I have posted a few times, my story is my husband had a 5 day affair with a girl, slept with her 3 times, she left for vacation, I found her vacation number in his wallet, I asked him about it and he says that he has not called her, however he has a calling card in there as well. She is due back in town today... He says he has not talked to her and does not plan on it.. they work together.
He says that he cant live like this anymore and wants a divorce. He is still here with me and the kids. We have been together 12 years. I ended up in the ER on tuesday from chest pain, then the doctor today, he gave me some anxiety pills. My husband refuses to go to counseling. He is even now looking for a new job. He has me so very confused. He did come to the hospital and was with me there, however he is just so distant. I want to trust him and believe he is not talking to the OW but I just dont know. He refuses to tall me who she is, I think I have the name but not real sure. This is all just making me sick, I have lost 20 pounds, not eating, not working,
I really dont know what to do..

dear hopeless- im so sorry it took so long for someone to post to you. you need to try to calm down-i know this sounds ridiculous, but believe me im in the same situation. ive lost 40 lbs so far. im on anti-d's and they really help. everything is going to seem so confusing to you right now because all you know has changed. start reading the harleys books. start with surviving an affair. it saved my life as did the people here. i will try to get other to come and help. its a long rollercoaster ride so hang on. there are many good articles here-start reading. ill get help-be back soon.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

hopeless... 11 short months ago, I posted my 'hopeless' story... My H and I are still together... <p>It has been a LOOONNNNGGG rollercoaster ride, but I am glad I stuck with it.<p>1st. Read all you can at this site. Some recommended books include the Harleys "Surviving an Affair," "LoveBusters," and "His Needs/Her Needs."<p>2nd. Take care of YOURSELF. Don't focus on your H or his affair. (This one took me A LONG time to do.)<p>3rd. If he won't go to counseling... you go... for YOU. You will need some support during this time. <p>This forum has many links to noteable posts... the key to acronyms and abbreviations... and a General Welcome... please read those as well. There's a lot of wisdom in the 'archived' posts of the veterans.<p>Finally... post and post and post again. This is a SUPER place to vent and get your questions answered. Persistance pays off. If you don't get replies... bump up your post... also posting in the General Question forum can be beneficial because it gets more 'traffic.'<p>Again, welcome... you aren't going crazy... but I KNOW it sure feels like it.<p>Hugs and prayers,
Cali

Hi Hopeless In Indiana,<p> I am sorry you are going through all of this. I understand your pain. I know how unbearable it is. How sad you are. How you can't function. I know because I have lived it, and am living it as well.<p> You have come to a great site for support and understanding. Your situation is not unique. That(unfortunatly)is a good thing. It is good because you can come here and post to us for answers to things you cannot answer right now yourself. There are many whose situations are exactly the same as yours. Seek them out, ask questions, cry if you feel like it, yell your frustrations to us, who know how you feel.<p> There will be days this site is the only thing you look forward to. Don't get discouraged, that is a good thing as well. Soon you will look forward to more and more things in your life. After a while you will feel much better. And you will make a lot of new friends in the process. <p> I welcome you to MB. And, I am so very sorry you have a reason to be here. Please click on the welcome message at the bottom of this post. Then read, read, read. Post here then post some more. <p> If you find you don't get many responses to a post you start, please, post it again over on the General Questions II board. Things are a little slow on weekends, but don't give up or get discouraged. Just post again or bump that thread up for more responses.<p> jd

Dear Hope,<p>Please accept this delayed welcome to MB. What you are going through now is probably the shock stage. There are 5 stages of grieving that many of us go through. I will try to get you that thread so you can read it. 2 MBers helped me understand my feeling and what I may go through. <p>I will try to put it out there tomorrow. <p>Take Care,
L.

hopeless, I replied to you in GQII about MLC...<p>Hope it answers your questions.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014733<p>Cali