First off, I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now! Yes, your stomach will be doing flips for a long time. It's been 6 weeks since D-Day for me and I have lost 30 pounds in the process! The Infidelity Diet is not the way I expected to lose my unwanted weight! Now then, if you'll excuse the analogy, your wife's behavior almost sounds like sceenes from The Exorcist. You have identified the "demon" (the affair) within her and are calling it out (exocising) it from her through truth. She is alternately angry, shocked, dismayed, confused, defensive, loving, and hurtful. You can't help but to look at your spouse in amazement at all the things that are coming out of her right now. I am new to this forum and to the MB path for rebuilding, so I am not well-versed on the principles they espouse to, but, from the reading I have done, and from my own personal experience with my WW (wandered wife), I can tell you that everything that she is doing is normal. I agree with Longing that forcing her to chose right now is the wrong thing to do. In her highly confused and emotional state she may very well take the path towards the OM. You must keep steady and firm in your commitment to get to the truth and reveal all the secrets. When she is scared of losing everything (the marriage) she panics and comes onto you all lovey-dovey, but when you persist with your game plan and refuse to "fogged" by her, she lets loose with the sarcasm and the attacks against you. That last dig she gave you when she said she is staying home so she can be "the object of your control" is purely a guilt-trip. And the beer drinking is meant to punish you too. <p>Wow, she left her skirt at someone's house? That is not a good sign, my friend. I fear that she is literally throwing herself to the wolves! She is doing this partly to rebel, partly to punish you, and believe it or not, partly to punish herself! I know, my wife does the same stuff! "Oops, I've been bad, so I might as well be REALLY BAD!" I hope it is not too late. As you were told earlier, you should have let the divorce precedings continue on while you were repairing the marriage, they take so long anyway, it would have served you well to show that you were sticking to your principles. Now, it seems, she is poking as many holes in the dam as she can and has you running around trying to keep the flood waters back. She is screaming "Save me! Save me!" but constantly throws herself into deep and trecherous waters. I saw this myself (not as extreme) where my W suddenly became this poor confused helpless hurt little girl that needed my help to get better. It completely shifts the focus off of the affair and turns it into helping them feel better. Meanwhile, you are left with all the anguish as before and it gets exacerbated with each new "drama" she creates! You are not going to get better, individually or together, if she continues this highly destructive behavior. She obviously needs a lot of Individual Counseling. Actually, it sounds like she needs Intervention before she tail-spins totally out-of-control and becomes suicidal. I don't want to alarm you, but your stories are horrific enough to heed this warning. Please be acutely aware of her depression and make sure she is not slowly killing herself through the drugs and alcohol. <p>I am so moved by your story, I only wish I had more good advice for you. I will pray for you and your situation. God Bless.
