Hi RAL, patience is very hard, I'm having similar problems in that department. I think its something you just have to keep reminding yourself that things take time (at least that's what I'm doing) and try to manage the anger when things don't happen "now"! The MBers have reminded me more than a few times to be patient.<p>As far as control - my husband said that to me too, and I knew I did it, and I was very unhappy doing it, and know I regret not dealing with it earlier. Its very hard to successfully control another person. When they don't do as they are told, it can make you very angry and very unhappy. I thought about this after dday after many attempts to "make" my husband see my point of view; come home; tell me where he is; etc etc.
I could see he was resenting it and I was becoming even more unhappy. So I decided that I would take control of me. Its not easy, and I'm not saying that I've not slipped up, but I tell you what, its a lot less stressful when you only have to worry about one person (you).
Also, even after all my husband has done to me in the past few weeks, I know that by doing it I am showing him that I respect him-very important right now, as I know he thinks I don't because of his actions. I let HIM take responsibility for HIS decisions completely - why should I be responsible for them anyway?<p>I've also given it up at work, too and guess what? work is more fun because whatever people do to me, its their choice. If they step past my boundaries I try to be assertive (another thing I'm working on). I'm learning what my boundaries are, and claiming the right to them.<p>How did I do it? I take notice of my thought processes. When I feel the need to control, I stop that thought and see what the real feeling is beneath it. For example. If my husband decides tomorrow night that he doesn't want me to see him off at the airport (long story [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ) I will be tempted to turn up anyway. The feeling underneath doing that is fear. Fear that he may choose someone else. So if it does happen, that he says he doesn't want me to go, I will say that I am sad that he dosen't want me there, that I would like to be there, but that I respect his wishes. I will have to deal with the rest after this exchange. <p>I'm fighting it every moment of everyday, and hope it will soon become easier - everyone tells me it does.<p>In summary, its about catching yourself before you do it and remembering to respect the other person. Then do your alternative strategies (you think of strategies before the situation occurs). In the end, its my husbands life, who am I to ask him to lead it in my way? He would never be happy and I truly don't want him to live a sad life with me, I didn't fall in love with him because he did as I told him. <p>Read also love busters, regarding selfish demands that helps too. I hope some of this helps and that some others give you input too, especially those who have more practice and success than I.
