Well,
All seems good right now; we are going to counseling and getting along. If she is calling him, I sure don’t know about it. We have many issues to work out at this point! I am giving her more space but am worried about what she is doing when I am not there- just another bad point of me….
I want this marriage to work! Just have to see what the counselor has to say tomorrow-
I don’t want to be another statistic~ I hope we can get back together~
Thank you all for your posts!<p>LOL
Kent

Hey group,
How are you people doing? Well, some time has passed since I wrote and just thought I would update everyone as to how we are doing.
Alcohol is still a big thing in our relationship- the drinking starts and chaos starts. Two weeks ago she ditched me at a bar and I saw her 32 hours later. I had to go back into the bar and ask the last guy she was talking to where my wife had gone. “Oh dude!, I swear to God we didn’t have sex…… she is waiting at the library with nowhere to go…..” So I picked her up and brought her home. This would be the second time in a month that she has stayed out all night. Our oldest son is getting tired of it and asked what her problem was- I told him that no matter what happens, his parents love him very much. I am just tired of hearing my kids ask, “wheres mom, wheres mom????” every time she is at the store or on a walk or anywhere else. It actually drives me crazy- So anyway, I am at the store today and I run into this guy- (my wife has wanted to see him, she left her skirt at his house and came home in his jeans and wants her stuff back) and it just brings back all these bad feelings. What am I going to do? I never went through with the divorce and now I have such low self esteem that I cannot even leave her side for a minute- it drives us further apart- do you know what I mean? So what am I to do? Keep working on this relationship? I tried to get her to stop drinking… “just another way to control her….” &#61663; she states—<p>HELP!!!!<p>Thanks guys!
Kent

Kent, <p>I just read your story and this is my first post to U. First of all regarding the control accusations. Don't fight it. <p>She is drunk, even the law says 'friends don't let friends drink and drive'. That's a type of control!!! So control in itself is not always a bad thing! <p>She is babbling and you don't have to subject yourself and family to that type of babbling. It has been a while since your Feb post. Where are you in your counseling? Is your W seeing more than 1 OM? Does she work? Did she ever visit a counselor? <p>Sorry for the questions, just trying to understand her reasons for her actions. Also what are the ones she 'talked' to saying now? Are you & your family getting supported by those around U? It sounds like some of your children have something to say. It is important not to leave them out of this healing process. Yes, parents do love their children but our children are not blind either. My son @ 6 years old knew that if his dad really loved him, he would not have moved out. So see words vs actions. Children are keen. Don't fool them. <p>Take Care,
L.

First off, I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now! Yes, your stomach will be doing flips for a long time. It's been 6 weeks since D-Day for me and I have lost 30 pounds in the process! The Infidelity Diet is not the way I expected to lose my unwanted weight! Now then, if you'll excuse the analogy, your wife's behavior almost sounds like sceenes from The Exorcist. You have identified the "demon" (the affair) within her and are calling it out (exocising) it from her through truth. She is alternately angry, shocked, dismayed, confused, defensive, loving, and hurtful. You can't help but to look at your spouse in amazement at all the things that are coming out of her right now. I am new to this forum and to the MB path for rebuilding, so I am not well-versed on the principles they espouse to, but, from the reading I have done, and from my own personal experience with my WW (wandered wife), I can tell you that everything that she is doing is normal. I agree with Longing that forcing her to chose right now is the wrong thing to do. In her highly confused and emotional state she may very well take the path towards the OM. You must keep steady and firm in your commitment to get to the truth and reveal all the secrets. When she is scared of losing everything (the marriage) she panics and comes onto you all lovey-dovey, but when you persist with your game plan and refuse to "fogged" by her, she lets loose with the sarcasm and the attacks against you. That last dig she gave you when she said she is staying home so she can be "the object of your control" is purely a guilt-trip. And the beer drinking is meant to punish you too. <p>Wow, she left her skirt at someone's house? That is not a good sign, my friend. I fear that she is literally throwing herself to the wolves! She is doing this partly to rebel, partly to punish you, and believe it or not, partly to punish herself! I know, my wife does the same stuff! "Oops, I've been bad, so I might as well be REALLY BAD!" I hope it is not too late. As you were told earlier, you should have let the divorce precedings continue on while you were repairing the marriage, they take so long anyway, it would have served you well to show that you were sticking to your principles. Now, it seems, she is poking as many holes in the dam as she can and has you running around trying to keep the flood waters back. She is screaming "Save me! Save me!" but constantly throws herself into deep and trecherous waters. I saw this myself (not as extreme) where my W suddenly became this poor confused helpless hurt little girl that needed my help to get better. It completely shifts the focus off of the affair and turns it into helping them feel better. Meanwhile, you are left with all the anguish as before and it gets exacerbated with each new "drama" she creates! You are not going to get better, individually or together, if she continues this highly destructive behavior. She obviously needs a lot of Individual Counseling. Actually, it sounds like she needs Intervention before she tail-spins totally out-of-control and becomes suicidal. I don't want to alarm you, but your stories are horrific enough to heed this warning. Please be acutely aware of her depression and make sure she is not slowly killing herself through the drugs and alcohol. <p>I am so moved by your story, I only wish I had more good advice for you. I will pray for you and your situation. God Bless.