Please help me! I don't know what should I do with my marriage.
I was married for 5 years. Recently I found out that my husband found some girl in a chat room on the Internet. He wrote her Emails and talked by telephone. He didn't tell me anything. I just discovered his letters on his computer. He is saying to her that he felt in love with her and that she is might be the love of his life.
He was making plans to go see her in Canada for 3 days. And I found out about it.
When I asked him he said that she is his friend and he likes her and that she has cancer and he must go see her. (She really has cancer)
He says that all this happend because I didn't fullfill his wishes in marriage. And also this will be his punishment to me for calling on him 911. I don't approve beating 3 year old child in face for misbehaving. So I called 911 when it happened.
I undestand that I didn't do a good job of being a wife. I didn't show as often as he wanted that I love him. And I promissed my husband that I will try to work on our marriage if he will not go and meet that woman.
But he says that it is too late, that he have to go. And only when he returns from his trip we can work on our marriage if I want to. And if I don't want we can divorce. He says he is interested on saving our mariage and that he loves me but he must go anyway to see that woman.
Please can you advise should I divorce him or give him another chance when he returns. Do you think such marriage can be restored?
By the way of couse he wants to meet her without me being there.
Do you think having cancer give her right to meet with my husband?

Tanya,<p>I know this pain and shock you feel. I share it with you - with my own situation. Try to think positive. Take the time he is away to think yourself about your marriage. What do you think about it - as a whole. People get confused, especially when thay have been in long relationships. I think - given the thoughts of maybe having a divorce - you should let him go and take the time. Go and do what he need to find his answers - and think (cancer has nothing to do with this). Nobody knows if the answers we get are the right ones - time, maybe - shows us that later. Resolve yourself to answer your own questions - and let him the time to find his. A marriage cannot be held together by only one side.<p>Peace and strength to you!
David<p>[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: Esquire ]</p>

Tanya, I have not been here very long but I am now at a stage where the shock is going and I'm seeing things a touch clearer. It will be the hardest thing you ever do but...let him go, Nothing you can do will stop him anyway-I know this for sure from my own recent experience.<p>Esquires' right, take the time for you, cause you'll need it-post here druing that time, it really helps heaps!<p>BTW I don't think you deserved it because you called 911. Your gut instinct at the time told you he was wrong to hit your child as he did. Child abuse should never be accepted in any circumstance!<p>Also just because she has cancer, does not mean she should have someone else's husband. Good Lord!<p>We're all in this together Tanya, so just hang in there.

I am sorry but I disagree with most of the post that are here. I don't think you should let your husband go.
I know a little about what you are going through. I found out my husband was having an affair last May. He said he would stop seeing her and we went to counseling and for awhile it went pretty good. Then we stopped and he wanted to do what ever he wanted. Didn't like me asking him where he was. Anyway I fould out that he started seeing the OW and took her on a trip. I found pictures. I had had enough. I told him to get out and he thought it was over. I still loved him and saw him when he came to get the kids or pick up the mail. After 5 weeks he said that he would do anything to rebuild our marriage. (we had 15 years in)
He moved back home and we are going to counseling again. But no more cheeting or secrets.
If your husband says that he has to go see this woman, tell him that you will have his bags packed and in the garage when he gets back. He should find somewhere else to live. Marriage is about commitment and I am sick of selfish men that want to "find themselves" or there is just "something missing". If there is something missing lets find out what it is and fix it. There is never a reason to have an affair.
Sometimes I wish that I had made my husband leave the first time I found out about the affair. I could have saved myself a lot of pain. But I have hope now.
Please don't put up with him having an affair and just take him back. If he goes to see this person something may happen (if he thinks he love he it will). And then you will have all that to deal with. If he loves you he will stay with you and get the help you both need.
I also think that you should email her and tell her that she needs to find a support group for her cancer. NOT YOUR HUSBAND.
Best of luck to you and in all thing pray first.
Mells

Dear Seahorse:<p>Thank you for your support.
What do you think about the Mell's answer to me?
Mell saying that I shouldn't let him go and meet other woman. That I should separate with my husband and hope that if he loves me then he will come back.<p>Tanya