I'm new on the board, but have read it for a while and post on other boards (with a different name). D-day 01/14/02. Husband cheated. We are trying really hard to work it out. H is giving me access to all his phone bills, credit card statements, reciepts, (his cell phone was primary means of contact) etc. OW didn't have computer until this past December, so they didn't communicate via email. But, she displayed very obssesive stalking behavior, so it wouldn't surprise me if she started trying to contact him via email now. So, I have asked H for access to his email and his passwords. He isn't comfortable with this. He has offered to go through his email with me, but doesn't like the idea of me having access to it whenever I want. My point, is that if I have access to his other records, why is email different? I've always been an open book - nothing to hide. Do you guys think I'm crossing the line by asking him for full access? Should I just take him up on the offer to go through it with him from time to time? My intention would definitely NOT be to look at it every second of the day - I would just like the comfort of knowing I had the ability - and him knowing I had the ability. I obviously have my own opinion, but I'm looking for some outside advice if you think I'm asking too much. Thanks.

I think e-mail access is part of accountability and extraordinary precautions as described in SAA.<p>But it took 16 months after d-day for my H to give it all up, including full e-mail access to his work account and the password to his work voice-mail account. He would not agree to those early on in recovery; he said it 'invaded his privacy'. I subsequently realized that he would not 'give it all up' because there was continued e-mail contact that he was hiding from me.<p>H told me again last week that I could have access to anything and do, in fact, have full access to everything. "After all," he said "why would I have an issue with you seeing or hearing anything, when I have absolutely nothing to hide?"<p>Why indeed?

Anyone else have an opinion?? Pretty Pleeeeease!

You need total access. No additional editorial needed.

Total access is reasonable.