I'm 29 yrs old and have been with my boyfriend (31 yrs old) for 3 years, half of which we have lived together. I just found out on 3/10/02 that he took out a 21 yr old. They had dinner and a goodnight peck. After I found out we talked and cried for over 24 hours. He called in sick to work to stay home and talk to me. He said he was at dinner with the OW and just sitting there thinking what am I doing?? He knew that it wasn't right. We have such a great life together, he says I give him everything he needs and I know he gives me everything I need. We have had tough times, but who hasn't, but we communicate and work things out. <p>We took the emotional needs questionnaire last night and I ranked high in most categories, he says I gave him everything he needed. He said it was flattering that a woman 10 years younger was interested in him. The sad part is that he now knows what I mean to him and the thought of us not having the future we planned is killing us (He had already picked out my engagement ring and was planning to ask me to marry him). <p>The part that hurts the most is that he didn't care enough to think of how I would feel or react if I found out. The trust of the past 3 years has been shattered. <p>Before I found any of the information on this website he already wanted to make reparatioms and win me back, but how do I know this won't happen again. I love my life and I love him. I haven't been able to eat since I found out, I can't go to the gym. He has agreed to counseling and I started a journal to make sure all the feelings I have are coherent enough to understand the repercussions of what he did. Last night he took me out on a date and I pretended it was our first one, even though I knew the answer to every question I asked I still wanted to hear it, it was like I got to know him all over again. He is staying at our friends house a couple of blocks away. It was so comfortable, felt so right to be with him (maybe in some ways it felt better than before). He even asked if he could hold my hand. As he dropped me off last night I gave him the journal and asked him to write out everything. He called me this morning and we are going for a coffee tonight to talk about what he wrote. <p>I wan't so much to forgive him and move ahead with the life we have planned but I'm not sure this hurt will ever go away. How can I ever let him go to business dinners or conferences. I know he loves me, I know he regrets what he did, I know he's scared that he lost me, I know he never intended to hurt me, I know he wants to woo me and win be back, but I can't get over the hurt. <p>I guess after all my ramblings my main questions are; how do you even go about rebuilding trust and what reparations are enough for me to take him back.

It strikes me that you two have something realy fabu and that he got a little carried away by some young thing that meant nothing to him. He obviously loves you. And you obviously still love him.<p>So....so! He went to dinner and gave her a quick kiss. Forget about it. In the big picture, that is nothing to worry about.<p>I'm gonna go on a limb here and say guys are struck dumb by a hot little bod and pretty face.
The factt hat he woke up in the middle of the date
means she just wasn't measuring up to you on the personality scale.<p>Will he do it again? It's hard to say. As a man, it's hard for me not to get caught up when a pretty girl gives me some attention. But the reason I don't stray is because it would hurt to no end if my wife did the same thing.<p>If he feels the same way about you, you are safe.

Hi and welcome to MB,<p>Well you are in a better place than most. You are able to nip it in the bud. Work on what helps the both of you and the fact that he is trying is great! <p>Get ahold of the book his needs/her needs. You may find it revealing for the both of you. You are both young and have a lot of your life ahead of you. Make smart choices. This can either be a learning experience or a bad one. The choice is up to both of you. <p>Take care and read up!!!<p>L.

Thanks for the advice. We talked more about all the details last night and it turns out the OW (she is an intern at his company) asked him to help her with some stuff for her class that she didn't understand. He said sure, being a nice guy and it turned in to a date. He said that he wasn't looking for anything and that he had no intention to make a date. What I still can't understand is why he didn't just invite her over for dinner at our house. I guess he was just flattered that she asked him of all people to help her and wanted to feel like a bigshot. <p>He said he didn't tell me because he knew it would have never happened again and that he didn't want to rock the boat when we were so close to our dream. He said he just wanted to forget it even happened. He is taking some time off work to take me away for a couple of days and try to win me back.<p>I consider myself lucky that is wasn't sexual and that he now realizes how lucky he is that I chose him as my partner. <p>Don't get me wrong, I'm still angry, confused, hurt, but I am trying to take my time and use my head. Why give up a wonderful future on a man who is willing to work so hard to correct his mistake. I know it's a long road to rebuild trust but if we can get through this I know we will be OK.