I went to see H on Friday. Got there around lunchtime. We sent to lunch. He took rest of the day off. We had nice afternoon walking on beach, etc. Went out to dinner at a nice little cozy restaurant. Went back, had great sex. Slept close to one another. Sat. we had breakfast with son, went Christmas shopping for his wet suit. Sat. night we went to great restaurant and more of the same that night... Sunday morning we made love, had lunch with son then I left to come home. Told him I loved him when I got ready to leave. He made that same funny little "uh huh or me too or something inaudible." He treats me so well when we are together, but he doesn't even want to discuss "us". I left there feeling good but still in complete limbo. I guess I need to just concentrate on getting through the holidays and making it the best it can be under the cirumstances for me and the kids.<P>He'll be here all that week. He will have to stay at his mother's. My daughter will be here, as will my son and his girlfriend. We'll be camping out as it is, so he will have no other choice but to stay at his mother's house.<P>

hi janie, have to be real quick, sorry. Will come back later. I just wanted to give you a huge hug for no LBs!!! You are so strong. It willbe a great week for the family. (((hugs)))cl

Before all of this BA(before affair) how did he handle the I love you's? I know I have to think of that when I use to get upset with H. Is it really different now. In my case it was H didn't have to be prodded to say it but I know some men have to be pushed and other always respond me too. I know when we are in so much pain and looking for every little thing to gain hope we tend to forget that. Otherwise sounds like you had a great weekend!

He used to never have a problem with I love you. In fact, he usually was the one to say it first. Can't recall when he stopped saying it, though, because I was always so busy with the kids, house, etc., one of the roots of our problems.

I know, my h was the same way and I can't remember when he stopped saying it either. He hasn't been gone very long has he? How is the new job working out? You know he may be going through withdrawal not only from OW but from you everything being new and different. Do you know if he has had any contact with OW? Is this the first time you have been to see him since he left? I am full of questions for a Mon. morning.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Yes Janie,<BR> I have the same thing going on. My H used to say I love you all the time, now he doesnt even acknowlage I have said anything when I say it. It has helped me to stop saying it quite so often and to remember something someone on this board said about saying it just because you want him to know it, not to get a reply. Don't say it like you are trying to force a reply, say it on the way out the door, and don't let it get to you when he doesn't reply. Lora

Hi Janie. I read your post and wanted to shake our H's (the twins?) My weekend was nearly identical in level of interaction as yours, except of course, he is living here. My H will say the "I love you", but he's once again "deciding" about the marriage. If I hadn't thought he had decided I wouldn't have let him move home this time. Grr. That fence-sitting just becomes so ingrained--and you KNOW it can't be comfortable. But I never again want to push him off onto the other side, but yanking him to mine doesn't work either (oh, the slivers... ).<P>Wish I could give you some advice, all I can do is commiserate.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Hang in there, Janie. From what you have described, sounds to me like he is having a mid-life meltdown, just like my H. It appears he has not given up on the marriage. He is confused; conflicted. And, there's not much we can do to get them unconfused. THEY have to work through it. Unfortuneately. It IS maddening, to say the least.<P>In my case, I have been very patient (with the help of friends, family support & drugs--anti-deps), and I think I'm beginning to see some signs of itty bitty improvement.<BR>Then again, it may just be a momentary aberation. I'm not out of the woods yet.<P>One thing I did do, as a way of maintaining my sanity is that I began to slowly withdraw. I planned things with friends, made sure I had some place to go for Christmas, & just refused to put my life on hold waiting for him. I tried to give him the impression that I was doing quite well without him. Now, I never told him I was disconnecting or that I had given up on the marriage, but it seems it has been enough so that now I think he may be a little worried. I'm not proposing that you do anything to manipulate him, just start thinking along the lines of what is good for Janie. Then do it.<P>Remember, it's one day at a time, right now. Expect nothing when you are with him, then you won't be disappointed. Just enjoy the moments you have together.

He moved 11/20/99. I saw him at Thanksgiving and then this weekend. He will be coming to town for a week at Christmas. I will have the kids at my apartment as well as one of my son's friends until after Christmas, so he will have to stay at his mother's house at least part of the time. <P>I have thought about backing off some after the holidays, but for now I'm trying to hold it together for the kids. I love him, but I don't know how much longer I can handle it all.