... I hacked into my wife's email after having felt for quite some time that something is cooking. found about 5 months worth of email (daily), all in very graphic detail. what a ****ing, utter mess.

I'm so glad you have found this site. There are so many of us that can relate to your pain and having somebody to vent to really helps. You are going to be on a roller coaster, I know I've been there. My H had an affair with my former best friend and it has almost destroyed me. He lied about it for 6 years and I just found out 8 mos ago. Feels like it just happened. <p>We have had lots of counseling, praying, read lots of books, etc. We were also separated back when it happened but I was told it was EA only. It was so hard to see him moping around and watch her lead him on. I had just been her matron of honor 6 mos before. No big surprise, that her marriage (#2) didn't last. She was with H#2 during her first marriage and my H during her second. Very sad. I do forgive them but it's taken a long time and lots of prayer to do it. I sure couldn't do it alone.<p>Please read everything you can and get yourself into counseling. You are going to need lots of support. I will pray for you. keep posting

situation has calmed somewhat
wife & I are trying to use the situation as a new starting point.
however - she said she'll need some time away & went to see the other guy. blast. so doubts remain, but I still love & trust her, and she assures that this is reciprocal.
so, am alone at home and think think think. where will it go?

Welcome nfrei...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>Thinking is good...
...learning how to act ...with the understanding of MB concepts behind your actions... will get you and your W through this.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

nfrie - just wanted to touch base and empathize with you. It just feels like everything is such a mess, and every 60 minutes I seem to change my mind about what I should do. <p>Especially difficult to hear that she went to see the OM. My heart goes out to you, because I am not sure I could have lived with it if my H wanted to have any further contact with OW. At this point, *I'm* the one who wants to contact her and do mean, angry, hurtful things to her!

Thanks KS for your reply and empathizing.
It's tough, I know, but we keep in touch daily and somehow I manage to convince myself that when she will be back everyting will be OK. naive? of course, but hope is what keeps me going now.
Once she'll be back, however, I'll put plan A before her & will jointly seek professional help.<p>Again, many thanks.<p>N