Oh I don't know what to do...I found out about husbands A on 10-12-01 because he told not sure if he could lived with himself anymore... Still spoke to he r until 11-30-01 - since then no contact that I know of.. I have been having a hard time dealing with it though and he in turn has been having a hard time dealing with me - it is a constant back and forth bickering session where he is defensive and I am emotional... Says he doesn't want to back and forth.. Yesterday I had had about enough because I don't feel like he wants to be there so that in turn has been freaking me out more .. So yesterday I asked him again if he really wanted to be there or maybe he should leave - he said he wanted to leave... So he went to talk to my brother in law because he hasn't talked to anybody and basically no one knows except my sister and her husband... So that is the first he knew about my brother in law knowing so he went to talk and the plan was to come home after and take his stuff and go to a friends house - Well he never came home and never went to a friends house. No contact with OW I think pretty sure.. Anyways the problem is he has no idea what he wants.. Doesn't know today if he wants to go or not.. Worried about 2 kids.. but really has basically lost his mind which is really screwing me up.. But the question is Do I make him leave and force him to make a decision or let him hang around - Not a healthy situation

I am right there with you!!!!!!!!!! It is so very confusing. Your story is a copy of mine. I found out on 2-18-02 that H had an affair on 2/8, 2/9, 2/12. He says that they had only known each other 2 days before this happened and that it is over. However they work together.
One day he is looking for a place to live and the next we get along great. I ended up in the hospital from all the stress on tuesday, but I am doing better now.
I do know that the more I bring up the affair the more he wants to run. He says he fills pushed and that he can never take away the pain and guilt.
I believe he really does love me and wants to be with me, its just driving me crazy becasue of the trust issuse, if he lives, I worry about where he is and who he is with. I know that in time that will change, I just have to keep myself together until then.
I just keep loving him (even when it hurts) and taking care of the kids, working, and all that good stuff.
I do know that God is the only reason I am still sane at this point. Pray, Pray, Pray,
Satan will try and destroy you, you must stay strong.
I think we can make it......

yes that basically sounds like me.. I push and he can't stand talking about it all of the time and I can't stand not talking about it... My husbands A lasted approx. 6 months - some sex but alot of phone conversations but I really believe it is over... I just cannot stand to see him so screwed up.. Sad isn't it that I am worried about him... But How he is dealing with things effects me... I am just afraid to answer the phone todays knowing it may be him saying he is staying or going... I have also lost all trust and believe it or not he is mad at me because I dont trust him...I feel like I am headed for that emotional breakdown..... big time....Nice to know I am not alone....

Maw, I felt that way for about a week, whether or not to throw her out of keep her. I answered that question (you should too), what do I want? I really want to be with my wife even though she slpet with OM. That was just the beginning for us though. Because of W's A and what I did(I posted my story in recovery under, Can I be mad at my W brcausr of her past?) we/I have found out a lot more reasons than me not meeting her EN. I know that if I had not made the decision for what I want, things would not work out in the long run, amybe for a while but not forever.<p>Take a step back and think about what you want and then take a step forward towards that along with telling your spouse what it is you want to see if that is acceptable. If it is, great. If not, I'm sorry but at least you'll know then rather than down the road where the pain could be even greater.<p>Remember to think about what you want and share this with him. It may even help "him" if he understands what you want also.