depict the emotional ride that the betrayed spouses go thru because their wayward spouses can not make up their minds whether they want the other person (OP) or whether they want their S's(spouses).<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Thanks Joe and thank you Shannon,
I went to the lawyer today and he told me what I must do and what to expect. When I got home and told her that I had been to the lawyers today, she cried and told me that she can’t believe that I would do something like this. (Just what the lawyer told me what would happen). I remained strong and went about my daily routine. When I got home, it was all cheers and smiles from my wife- no Xanax today (everyday since she told me that she needed a break, she has been popping xanax- prescribed to her, but not abused until now). I was trying to get my refund check to get her on her way to her “trip of self discovery” (which changed from 2 weeks to a 2 day thing). When I told her that I couldn’t get my refund for 24 to 48 hours, she was very cool about it and seemed fine. She stated that it was no big deal and she could go whenever. Later this evening, while on the computer, I did a history check and found driving directions to his house and a Radisson page for reservations in the same area. When confronted about this she said, “why are you doing this to me, I need his address to return a sweater that I borrowed when I was with him & friends” – Whatever- I tucked the kids in and we went to a bar down the street to have a beer or two. Then, at the bar, she told me that we ought to find a sitter and go out together this weekend, just the two of us. Slap me in the face! What did I hear?! First she is no longer in love with me and needs to get away for 2 weeks because she has to “find herself”, then the next day, she loves me but needs at least 2 days to decide what she wants to do with her life, now tonight we are supposed to go out together. I was very confused. I told her to just stick with leaving when we got the money. When we got back from the bar, I was invited to bed with her to tuck her in. Hugging turned into kissing and feeling, then a request for “love making”. I told her it was not fair and that I was too confused for this right now. I was then told that she was sorry that I hated her. Made me feel like crap, but I stuck to my guns and got out of bed. Now for my question~ What the heck is going on? I am like a nervous rabbit. Stomach in knots, I haven’t eaten in three days- just the thought of food sickens me. And now she want to have sex, not go on a trip of self realization by herself and still states that I am an idiot to think something happened on that first trip. Sigh***** is this normal?

I have just written her a letter that she will read when she gets up and I am not here~ please review it and tell me if this is stupid or not.
Thank you!<p>Laura,
I love you dearly. My hope for us to find some reconciliation in our relationship. I have everything to gain from us being together and I don’t want to lose you. If you can stay away from Wisconsin and calling your friend on a daily basis, maybe we can go to counseling to figure ourselves out. I fell in love you the first time I met you, I keep falling in love with you day after day. I think we have many strong points together and I think we can weed out the weak. Together, we can watch out boys grow up to be men; watch our grandchildren be born; watch the world together on the front porch. I would sacrifice myself at your feet if we can work things out and you can put Wisconsin behind you. I don’t want to file for a divorce; it has never been a part of my thinking. My thoughts are that we have so much to fight for. So much happiness we have seen together. I know we have many financial problems, but we have come this far and hopefully we can overcome this money thing. It has been a tough road, but maybe if I can fill the pot holes and you can clear the debris, we can have a smooth ride. Please let me know what your plans are- I know, with your involvement, we can change and be happy with our relationship!
Love always and forever,<p>Kent

She is obviously terrified that you've shown her that YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE HER LIES ANYMORE and that you will divorce her if she choses to continue lying to you. Talk to her about going to a marriage counselor to discuss what issues are behind her affair.<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Thanks Joe,
I will find a person to help us out in the AM. If she refuses, then I know that it just is too late. I hope that she does not!!!!<p>Thanks again!
Kent

As far as the letter is concerned, it is excellent. You did not accuse her of anything and were not disrespectful or judgemental and you told her how much you love her. If she feels any love for you she will be touched and hopefully you will be able to convince her that if both of you put all your efforts in rebuilding your marriage, she and you will have many happy years together.<p>In addition to going to a good marriage counselor, I would recomend purchasing some of the books from Marriage Builders. They're not that expensive and they're very well written.<p>Is Xanax an anti-depressant? If it is, then your wife should not drink any alcohol since alcohol is a classified as a depressant.<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe

Kent -<p>A bit of a contray opinion...<p>Don't make her chose at this point. She needs to come to that decision on her own.<p>Tell her how you feel, what you want, and don't even mention the OM (other man) at this time.<p>You DON'T know if an affair is occuring. At this point, it may be nothing more than an EA (emotional affair), one in which she may currently feel closer to the OM. The last thing you want to do is to give any indication of an ultimatum to someone that is not rational and that is living in the "fog." I don't think you want to risk that she will chose him, and in fact, an ultimatum may push her to him (he likely is not making any demands of her).<p>This is a horrible time in your life, I know. When my WW (wayward wife) moved out, I actually spent three hours helping her find an apartment, only to be told after she found one, that she planned to build a relationship with the OM. The last thing I could do or wanted to do in that situation was make a demand. That does not mean you have to be a doormat but it does mean you have to be willing to let her come to her own decisions.<p>In my case, the OM eventually ended it, my WW told me she wanted to work on the marriage (she is starting to come out of the "fog" and to realize how wrong it was and how it would never had worked with the two of them). We are still living seperately but we are working on our marriage. I don't let myself be a doormat by not immediately letting her back into my life. NOW is the time that she needs to demonstrate to me that she has no contact with the OM and that she is willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage (and the same goes for me).<p>If your wife is involved with the OM in some manner, she will need to go through a withdrawal period where basically nothing you do will make a difference. That does not mean that you don't do it anyway, that just means don't have any expectations of a favorable response. When she does eventually come out of the fog, she will remember how kind you were during her withdrawal. It WILL mean something to her. My wife never realized how much I loved her (my fault) until she saw just how understanding I could be during this and how I stuck by her, regardless of how bad she treated me.<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: Longing ]</p>

Longing,
Thanks for the reply. This will be very hard for me to do (sit back and let her decide), but maybe that has been the REAL problem anyway, at this point I am willing to try anything.
Thanks again,
Kent

To Longing:<p>I think it is great news that your WW has finally seen the truth about the OM. You receiving that e-mail letter was a vindication of your efforts to change and determination to save your M and I wish you the best for you and your W.<p>Now to take a different viewpoint. I read on your thread 'If you just found out, read you can recover' and just prior to the letter you warn the reader that this is not necessarily how their M's will turn out. I agree, and the reason is because if the other man truly loved your WW and shown her with deeds, then you would have truly lost your wife for good. Lucky for you the OM turned up to be less than a good man and dumped your WW and that ended the A. But if he had not, then it would have been the end of your M.<p>Let's not give Kent false hope that his WW is going to come out of 'the fog' and realize that Kent is the better man for her. Kent needs to know that if he does decide to follow in your footsteps that in the worst case scenario, he will have become a better man for a future relationship with a woman that knows what a marriage vow is. That he will have the tools to hopefully 'affair proof' any possible future M.<p>Another man's plan A is another man's doormat.<p>The last thing I want to say to you is that you are now in the position of beign a great mentor to anybody that wants to follow the MB plans of action. Your advice to them is invaluable and your experience priceless.<p>To Kent:<p>Plan A and plan B are for people, betrayed spouses, that are committed in saving and rebuilding their marriages. You need to be aware that implementing these two plans can be devastating painful. THEY ARE NOT A SURE THING but then again nothing in life is, isn't it?<p>If you do decide to follow the MB plans of action, I can not think of a greater mentor than Longing. You will go thru hell, and a man like Longing can be your guide out of it.<p>I do stand by my beleif that your wife is most likely having an affair. And one good way to find out is by telling her that you want to go with her to return the sweater to her 'friend' and watching what her reaction is. If she says that it is not necessary for you to do so, tell her that she is right but that you insist on going with her anyway. If she gets upset and starts yelling that why you don't trust her just tell her that if she is telling the truth that there is no reason for her to get upset about you going with her.<p>Most affairs depend on lies and secrecy to thrive. I agree with Longing that you can not force your wife to do anything she doesn't want to do and that SHE HAS TO CHOSE AND WANT TO WORK ON THE MARRIAGEin order for you and her to be truly happily married. But at the same time (sorry Longing) SHE HAS TO KNOW THAT YOU DEMAND TOTAL HONESTY FROM HER IF SHE WANTS TO STAY MARRIED TO YOU, AND IN TURN YOU WILL NOT ACT JUDGEMENTAL AND DISRESPECTFUL TOWARDS FOR HER TOTAL HONESTY TO YOU. And just as she has the right to chose what she wants to do with her life and nobody has a right to take that right, YOU ALSO HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO BE FORCED BY ANYBODY TO DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DO NO WANT TO DO. YOU MUST ALSO LET HER KNOW THIS TOO.<p>Best of luck and God bless.<p>Joe<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Thanks Joe,
Everyone’s words in the forum are great. I am just deciphering what will work best in my scenario. Now check this out…. In my now 5 day long check point of reality, I am struck with the fact that I want a divorce and she is crying to friends. I am the cruel person now. She weeps on the phone and takes sister in law downstairs for a talking to. “I can’t believe you asked me for a divorce, you want me out, you don’t love me”. Now I am defending myself, “you told me that you didn’t love me, that we really had no marriage….”. It just freaks me out. The 2 week long trip that changed to 2 days has now been cancelled. She wants to stay here with me and be “the object of your control”. She no longer wants to leave but I see an anxious side of her I have never seen. She is ready to jump out of her skin and gets on the phone the minute I leave. Today we decided to go to lunch and she ordered a beer, than another, then another- I asked why- “because this is what you really hate, right?” and after a 12 hour binge of beer slamming, she snores in bed tonight. I had to drop her off at a local bar tonight, tuck my kids into bed, go pick her up from the bar. She didn’t want to leave the bar and couldn’t make it to the bathroom without help, then I come home, make the kids lunches and then fight off the crotch grabs again as I tuck her in. She is drinking SO heavy right now. It is really too bad- I love her and I want us to be happy. I am developing a co-dependency now that I don’t like. <p>I did ask her today if we should mail the sweater back to her friend because she was not going to go there after all- she dismissed the whole idea. ARGGHHHH- I am so confused. We have been on a roller coaster ride for 5 days now. We go from love to argue to pick on to guilt to sadness and then back again. <p>I am really pleased with this message thingy, it has given me wonderful insight~
I only hope that I am not a pain!<p>Thanks!

Oh yea,
I called a counselor today and made an appointment. I told her that if she didn’t want to go, it was ok- I was going anyway. She said that sounded like a good idea.

Her drinking till she's ****-faced might be a sign of forced withdrawl from the other man.<p>In any case, I hate to tell you that unless she starts going to counseling and coming totally clean with you about what is happening with her, the future survival of your marriage is in serious doubt.<p>Hopefully your counselor can give you much more practical advise on how to bring her about in the total honesty department.<p>Best of luck and God bless.<p>Joe

Hi Kent. I just finished reading a post from the Divorcing/Divorced forum that I thought might be of interest to you.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Almostthrough:
Over the last 6 weeks I have been doing everything that I could to try to save my marriage. My wife has told me I was controlling and that she wanted out. I read about 8 books and learned alot about myself and her as well. I am in a separate bedroom, but she isn't satisfied. She wants me out of the house because she can't be confronted with me every day. She had EA, assume that is all, over the phone for the past 2 - 3 months which she says she stopped immediately when I found out. (When all this started).
Initially her friends were supporting her but now they apparently aren't as much because they don't agree with her choices. They are trying to support her but not agree which is making her mad. I don't know if ANYONE actually agrees with her. She says that she has NO CONFIDENCE in her decisions right now but (In her gut) she knows this is right.<p>Well, I thought she was progressing through all her anger but last night when we talked I can see that she is fighting everyone and everything right now. We have two children whom we both love. I am so afraid that when I move out they will feel like I have abandoned them. I want to tell them that it isn't me, it is your mom who doesn't want me here, but that will only put them against her which does them no good.<p>I just can't believe that she is so against trying. I tried to "take her down a good scenario" last night in which we reconcile and both learn to meet the other's needs, but a little ways into it she just couldn't handle it and got up and said "it is too far away". She just doesn't want to try and it is killing me. She is so afraid and yet so damn stubborn. Her best friend called last night. I answered and apparently my answering words makes her think that now we (friend and I) are in cahoots so to speak. <p>Anyway, I feel like I am about through. I have incredible strength and desire but last night took alot out of me. I thought she was working through this stuff but it doesn't seem like she is. We are seeing a counselor separately and I asked her if she thought going more often would help. She said the only thing she has gotten out of going was affirmation that me moving out would be a good thing. She has gone about 6 times and has progressed no further than that. <p>I have seen the counselor since she has and my take on it is that time may be the answer, not that moving out was the only thing, however I am not even sure what the question is.
She feels (to me) to be fighting the world and she just thinks it is because the world is against her, not maybe because she could just be against what the rest of the world thinks. <p>I love her very much, but last night was the first time I wondered whether with her lack of commitment, it really mattered. I can't keep our marriage together myself, and I KNOW that I can't have a happy marriage if I am the only one trying. I can't give on everything. I was not the only part of our marriage that needed help.<p>She says she knows I am not the only problem, but when she got frustrated last night she blurted out "I like who I have been". She doesn't even see her contribution to our problems. She doesn't want to see that she was a part of OUR behavior, not that I just ruled the house. In fact I always thought of her as being the general leader of the house. Sure I got my way alot, but she acts as if I came home and jumped on a throne and started giving orders. That is simply not the case. I did come home and start the kids on homework. I did have expectations about what our boys should be doing, but my expectations don't seem to be out of alignment with the rest of the world as far as I can see. <p>She feels vendicated now that I have admitted that I have been controlling in alot of ways. So now all the feelings that she has and every instance that she can think of is true. She feels that I am controlling because I don't want her to drink and drive or have open containers in the car. She feels that I am controlling because I worry about her when she stays out at the bars until 2:30am. "You should just trust me and not worry" she says. Ha, I used to trust her but I always worried, not because of an affair thing, but because I just loved her and worried about her being out late and possibly being in danger. She thinks I am controlling because I got angry when we were broke and she went out and bought a pair of shoes. She says "I am an adult and if I want to go and buy shoes, then I can, and I will accept the responsibility." She has a fixed income, but I can moonlight so everything extra means that I have to work more in order to get it. And NO I don't overlord and control the money, but I think I should still have a say in how it is spent in certain situations just as she should.<p>I don't know. I really love her and want to be able to have a good marriage. She has no commitment and is in such a place right now that she can't see anything real. She recognizes that she is having a hard time, but appears to think it is because of everyone else, rather than herself. <p>I just don't know anymore how long I can hold on. I am worried that by the time this is all settled that my feelings may have changed so much in the process that I will no longer care. I don't want that at all, but last night just killed me.<hr></blockquote><p>And here's the reply.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hubby:
DO NOT LEAVE! STAY IN THE HOUSE!
I know that 6 weeks have been an eternity, but it is still too early. Your wife is still in the confused state. She has feelings for this person and here selfishness is in control. She has these feelings and that is all that matters. What you are seeing is exactly what I saw in my wife. Your wife may still be in contact with this other person. If you leave, it just allows her to become fully committed to the A. If you leave it also leaves you in a very bad place when it comes to custody of the children. Once you leave she can claim you left the family and you will not be able to come back to the house. <p>My wife committed A with a neighbor, 18 months later started communicating again and I stopped that. 7 month later she started communicating again and started A 5 month later before I discoved it again. For 5 weeks after the last discovery, our house was just like yours. 5 weeks after discovery, while I was at work, she packed her bags and the kids bags and left the state to her mothers 650 miles way. Ater 5 days and while I was consulting an attorney to have the kids brought back to the state by court order inwhich she knew I would do and was told I could do by her attorney, she asked to come back home to work things out. While she was gone, reality hit her head on. It has now been 17 months and everything is great. <p>You need to stay at home. If she wants to move out, tell her you are ok with that but let her know that you have no intention on having less than 50% custody. Currently, she would like you to leave and never to appear again. She could then have an affair and also have her kids. You need to apply the marriage builder principles and just wait. She will continue to act the way does while 1) she is still in contact with the OP; and 2) while she has not given up on her feelings toward the OP. Once she realizes what she could be giving up with the children, at that time she may start thinking logical again but up to this point, her feelings are making her decisions. Remember, she made a choice to feel the way she does for the OP and she can also chose to have those feeling with you again. Feelings are not a random event that we cannot control, feeling are a choice. You may not have them know, but if you chose to, they will come over time.<hr></blockquote><p>Hope it helps.<p>Joe<p>[ February 22, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Kent,<p>It was one year ago Friday that I found out about my wife and her TWO men. I wanted to offer you some hope. We are still married and are ecstatically happy. It really happened a lot faster than I ever thought it could but it took a process for her to fully understand what she was doing to me, our child, and herself. Truth be told, I think she is still coming to grips with some of the really deep things. I will give you some help though. You have to get her off the booze first and foremost. There is no way she can be rational in that state. In this highly emotional time, the last thing you need is for her for voluntarily give up any ability to think rationally (not emotionally) by drinking too much. My advice is to try to keep her from drinking at all if you can. Once you do that, you will be able to accomplish some other things. I noticed that you have said you have financial problems. If so, try to see if you can checkout from a library the His Needs, Her Needs book and sit down with her (while she is sober) and have her figure out what her needs are. Don't let her think in the moment and answer the needs that are most pressing right now. She needs to follow Harley's question of "if you could only have one need met, which would it be?" Have her give you as much insight as possible on the order and best ways to meet those needs. Then start doing it. If you will get your hands on Dr. Harley's books and read and apply them and keep seeking info on this site, and set aside some time every day once the kids go to bed to talk with your wife (without fighting), you will not need counseling or the related expense. My experience is that most marriage counselors these days seem to be too liberal anyway. Be prepared that one of the woman's main needs is adequate financial support. Women don't do very well always feeling like they are one missed paycheck away from the poorhouse. You have a tough road to go if that is the case because you are going to need to bring in more money at the same time that you are going to need to give her top priority and you are going to have to do it while you are probably the least motivated to do either. You can make another post if you need some ideas on how to make that happen but one way that will not work is if you take significant amounts of time away from her to put your finances in order at the expense of rebuilding your marriage. It may take time but my experience and my observation is that women are a reaction to men. If you start meeting her needs consistently and frequently, you will have a woman who finds you irrestible. She will even brag about you to her friends when now and before she badmouths. Here's an important question: When was the last time you made her feel like she was your girlfriend? She needs to feel that way all the time. Women generally don't lust for men like we do for them. It takes more to make a woman want to cheat because it is not surface stuff that gets them. Women are generally disinterested in other men when they feel like their husband treats them like a boyfriend would. By the way, your letter sounded very good. It seemed factual and calm. Good job. Hang in there.

Kent - I am so sorry you are going through this. Your wife is so deep on the fog. What's up with her heavy drinking while on Xanax, and her crotch grabs? Sigh, chalk it up to the fog. You of course are feeling very confused. Totally normal. Keep posting here and reading!<p>God bless!