I found out 5months ago that my husband had an affair.. Mind you I had been joking about it for about 3 months prior because he was always late and distant.. then one night he told me - but he said it was over or would be.. But then I intercepted a phone message 6 weeks later.. from her and it was not over. so basically it was over after that episode.. But the problem is now - his theory is he did it, he admitted it, so everything should be fine.. Well I have become a wacko anyalizing every phone bill, caller id, looking through his wallet.. etc.. I am basically looking for things that I am expecting to find.. but so far haven't been there.. I am driving him and me crazy.... help me..

maw64,<p>Welcome to MB. Read SAA and many links under my signature. Learn about EN, LB, LB$ and how to affair should end. I am sorry that you find this web site under this conditions but many has travel this road and many recover.<p>Now A had ended ... you have to make sure that H is over the withdrawal phase before you can start recovery in your M. Read and learn about 4 rules of recovery ... care (EN), protection (no LB), time and honesty. Get conseling from MB if you & your H can not work it out by yourself.<p>Yes, you need closure. Ask H and tell him that you need honest answer from H to work on M.<p>Good luck.

I feel for you, i am going through the same thing. however i just found out less then 10 days ago.I had the same ideas as you, he was late, never could explain where he was ect... then he finally admitted to me that he had an affair. he stated it started on the 7th and ended on the 12th. that at that time they decided to just be friends. he works with this girl. i have become so over- worried that i have checked the phone bill, the checking account, his wallet, ect. he says it is over.
he came home to me and the kids but he know says he must go and get a divorce becasue he cant live like this. i get all shaky and worried and even make my self sick. this man has been in my life for 12 years. we have 2 kids together.
hang in there, i know it is not easy....

hello ladies and welcome to MB. im very sorry you are here. i have been going through the same pain since dec. 9th. you will survive this. work on getting yourself stronger. if you need anti-d's-GET THEM. i waited and i shouldn't have. you will probably be checking and snooping for awhile. its a compulsion. you will eventually get it under control. read as much as possible and educate yourself what you are probably in for. it is a long hard road-well worth it if you recover. my husband and i have been recovering since january. we still have a long way to go but are doing well. good luck and be strong.

Hi. I agonized over this very issue up until as recently as last week, when I told my W that I had looked at old email on our old computer to see what their relationship was like at the time. I didn't think much of it, but she exploded and we had a very nasty argument about it. I've decided, and promised her, that I wouldn't snoop anymore, but that I did appreciate when she told me about correspondence with OM. He works for her (out of state) until a site report gets done, and I believe her when she tells me that she had told him it was over back in November, though there have been additional emails from him indicating he doesn't think so. She recently sent him a reminder to that effect when he said he needed to see her, but has gotten no reply yet. She isn't very happy with me for asking her to do this, accusing me of not trusting her judgement. It doesn't help much that I try to assure her that it isn't her I mistrust, but him. He needs to know it's OVER. I need the closure, too, but I will wait for a counselor to tell her to sever contact completely. I won't do that myself. <p>I urge you to get the Anti-D medication. I haven't yet (d-day was last month), and I very deeply regret it. I had one of my worst emotional lows yesterday, which resulted in an argument with her in the morning where she went away for a couple of hours driving. When she got back, I was still depressed, and angered her again, so I went for a walk. A LONG walk. We're out in the country taking a week off, and I must have walked about 10 or 15 miles into the desert. Really stupid thing to do in that state of mind. The weather turned foul while I was out, and luckily for me a couple of guys in a pickup saw me out there and gave me a ride back to town. Otherwise, I would have taken another 3 hours at least to get back, and by then it had started snowing and blowing pretty hard (I was pretty warmly dressed, but getting back after dark in that weather would have alarmed her considerably). But my point in all this is that you need to work on keeping your emotional upheavals in check so that you can work on yourself and your M. I've set our recovery back seriously a couple of times in the past week, and I don't want to do that again!<p>-2long.