I have several questions here. First a little about the past couple of months.<p>In Dec. I found number on cell phone. Asked H and finally admitted to EA. Plan B for 3 weeks. Went to counceling couple of times. Didn't like Dr. We went along pretty well for 2 months. I was plan A'ing my butt off. H told me to stop the corney stuff and by then I knew something was up.<p>Told H that we needed to talk and let him know that it had to be by Sat. On that Fri night we went out riding around and H "came clean" about everything.<p>The EA was actually a PA all along. He thought he was in love with her. They had still been in contact everyday. I Love you's exchanged. OW had been offered a job at his place of employment. I told him that if she took it I was filing papers. This is and has been the only absolute demand. H said he wanted to stay and restore the marriage. After much screaming about lying again and more crying we decided again to try counsel. <p>H called OW and told her not to take the job that he was staying home with me and working out the problems. Thurs of this week we went out of town just the two of us for 4 days. Pretty nice but on the way home OW calls on the cell phone. Now H confesses that she had taken the job just out of bitterness but he hadn't told me because he was sure that she would change her mind.<p>So now I am screaming again about more lies. We had great talks over weekend. I can't handle any more and start making out who pays what, when H gets kids, ect. Then OW calls again and says that she turned down the job again.<p>By now I have had enough and tell him no more I am leaving and he can have her. I am tired of competing with her in and outside of bed. (She is 5'3 110 lbs beautiful H says. This was one reason for the A. How could she want me? And I am 5'7 160 lbs and just average. Ouch)<p>So after H begged and begged he called OW and said, Do Not Take the job. She said she didn't and so he said good, we are done right? No phone calls? She said yes and you can kiss my A**. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So now we are back to square one. Told him that I couldn't put much into relationship after all of this I just need a break. He will be doing all of the work for now. I am tired. <p>Now about the sex images? How in the world do you get them out of your head. H did everything with her that we did. What is there that is special between us? When we have sex I see that knockout blonde on him and just freak. If he wants a new position I think it is so he won't have to see my face and can visualize her? I am sick with this and can't bring my self to let him touch me. How long does this last and is there anything I can to to help myself stop the madness? I know H was thrilled because someone that beautiful wanted him. He is attractive but no model. I understand that part but can't get over the images in my head. or heart. Thanks for any suggestions that you might have

Hi Hurtandlonely. I don't think I will be much help to you at all, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
My fiance cheated twice with a co-worker. I am also having a very hard time dealing with the images...sometimes I am OK...and other times I just get teary-eyed. It's so difficult. I did ask him some gory details...at first he was angry...but I explained that I had to know if there was something sexual that I could still consider "ours" that he did not share with her. I will be checking your topic, hoping that someone has some suggestions...
You are lucky she turned down the job. What happened with me...the co-worker quit her job, but then came back a couple of weeks later. I am not happy with this. I don't believe anything is going on because I keep pretty good tabs on him, and he does regret what happened, and is working with me to "fix" things. But I want her outta there! Apparently she may have come back for a few weeks, just so she could give notice and get a good reference for a new job. (She had quit without notice, which is a no-no.) So I am hoping this is the case. If not, I don't know what I will do...I am adamant that they cannot work together.
Anyway...sorry for babbling...I hope some of the great people here can give some good answers. My best wishes to you.

Hi hurtandlonely, sorry to say the visions last a while. I found out about my wife's affair 1.5 months ago, the visions were unbearable at first, but time does seem to diminish them. She has not shut off the affair totally, still talking with OM, which is a co-worker, so the vision linger on. But I firmly believe that if/when she does finally end it the visions will slowly vanish as they have started too. Good luck.

To Hurtandlonely,
I wish I had the magic wand to take away the images. I know exactly what you are talking about. My H and the OW wrote notes to each other, which I discovered. While they were written in a poetic manner, the images are very painful to me. I look at it as being traumatized which can have long lingering effects. Any trauma takes time and work to lessen. I have chosen to go to individual counseling, not only for dealing with the hurt but to secure myself in what I need/want in a relationship and be true to myself. I don't know if this is helpful for you, but you are not alone in feeling this way.
Take care- SOF

Dear Hurt and Lonely,
I,too, have had a bad time dealing with images and thoughts of H EA/ some PA. They showered together and now how do I ever get clean again with out thinking about that?? BUT.. I can, because of Gods love, grace and peace. Read Phillipians 4. It has been my lifeline through this whole process. Counting your blessings, even when it feels like there are none. #1 Your H is willing to work on YOUR relatioship. #2 He has told OW he will not see her. These are GREAT things to be thankful for and if your read any of the posts in this site you'll agree,many do not have those things to be thankful for. So, everytime your thinking of those "bad" things replace the thought with a "GOOD" thought. In time it helps. I'm not going to tell you it isn't hard, it is the hardest, but, in time it will help.