Good Evening All..<p>I've been lurking here for about a month now, soaking in all your guys experiences and such. Obviously I'm here due to an affair. My hubby was having an EA with a mutual online friend of ours. It lasted about a yr and a half to two years. He told all the usual lies. We were having problems (about the only truth he told her), he was saving for the divorce [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] , he was going to leave me and move to WI to be with her, heck, they were talking about having kids..<p>*Rewind a bit.. About 3 to 4 months before the A started (5/00) I had a gut feeling that he was "up to something". I found out he had been "cybering" with another mutual online friend of ours. At that time I told him I couldn't be married to a person I couldn't trust. He said he was sorry, blah, blah, blah.. I let him stay. Do to circumstances beyond my control I had to return to our state of residence, leaving DH to his own devices alone in Tx. (He was in the military) Shortly after I left the A began. During the time we were apart we talked about separating when he got out. HE didn't want to separate whe it came down to it. <p>Fast forward to Nov. '02... The "family" made a move to Washington. Told hubby I couldn't move my misery with me, but If he wanted to work on us he'd have to agree to MC and we'd try again. He agreed (not ending the A with the OW, I had no idea it was going) Then suddenly on Dec 30 '01 "something" got me on his computer snooping.. (Haven't done that in 2 yrs)I found IM conversations between them. At first he denied it.. Until I got her on the phone. Then it was for kicks and grins.. She told me everything he didn't. Eventually he came around and verified everything she said.<p>Where am I at today? Well, he hasn't contacted her since he wrote "the ending it" email. She has only contacted me via IM. He's not back online yet. He has seen the devastation he has caused to me and this marriage. He is remorseful, in his own way. He's the show emotions equals weakness type, but then again so am I. We are active in MC. I've finally ordered SAA and HN/HN, I believe that's what it's called. We agreed Radical Honesty is a necessity in our marriage. Last night after talking with him, for the 1st time in a long time I feel safe in this marriage again. I do know I'll have my bad days, that's where this board will come in handy. <p>Now a few questions.. What's everyone's thoughts of a WS not going through a withdrawal phase? My WS has shown no signs of it and when I asked him if he's had thoughts of her and/or the A, explaining to him it's normal and together we can/will work him through it. He claims the only thoughts of her/the A is when he wonders how he could have lost site of us. Is it possible to skip withdrawals?<p>*** Just a tad bit of additional info.. Two weeks after getting married H and I were involved in a single vehicle accident. Hubby lost control of the car I was thrown out of the car and shattered my neck. Leaving me paralyzed from the chest down. Shortly after coming home I noticed a "harsh" change in both of us, but neither of us went to counceling. <p>And finally how do you spell check here? Right clicking doesn't work..

Hi, <p>Welcome to Marriage Builders. You came here after you had already been through so much. <p>The info here will help you. The his needs/her needs book and your MC sessions will help you understand how to recognize your H's withdrawal. It may not always be as obvious as others. <p>I will check back tomorrow. I have a cold and need to get some rest. <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid ... Orchid ... Orchid ... even in your cold you reach more people than I do in an hour ... get a good night rest, you need it if you plan to have a "talk" w/ your hubby.<p>Suzanne,
Sorry, I could not resist to tease Orchid. This is my view from male prospective ... OW is not soulmate, it is a wishfull fantasy of H. Also we do not think with the stuff between our ear, it is easier to change.<p>There is no spell check, I hate it !!!.<p>God Bless you.

Whoa Debbie,<p>I owe U a big apology [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...... I did not keep my word and check back on U as I promised. Forgive me? <p>Redhat (he shows up when I write his name...he he he) should have chastised me but I know he has been busy himself. <p>So Debbie, what have you read here? That book his needs/her needs will be very helpful. Your unfortunate accident is hard without the EA, you do sound like a fighter and have survived thusfar. <p>JMHO, is that your H will go through a withdrawal. Some are just better at hiding it than others or don't go through it as quickly as others. So you need to be aware but not paranoid. <p>Let's kick this thread over to GQII. K? Please forgive us, many many newbies here. Even more than when I started last year and we overwhelmed them then. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If you don't know how to move this to GQII, let me know I will post the link. <p>Hugz,
L.

Orchid.. Thanx I have no idea how to post a thread elsewhere. <p>I'll repost in a few I have kids tugging at me..

Hi,<p>checkin' in between chores. Folding clothes next to the PC is helpful!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Here's some help: <p>create a thread on GQII, write small intro and invite those to look to this thread to read your story:<p>How to copy thread:
copy the link at the top (address area), before you paste it key as follows: paste thread <p>at the end of the thread key as follows: <p>after you add your reply, that should make your thread (link) show up in another color and the url disappears. <p>Let me know if that helps. <p>Or you could just copy and past your 1st post the GQII thread. <p>I am not real good at this but it's a start. <p>L.