I am very new to this, and actually my wife showed me an article somewhere from this site. 1st. question should I continue to discuss items on this site, knowing she might be on here??<p>Secondly, I just found out 1-week ago (d-day 12/27/01)My birthday!!! Isn't that some mean sh__T! Anyway, you can tell I am still bitter at times, even though she tells me that she wants the relationship to work.<p>I am concerned that my feelings will never be the same, due to the hurt I am feeling (I still read her emails that she wrote to OM). Should I stop reading to get out of the past or keep as a reminder of her potential?<p>She told me emphatically that if she ever wanted another man she would leave. Of course this did not happen, and worse yet was her evil way of doing this (on my birthday). Help me please.<p>New online [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Snoop,<p>Now, which articles did she show it to you ?. From your other post on plan A/B you stated that she is remorse and willing to work on M and A is ended already, is that correct ?.<p>Depends on the above answer. If she is remorsefull and willing to work on M, it is good idea to have her to post too and help others. If she is not then you have to reduce the "clue" on your posting and conctact some of us via email.<p>Look there 5 stages of greieving, you will past this stage, anger. Count your blessing that your W is willing to work on M and wise enough to point you here ... most of BS have to put up w/ continues [censored].<p>What is the purpose of reading it ?. If you read it to understand the nature of their A and try to see what you did wrong in your M then proceed otherwise you should stop reading the mail. She is very smart lady by opening up w/ radical honesty. She is willing now how about you ?.<p>It takes two to tango !. If your M is perfect and you are a perfect H your W might not stray. There are evil ones or w/ mental problems that will do it, I assume she is not. So if you want your M to be happy and fill w/ love and caring ... you have to fix your part. It is not an excuse for her to have A but you share the blame of providing the environment that lead to that.<p>Again read about MB, learn as much as you can. "In Love" or romantic love could be attains with 4 gifts of love ... with that this A will make both of you a better spouse.

Yes Redhat, she indicated that she has ended the A. Next question is a one-time A treated the same as a long term A?<p>And I agree with you that I must improve my own downfalls. This is to make my life better with or without her.<p>Lastly, how do I go about asking her to tell me what the OM did emotionally for her, so that I can try to work on those emotional things?<p>Thanks Red

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Snoop:
<strong>Yes Redhat, she indicated that she has ended the A. Next question is a one-time A treated the same as a long term A?</strong><hr></blockquote>
Actually the question is if this A is a one night affair (no emotional) or soul-mate A ?. It doesn't sound like soul-mate affair. You could line up your questions to find out. Soul-mate A is very hard to break and usually you have to plan B. Also very hard on withdrawal.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Lastly, how do I go about asking her to tell me what the OM did emotionally for her, so that I can try to work on those emotional things?</strong><hr></blockquote>
It is normal for BS to questions WS after the A ... yes you should and be gentle and set the environment and the condition so that it is for your healing and it is for her too !!!. Explain to her that you will not use any of her answers against her, you forgave her already. You need closure to help your healing and also healing for both of you. Ask her to be honest and she could post some question on the forum to ask some input on WS !!!.<p>BTW: I am curious, which article mrs. showed you ?.