Hi Everyone,
(sorry, this is long & rambling)
My spouse and I separated in Dec 2001. He moved to his parents house, claiming he felt some time apart would be a good thing. I tried to convince him to come back, but I handled it really badly and I know now that I just drove him further away.
In Jan 2002, I found emails that suggested he was having an affair with a woman he works with, loving emails, but no sexual content. Obviously, I went mad when I found out. He denied it, of course and still does. He has told me in the last couple of weeks that he is involved with this woman, but it only became serious after he left.
I have filed for divorce, but don't want to divorce at all, he claims it would be the best thing then things can, 'get back to normal'.
Over the last two weeks, his attitude towards me has changed. He phones nearly everday, always saying it is about our son, but then tries to talk to me about all kinds of things. He slipped up a couple of times, calling me honey. He has been offering to babysit a lot, which he would not do before, but this means he has to come to the house, which he did not want to do either. I am not really comfortable with this, because I received a letter from his solicitor saying that he did not want to talk to me, only to contact each other by email & text and then only about our son, so I have not been contacting him. He is the one who maintains the contact, really. I always try to keep the conversations short, but he tries to continue them . I am not cold towards him, but try to keep a distance. He has not collected his belongings, just some clothes, even though I have asked him to several times.
I feel as though I don't know whether to see if we can try again or not. I am scared of rejection again. I know that he spends a lot of time with this woman, obviously they work together and I think he spends every other weekend with her. I cannot compete with that.
I really am in a state of confusion. I am suspicious of his behaviour, because he is suddenly so much friendlier....<p>Any advice?<p>Mag

Dear Mag,<p>Welcome to MB. I am sorry for your situation but you have come to a good place that can help you understand what both you and your H are going through. There are several ways of learning about the useful tools here. <p>There is the basic concepts section located under the logo which gives a brief summary of MB principles. If you look for posts by "OneGoing" you will find an array of thread info that will help you understand what is ahead for you and your H. These are options to learn and use with your personal situation. You will hear about plan A or plan B. Tough love, roller coaster, fog, Books like His needs/Her needs, survivina an Affair, Love must be tough, etc. The first 2 books are by Dr. Harley, the later by Dr Dobson. All are good and there are even more. The purpose of reading is that you will see where you can better yourself and hopefully so can your H. <p>My H was and is in a similar situation. he did not pay attention to his family before the A, he went out and did many bad things as a result of the A and now has asked to come home and work on his family. It has been over 1 year since d/d of the biggest ea/pa. He also had several ONS (one night stands). Only now do I see the potential of recovery. Still my thoughts are guarded. <p>There are other experiences here more into recovery, much of what we practice we have learned from here and from the people who share this site. <p>Take the time to get acquainted. During this time you may be anxious and not able to sleep. Use that energy to read and learn. Post when you are able. <p>take care,
L.