Friends,<P>I guess anyone can overstay their welcome. After some recent postings, I no longer feel welcome on this forum. In light of cl's most recent post on my thread, it seems I have offended "many" of you. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The assumptions are there, and many of us are offended by such posts. Thus the suggestion for her to become familar with other affairs. I have made the choice to ignore most of these, but not today. Perhaps my words were harsher than some? After retreiving my e-mail I would venture to guess that plenty felt her to be presumptuous but chose to word some<BR>responses a bit softer.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>My intention here was never to harm or offend anyone, so if I did, I am sincerely sory. I've related my experiences and my feelings as "betrayer" AND "betryaed" in hopes that it would demonstrate the wide spectrum of feelings and emotions. I have been very careful to avoid generalizations and assumptions. So, yes, it hurts me greatly to hear that some of you feel I have failed.<P>I've made many mistakes in life. I've acknowledged them, accepted them, been forgiven for them, and I've changed my life. But I think it's unhealthy for me to be in a place where I am reminded daily of my mistakes, called names, my "immaturity," my "unclear thinking," my "immoral behavior," or any other deficit someone feels that I had. That does put me on the defensive. And being on the defensive expends energy that I need to place elsewhere. It's just plain unhealthy. I am proud of the fact that my H and I have CHANGED OUR LIVES. And I wanted my being here to give hope to you all that PEOPLE CAN CHANGE. <P>Overall, I feel I've been treated very well by the overwhelming majority of you on this forum. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I sincerely do. Even though my H and I are doing wonderfully, it still made me feel good to relate how far we'd come. Our relationship is stronger than we ever thought it could be. We have forgiven each other for our mistakes. We know exactly how we got to that terrible, terrible place, and we NEVER intend to let ourselves or each other get to that place ever again.<P>I wish all of you the best of luck for renewed marriages and renewed lives. It can happen. My H and I are living proof of that. Take good care..............<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

well, I will miss you. thank you for sharing so much of yourself here.<BR>good luck.<BR>julie<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

I disagree with cl!!! I have never felt offended by anything you've said. I really wish you'd consider staying. Everyone gets criticized sometimes, just ignore it. The same thing happened to me, but I stuck it out. If you must leave, I understand, but I, for one, have gotten alot of insight from your posts and I will miss them.

What a bunch of crap!<P>I'm sorry to see you go ... you and I had alot in common. There will always be those that are 'sinless' and therefore feel they can throw stones .... you have to IGNORE their crap and focus on the ones that need help. The others are beyond reach ...<P>It's funny (in a sad way) to have HUMANS telling us of our glaring sin when their sin of unforgiveness is blinding them to their own shortcomings.<P>I'm sorry, new woman, that you feel you have to leave. I wish you well in your continued recovery! You are the better person .... and don't forget it!<BR>

new woman -- I am truly sorry that you feel you must leave. I can understand your feelings though and will miss your insight. Take care of yourself, and please check in on us once in a while.<P>God Bless

New woman,<P>Your posts have been so inspiring to me, never condescending as others have thought. I sincerely wish you would stay, as I have so much to learn from you about how you and your H got where you are today. <p>[This message has been edited by tamis (edited August 24, 1999).]

I must have missed something.... Just because somebody said something doesn't mean your not welcome... As we all know, Our emotions are running high during these critical days of our lives. Perhaps it was just a bad day... You know, Sun spots or something. I have received insight from you like many others. It is a shame to see you go, please reconsider......<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

New woman,<P>I'm with Maya...'what a bunch of crap!!' I have found your insight helpful to me, as I am a former betrayer too. I have not posted much in the last month or two but have read quite a bit, and I appreciate your thoughts on things, as you have often spoken the things that I could relate to...<P>If you think you'd like to leave of course we can't stop you but please reconsider...I just want to say thanks for sharing your story with us. YOU HAVE helped many...good luck to you whatever you decide..and thanks again.<P>-janet

Personally, I feel that if you don't want to leave, then you shouldn't leave. Many a time I've been berated for my feelings and I've taken sabbaticals for a few days/weeks, so I understand where you are coming from. But every person is valuable here. Your experience is valuable to others and I believe you should continue to share. Of course, you need do what is in your emotional best interest. I know I've not always agreed with you (nor have you with me, right) but your .02 cents count just as much as anyone else’s does. Don't let a few unwelcoming posts make you leave for good. I hope to see you back when you feel ready.

I haven't always agreed with you, but you have provided much food for thought.<P>You have as much right to your opinion than anyone else. Don't you think you do? From all you have learned in life, certainly you must know that you don't just bail when the going gets a little tough.<P>If this is it for you, I wish you well. But I hope you reconsider. We all have much growing and learning to do. It is not all perfectly smooth...but then again, what is?<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Dear New Woman,<P>I understand what you are saying. But, I thinking you are caving in too easily. Listen to what Facing Choices said.<P>cl is a really great friend on this board, and I value her input immensely. I have seen her be intolerant with other OW, but just give her some time - and she can be very insightful. To lose her input for you would be a loss. <P>Hang in there, keep posting. Cl always comes around and can end up being one of the posters you look forward to! Honest.<P><BR>God Bless You with his unconditional love and peace that passes all understanding.

NW,<BR>I haven't been posting as much lately as I have before.... but I have read some of your posts, and was not offended. I agree w/ Maya & rjr#2 and everyone else.... you are welcome here. Criticism is something we all get from time to time.... please don't let a little bit make you feel you have to leave. I got it good from lots of people a couple of months ago..... just ride this little bump out ~~ It's NOTHING compared to the Rollercoaster we are all on with our marriages..... I realize (and I'm sure others do too) that every little bump seems magnified when you have been on this ride for a while.... but look at it compared to, rather than in addition too.... (did that make any sence??).<P>Hope you decide to stick around..... from another woman in your shoes.<BR>Butterfly<P>PS ~ remember that sometimes our reactions to others are driven by our current situations ~~ from BOTH sides.<BR>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited August 24, 1999).]

We have not have the pleasure of an introduction, nor have I posted before, as I have meerly lurked and read these posting with some interest as someone suggested I would gain insight into my problem and solutions by doing so, but I feel compeled to comment to you, and I wish it were a private comment as I am a little unsure of openly expressing my feelings here, but here they are. You have wisdom born in pain and resolution. Many here need that stable influence and counsel to get through another day on the rocky road to recovery from loss, or from finding renewal. Please don't give up on them nor on you. I can nearly warrant that every person here has been betrayed and has also be the one betrating their "loved" one. Marrages in the US today so often end in divorce because of the complex nature of life, and the complex nature of love interacting to so damage our hearts and souls that we are never full secure. You are providing a security lifeline to those in the most difficult crisis of their lives. You may not find rewards here, but in some private moment, the rewards will be there for you to hold in you heart. Ok, that is all I wanted to offer, and I hope it can serve in some small way to bridge a path back for you. Thanks for the insights, and thanks for listening to a meer lurker. Maybe I will have gained the courage to post independently. Whatever you decide, will be the best choice I believe.<P>Entangled

New woman,<P>I really wish you wouldn't go. The fact that you and your H took advantage of each other for so long, but are now doing well is an inspiration to me. Although I have never technically cheated on my H, we are basically in the same situation that you are. I've enjoyed reading your posts and I know that they have helped a lot of people. <P>If we allow someone to chase away people who could truly give us some thought provoking insight, then we are left with nothing but a bunch of people who are seeking help, and nobody offering it. For this place to be successful, we need people from every aspect of an affair. <P>Please reconsider!! You are needed here! As is everyone who can help others. Just remember, you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please everyone all of the time. Don't take your toys and go home! Please stay.<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller

NW,<BR>Though I may have come on a little strong to some of your posts, I was not offended by what you posted. Your perspective on life is equally as important as anyone else's who post here. NONE of us knows everything. It is through interaction with others that we get to know God's truth. If I have in anyway offended you to the point where you feel it necessary to leave, please forgive me. I in my most humblest mode try to present the other persoectives that God wants us all to see so that we can see His truth and not the fantasies that WE ALL have. It is only through communicating and interacting with others do we get to see His truth because He reveals portions of His truth to everyone in slightly different ways. Thus the need for us to interact in order to get to His truth which He says is an absolute.<P>PLEASE DON'T GO. MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

New Woman, do not give ANYONE the power to drive you away from this sight, if you it was something that meant a great deal to you, and by the number of posts that you have placed here, this MB site obviously meant a lot to you. You of all people should know to not give up something if you really don't want to. I can understand you being upset or hurt by some negative comments made to you, but I can see that a lot of people are projecting their anger onto you, due to the fact of what has happened to them in their marriage, which is not fair to you AT ALL. Reconsider and really show the NEW WOMAN that you are and forgive those that can't forgive the people that really hurt them so they take it out on you.

new woman,<BR>Just remember, you can't please everyone but with your experience you could perhaps enlighten everyone that comes here. There are so many new and very miserable people posting here that needs your help. Keep posting here.......

NW,<P>I also would hate to see you go. I rarely post here myself, but read almost every day and your posts have always given me much to think about. Nothing you have said has ever offended me. I've found your posts very diplomatic, clear and insightful. Please don't let any closed-minded, holier than thou people chase you from here. What they think is their opinion, just like what you think is yours. Everyone is entitled to one, but everyone should speak for themselves. Some people have trouble communicating when they are filled with pain and anger. No one's really mad at you. Stand up for yourself and stand up for us who are all the richer having read your experiences.

Strong people often state their views with strong words. Where is the bullcrap in that.<BR>cl and New woman are both strong women and entitled to their views.<BR>Where does anyone here get off making disrespectful judgements about either of them or what they said to each other!!!!<P>New woman<BR>You know that te generalization in your post hit a nerve in me. That doesn't mean that I don't agree with other things you have said or that I haven't gotten insight from you.<BR>I think you are strong enough to take a little disagreement from someone else. There are plenty of people on this board who stand up for what they believe.

It's a little late, but I'll chime in with my .02 worth of "wisdom"... <P>I think we all need to step back and get a little perspective. This is an anonymous forum and for the most part none of us knows the other from Adam. I know we can all become passionate in our subject matter and defensive of our motives. But the important thing to remember is that we should not take things here so personally. None of us REALLY knows what anyone else is really like in person.<P>Therefore, new woman, if you are still reading -- stay! Because it's not such a big deal. Not everyone is gonna agree with you, and heck some folks will be downright offended by what you say. Whoopie. They're just anonymous people on an anonymous forum that doesn't even exist in the real world beyond this thing we call the "internet"...<P>that's all,<BR>--airheart