Aw sh**! I can't believe this.<p>I'm posting to get this off my chest, but am kind of embarrassed to do so.<p>I hadn't had anything like an anxiety or panic attack in weeks, and even then had been able to pretty easily get myself under control when they came on, by focusing intensely on whatever I was doing at the time.<p>I just had another one, and I can't figure it out. I was able to control it the same as before, but I'm not sure why it even came along. Took about a half hour, but it seems to be pretty much gone.<p>Happened just before my WW called me back from her conference. I had called earlier, but her phone was off. I have been thinking I've beebn doing pretty well, but when she called me yesterday I had apparently sounded sorta down, and when she asked I simply said I wasn't optimistic about our chances after what she'd said at our MC meeting Tuesday. Boy, that was dumb! So, when I was talking to her today, I made an effort to be cheerful on the phone and ask how she was doing (and apologized for sounding down yesterday), but she said something like "it's hard to be excited with all that's going on lately." Not a big deal, perhaps, but it hit me funny, I guess.<p>Maybe because since the meeting with the MC, and our discussion of how our chances were for rebuilding our M, I've noticed that all this time, although I've been everywhere between optimistic to LB'ing (trying hard not to do any of that lately!), she hasn't really done much of anything, or expressed anything very positive at all. Like she really does expect me to fix everything so that she can "see how I do" and decide whether to stay in the M or not. Sure, there are sparks of hints that she really wants our M, but they really only show when it looks like I might be giving up and looking stronger, and I've been pretty much facing that possibility more and more with less apprehension the whole time. <p>And, as I've said on other threads in the past couple days, what really disturbs me right now is that, after 2 months since D-day, and probably at least 4 since she believed she ended the EA, she feels there was nothing wrong with sending a very personal email to OM on my birthday, just 2.5 weeks ago! and even yelling at the MC about it when the MC tried to explain that my reaction to finding that email (she didn't tell me she'd sent it, obviously) was normal.<p>Don't know what I'm after, just some moral support while I come back from this stupid panic attack. Cripes, I thought I was done with those!

2long,<p>You are on the rollercoaster. Pretty normal. It was nice of W to worry about you being down. I think she doesn't know how to help or what to do so she is letting you do it all. <p>Of course, that is why that "stupid, simple" MB plan does work. It is very subtle, but seems to simple. We have talked before. But, what you are seeing is that she doesn't have a clue about how to fix this or heal it.<p>Since she is pretty full of herself, perhaps the challenge for her to devise a plan for the repair and rebuild of your marriage. Then the two of you can discuss it, bring in the MC and see what his suggestions are and proceed. <p>Wanna, bet if she does this it will sound and look a bit like MB? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You two are only really two months out, and I will remind you again of SKM's post. I think there is another time line buried in her post. I believe there is a bookmark to an earlier thread that discusses more of this. IF you didn't get there, you might want to have a look at it as well.<p>I think you will start to see commitment as time move on and you keep trying. But, I do think that perhaps a discuss about "her plan" would be very interesting to hear.<p>Meanwhile, hang in there. From all that I have read you are going along very normally.<p>God Bless and have a good weekend.<p>JL

JL:<p>I'll try to have a good weekend. I really will. But man, this is hard.<p>Thanks for your posts again. I need that.

JL:<p>I realized what may have set me off this time. Since WW could still be in contact with OM, and content of email includes personal stuff about me, her, and our relationship, I'm worried she'll keep him posted about what's going on in our relationship, and so I'll be reluctant to communicate anything important to HER. This is a big problem, potentially, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to deal with it. ...a case where the reasons behind the no contact rule are pretty obvious.

She sends a personal email to the OM on your
birthday 2 weeks ago? She is continuing to disrespect you and your marriage. She must cut all contact immediately and send a no contact letter to the OM right now. If she continues to stay in
contact that the chances of you rebuilding your marriage is almost impossible. As long as she continues to disrespect you this way then she is not serious about your marriage. It also sounds
like she wants him to stick around if your marriage does not work. She does not understand the marriage will never work if she remains in contact.
I think that you must convey this is not acceptable period and that you will not allow yourself to be a doormat. She is the one that broke the marriage vows and put your health at risk. The very least she can do is stop having contact with the OM. I think you should make her aware of the consequences if the contact continues.
If the roles were reversed would she allow you to have contact with the OW? I don't think so.
I wish you luck.

Bryanp:<p>Thanks for your input. This is a very sensitive issue with me, because of the working relationship between them (he works for her, but in a consulting role out of state, she's waiting for his report sometime by the end of May, though it's been "due" for a while). You're right about everything, though. But my IC, who spoke with her last week to get her perspective, recommends I not focus on the OM issue right now. But because of my realization that I may not even be able to do an effective plan A at this point, because he might be kept aprised of everything I do, I think I'm going to have to say something. <p>No, she doesn't believe our marriage will work. She's said she's "emotionally divorced" and "never wanted to be married" and "hates being called wife" and similar sh**. My thinking, and that of my IC, was that I would focus on our relationship, defining the boundaries, and if things improved OM would become a non-issue, but if I have to be concerned he'll get a play by play of everything I try to do, I may just have to push my W off that damned fence. This pulls a good vacuum.