Hi my name is Randy. I married my wife ( we are both 39 )with four children two years ago in Feb.( my first marriage, her second) We have had some challenging times as we both started new careers and I am learning to be a step dad and husband. we have had our problems and we had an argument a couple months ago and she left and di not come home. I had a bad feeling but she assured me she was at a girlfriends house. She told me last week she was taking her cell phone bill to work to see if work would pay the bill. This struck me funny as she never did this before. So I looked at the bill online and noticed a # she had dialed the night she was out all night. I confronted her and she to having a one night stand to get back at me because I made her angry and she wanted me to feel the same way. She has a history of this behavior with her X husband as she told me she wanted to get back at him as well. I am not sure if I should continue with our marriage. I have been going thru every emotion on the scale, blaming myself etc...... Is this kind of behavior treatable? I told her I would continue our marriage if she seeks counseling and admits she has a problem which she agreed to. At what point do I draw the line? I love my wife and family but dont know if I can trust her now. She also travels a lot with her Job. My heart is broken and I am shattered. <p>Thanks for listening.<p>Randy
rndymn@yahoo.com

I am sorry for your pain. Good job coming here, you will find lots of helpful information and support. I know how hard it is. My H had an affair with my former best friend almost 6 years ago. They both lied and said it was nothing but we were still separated for 9 mos and it almost ruined his business, our marriage, etc. <p>We eventually got back 2gether and have had lots of counseling. I can say we would NOT be together without the counseling. I'm encouraged that she's agreed to go. <p>Take care of yourself. I would suggest reading the book Torn Asunder, and asking her to read it too. It does a good job of explaining why she needs to feel your pain, and you need to fully express it to start healing. There is a great article at findarticles.com called Shattered Vows by Psychology Today that is also very helpful. <p>Don't give up. Your marriage is worth saving. It'll be very hard at first, but the alternative isn't all that great either. <p>Also, if you do the emotional needs questionaires and share them, that would be a good start. Keep in touch and good luck

I think this is a very very serious problem.
You state that your wife has a pattern of behavior of having one night stands when she gets angry with her husbands. This is insane. She put herself and you at risk for STD's. You are now in a position that you will always be afraid to argue with her because she may go out and not come home and have sex with some other man?
I would be worried if she has done this before during your marriage. The fact that she did this and you have only been married for two years is pretty sad. Ask her how she would have felt if you went out and had sex with another woman and put your wife at risk because you got angry with her.
The fact that this is a pattern of behavior for her would have me seeking at attorney very quickly.
It is a good sign that she is willing to seek counseling but I wonder if it is just to placate you. A pattern of behavior is very difficult to change. Your wife seems to have no concept of the word committment and is very immature. I wish you luck whatever you decide.

Randy,<p>History often repeats itself. Be careful you took on a lot of responsilbilities with your new wife and I'm arlarmed that she stayed out the night and took her cell phone bill with her. You better give this a lot of thought and also find out what went wrong with her first marriage. Just don't be a doormat and be smart for yourself. Her actions speak volumes, "Where there is smoke there is Fire"