After 11 months of marriage, my husband moves out and I find out that he is addicted to Porn on yesterday. <p>We were having sexual problems and I could not understand why he would not have sex with me. He would just fuss and fight and make me think that I was the problem.
He apologizes for getting so caught up in it and is afraid that he cannot be delivered from this demon. My husband is so close minded, he thinks
that he the only person that has this problem. <p>I just pray and hope he decides to get help so we can work thru this marriage. For God's sake, it has only been 11 months.

morton,<p>Addiction doesn't come over night and porn doesn't work like that. It is slow and long process ... 11 months is too short for that. Don't let him put you down, yet don't LB either ... how ?. When he blame it on you, w/o anger tone of voice and judgement you talk fogese back ... "so you just addicted to porn after we get married, if that so I am so sorry and how can I help you ?."<p>Questions for you, what is his reasoning to move out ?. Is his addiction online ?, cyber porn or viewing ? magazine or active ?. Have you ask him for conseling ?, phone conseling ?. Look under 50 signs to check if H has A.<p>Have you try conseling ? I always recomend MB for those who could afford it, Steve helps me a lot. Learn as much as you can about MB before you call, it will save you major $.<p>God Bless you.-RH-<p>BTW: keep the answer to yourself for self reflection ... in bed, did you make him feel adequate or competent ?.<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Redhat,<p>He moved out because I confronted him about not wanting to have sex with me and I told him he had to leave because he is not trying to work on this marriage. So he moved out and now he says he wants a divorce. <p>My husband IS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR. I know that much. However, he is addicted to internet porn and masturbation. He relieves himself and therefore he doesn't want me. I knew that he masturbated before we got married. However, I didn't know it was THIS BAD.<p>This is my husband's second marriage and I cannot help but think if this was a problem in his first marriage and he hid it. He is the type that runs from his problems instead of dealing with it.
He left his first wife supposedly because she was spending too much money but I am really questioning that now.<p>For me, I am a devout chrisitian who believes DIVORCE is not the answer. I believe we should go to counseling to work thru these issues.

Do you have any children?

No children.

Morton,<p>What is your feeling on porn and masturbation and was it soft porn or hard core?<p>The reason I ask is this...sometimes watching a video TOGETHER is a good way to get things jump started sexually. Have you ever thought about renting an erotic movie and watching it together? It doesn't even have to be a movie where EVERYTHING is shown. Sexual innuendo is a great aphrodesiac.<p>Maybe it's not as bad as you think; however, I would seriously question whether or not he is having an affair. People don't just move out because their wives caught them with porn.<p>I fear my husband has a genuine sexual addiction, but not just to porn. I will watch movies with him and it can be really fun for both of us. Masturbation is very natural, especially for men, and I see no reason for anyone to feel ashamed of it.<p>I am dealing with a somewhat different issue with my spouse, but understand how you feel. I was also raised with very strong Christian beliefs of what is right and wrong and can certainly identify with your feelings.

I know that he is not having an affair. He moved out because I put him out. He didn't just pack his bags and leave. I was tired of fighting about small stuff when I knew it was bigger than that. The problem was the addiction to porn which cause us not to have sex but about twice a month.

morton,<p>I am sorry for the pain and confusion you must be feeling. You are not alone.<p>Here are hyperlinks to a number of recent threads started by women whose Hs are habitual users of porn:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=3&t=000330
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=3&t=000329
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=31&t=005768
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=001801
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=001803<p>Please read all of these threads and each reply. So many good points have been raised, and the issue is a serious one.<p>Feel free to post any comments or questions you have here. We'll check back.<p>Hugs,
TAA<p>p.s. I know you have a thread on Emotional Needs as well, but I am only going to respond here to not duplicate what you are reading.<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: Trying Again and Again ]</p>

{{{{{{Morton}}}}}}},<p>I was looking on the internet for some sites last night so I know what I'm dealing with as well. I wish I could remember the site (I'll post it when I get home), but it was Heart 2 Heart or something like that. It has a FAQ page and it mentions the masterbation being addictive and the addict not wanting sex with spouse.<p>Also check out www.sarr.org it has links for the addict, the spouse and the couple.<p>If he is seriously addicted then watching movies together is not the answer. I tried that with my H who sneaks porn (and has had As), but I felt dirty after and it only escalated his behaviors. I believe my H's use of porn has led him to his As so your H may not be involved now, but may be on that path of destruction.<p>Keep reading, sharing and researching!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Christi9803:
<strong>I was also raised with very strong Christian beliefs of what is right and wrong and can certainly identify with your feelings.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>So why are you so weak in your faith as to allow yourself to participate in this sexual sin?

<p>[ March 20, 2002: Message edited by: newstartj ]</p>

[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I belong to www.firesofdarkness.com and also I picked up the book "Affair of the Mind" and "Internet Sex Addictions" from www.focusonthefamily.org [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I get so frustrated with the pornography over the internet, my husband packed up and left I have 9 children...I was mad because I never get out and I finally went out for dinner with an old friend for about 4 hours total...all four hours he was on his favorite porn site!<p>I am hurt, alone, I feel like he hates me but he pretends ...the last 2 weeks he's stayed away...I know because I monitor the computer with a program...every 10 seconds it snaps a screenshot and captures all keystrokes...I do it because he said to get even he was going to post my picture once a month forever to teach me a lesson and he would look at porn until he was 99!<p>I am hurt! But I like me! The problem isn't me! I don't ever get sex! The problems are his and the evil dudes! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How can there be free sites on the internet...fREE? where men post pictures of their wives?<p>I don't get it...why would he want to post me?<p>I've been getting counseling but I still feel so lonely. I don't know what to do it consumes me!<p>I am told to keep a clean home, I do...he still finds problems...I am told this do that blah
blah [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>and yet...he finds that one thing to fight about...now he wants to crash the computer and reload it...cuz I found out he opened 3 email boxes in phony names....to find intimate relationships in our area...........ugh!<p>well, you are not alone I wish we could stop porn, but no one knows or cares how to.!!!<p>My prayers are with you, I am so hurtI don't know if my marriage is going to work either!<p>Take care! I'm scared too.