When you're done here check out===>Notable Posts/Threads [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>From Tempest...
I would just like to post a caution here. While we do try very, very hard to make these forums a 'safe haven' for all forum participants, we have had occasional incidences where participants have been followed here and bothered by individuals they know in real life. If you are planning to post a profile containing any kind of personal information anywhere, keep in mind that anyone can read anything posted on the forums and in user profiles.<p>Try not to publicly post any personally identifiable information if you have any kind of concern about anyone reading your posts/profiles and knowing it is you. This caution is meant solely for your own protection.<p>Thank you.<p>------------------
Tempest, Moderator
Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:
General Questions II, Just Found Out...,
Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery<p>***********************************************************************
To see an alphabetized list of respondents to this post...
...so you can find what "page" they posted to...
...and an alternative link to their "profile"...
check out===>Roll Call Index [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I've created this post as a way to have everyone find the quick info of those regularly on the forum, and as a way to offer, to newer members, "contacts" when posting. It's use is neither for the purpose of gathering statistics&#8230; nor to divulge personal information for public use.<p>It is a follow-up to the Roll Call and the Roll call: who are we? post started August 1999 (now in Read Only&#8230; where no changes allowed)<p>Let's keep it brief, but informative&#8230; that is the idea. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please provide only what you deem relevant to you&#8230; and what you wish to disclose.
Don't feel you have to provide any of the information.<p>

1. Female/Male
2. Your Age and Spouse's Age
3. Betrayed/Possibly Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination
4. ## years married
5. ## years have known spouse before marriage
6. ## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery
7. ## months total length of the affair
8. Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown
9. ## of Affairs (approximate)
10. Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months
11. Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements
12. OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single
13. OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other
14. Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago)
15. >Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet
16. ## months on the Marriage Builders forums

<p>Very personal&#8230; Very optional&#8230;
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

1. ## children of the marriage (ages)
2. Who has physical custody?
3. Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)?
4. In counseling? with Harley's/with Other&#8230;and&#8230;Alone/with Spouse
5. On medication/anti-depressants?&#8230; What kind?
6. Mid-Life Crisis involved?
7. Alcoholism involved?
8. Has there been STD as a result of affair?
9. Abuse?
10. Suicide attempted?
11. Lesbian/Gay issues?
12. Anything Else&#8230;it's completely up to you&#8230;

<p>Consider putting narrative(long) descriptions in the ===>Profiles post.<p>------------------------------------------<p>Originally posted by NSR

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OneGoing:
<strong>When you're done here check out===>Notable Posts/Threads [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>From Tempest...
I would just like to post a caution here. While we do try very, very hard to make these forums a 'safe haven' for all forum participants, we have had occasional incidences where participants have been followed here and bothered by individuals they know in real life. If you are planning to post a profile containing any kind of personal information anywhere, keep in mind that anyone can read anything posted on the forums and in user profiles.<p>Try not to publicly post any personally identifiable information if you have any kind of concern about anyone reading your posts/profiles and knowing it is you. This caution is meant solely for your own protection.<p>Thank you.<p>------------------
Tempest, Moderator
Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:
General Questions II, Just Found Out...,
Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery<p>***********************************************************************
To see an alphabetized list of respondents to this post...
...so you can find what "page" they posted to...
...and an alternative link to their "profile"...
check out===>Roll Call Index [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I've created this post as a way to have everyone find the quick info of those regularly on the forum, and as a way to offer, to newer members, "contacts" when posting. It's use is neither for the purpose of gathering statistics&#8230; nor to divulge personal information for public use.<p>It is a follow-up to the Roll Call and the Roll call: who are we? post started August 1999 (now in Read Only&#8230; where no changes allowed)<p>Let's keep it brief, but informative&#8230; that is the idea. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please provide only what you deem relevant to you&#8230; and what you wish to disclose.
Don't feel you have to provide any of the information.<p>

1. Female/Male
2. Your Age and Spouse's Age
3. Betrayed/Possibly Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination
4. ## years married
5. ## years have known spouse before marriage
6. ## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery
7. ## months total length of the affair
8. Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown
9. ## of Affairs (approximate)
10. Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months
11. Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements
12. OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single
13. OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other
14. Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago)
15. >Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet
16. ## months on the Marriage Builders forums

<p>Very personal&#8230; Very optional&#8230;
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

1. ## children of the marriage (ages)
2. Who has physical custody?
3. Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)?
4. In counseling? with Harley's/with Other&#8230;and&#8230;Alone/with Spouse
5. On medication/anti-depressants?&#8230; What kind?
6. Mid-Life Crisis involved?
7. Alcoholism involved?
8. Has there been STD as a result of affair?
9. Abuse?
10. Suicide attempted?
11. Lesbian/Gay issues?
12. Anything Else&#8230;it's completely up to you&#8230;

<p>Consider putting narrative(long) descriptions in the ===>Profiles post.<p>------------------------------------------<p>Originally posted by NSR</strong><hr></blockquote>

Female
my age - 31; h age-33
betrayed
7 1/2 years married
knew spouse 3 years before married
found out last night
one night stand
physical affair
only 1 I know of
no plan
live together
ow-dancer at strip club
3 kids - 1,3,5
i'm on prozac
possible std - dr appt tommorrow<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OneGoing:
<strong>When you're done here check out===>Notable Posts/Threads [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>From Tempest...
I would just like to post a caution here. While we do try very, very hard to make these forums a 'safe haven' for all forum participants, we have had occasional incidences where participants have been followed here and bothered by individuals they know in real life. If you are planning to post a profile containing any kind of personal information anywhere, keep in mind that anyone can read anything posted on the forums and in user profiles.<p>Try not to publicly post any personally identifiable information if you have any kind of concern about anyone reading your posts/profiles and knowing it is you. This caution is meant solely for your own protection.<p>Thank you.<p>------------------
Tempest, Moderator
Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:
General Questions II, Just Found Out...,
Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery<p>***********************************************************************
To see an alphabetized list of respondents to this post...
...so you can find what "page" they posted to...
...and an alternative link to their "profile"...
check out===>Roll Call Index [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I've created this post as a way to have everyone find the quick info of those regularly on the forum, and as a way to offer, to newer members, "contacts" when posting. It's use is neither for the purpose of gathering statistics&#8230; nor to divulge personal information for public use.<p>It is a follow-up to the Roll Call and the Roll call: who are we? post started August 1999 (now in Read Only&#8230; where no changes allowed)<p>Let's keep it brief, but informative&#8230; that is the idea. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please provide only what you deem relevant to you&#8230; and what you wish to disclose.
Don't feel you have to provide any of the information.<p>

1. Female/Male
2. Your Age and Spouse's Age
3. Betrayed/Possibly Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination
4. ## years married
5. ## years have known spouse before marriage
6. ## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery
7. ## months total length of the affair
8. Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown
9. ## of Affairs (approximate)
10. Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months
11. Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements
12. OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single
13. OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other
14. Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago)
15. >Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet
16. ## months on the Marriage Builders forums

<p>Very personal&#8230; Very optional&#8230;
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

1. ## children of the marriage (ages)
2. Who has physical custody?
3. Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)?
4. In counseling? with Harley's/with Other&#8230;and&#8230;Alone/with Spouse
5. On medication/anti-depressants?&#8230; What kind?
6. Mid-Life Crisis involved?
7. Alcoholism involved?
8. Has there been STD as a result of affair?
9. Abuse?
10. Suicide attempted?
11. Lesbian/Gay issues?
12. Anything Else&#8230;it's completely up to you&#8230;

<p>Consider putting narrative(long) descriptions in the ===>Profiles post.<p>------------------------------------------<p>Originally posted by NSR</strong><hr></blockquote>

^Up^

My name is Dawn;
I'm 27, husband is 31;
Husband is addicted to pornography;
married 8 months;
dated for 2 1/2 years;
have known since we met, but has gotten worse;
neither of us has had an affair, but this is really getting to me hard;
he has finally agreed there is a problem, and that he needs help, but hasn't fully agreed to help yet;
we are still living together, but our relationship is pretty strained right now;
we have discussed the problem frequently, but it doesn't seem to be helping;
I have previously read alot of the Dr. Harley's site - but my husband has not;
we have three children - 2 of mine from a previous marriage and one of his - all are boys, 4, 7, and 10;
we have my two living with us, his is in another state, but we get him for the summer;
we got married because we knew we wanted to be together, we were having premarital sex and it really bothered both of us - so even though we were having problems we got married - because we knew we didn't want anyone else.

Female
I'm 29, H is 30
I'm the BS, H is the WS
11 years married
Together 15 years....High School Sweethearts
16 months since D-Day
A lasted about 1 year....started EA..then PA
1 A
In RECOVERY for 8 months and going strong
Seperated 3 times: 5 days...6 days....3 months.
OW was M...H and her divorced...currently back together and supposedly remarrying.
OW was H's cowoker...H was her boss. OW no longer works there.
Divorce was disucced at length between H and I.
Not really following any principles...just taking it day by day and doing very well.
Been on MB for a little over a year now.<p>3 daughters: 11, 5 and 4
No other children involved
No counseling for either
Possible early MLC for my H
No alchohol abuse
No STD's
Verbal abuse while A was ongoing<p>Our then 10 yr old daughter said that she wanted to throw herlsef in the middle of the road and be hit by a car so she didn't have to go through what she was going through anymore. This was soom after my H left us. Immediately got her into counseling.<p>H comntimplated suicide when parents disowned him and several times while in the "fog". Says the only reason he didn't was because of his daughters.

Can't believe I haven't done this yet...<p>Current as of: 6/21/02<p>Male
Your Age: 31
Spouse's Age: 30
Betrayed
nearly 9 years married
5 years have known spouse before marriage
nearly 10 months since "discovery"
suspect 15 months total length of the affair
Both EA&PA (PA began within last 8 months)
2 Affairs by WW
Currently in: Plan B for 17 days
Living separate (17 days, w/out OP)
OP is: single
OP is: co-worker
Divorce has been: discussed rarely
Following principles of: MB (some Divorce Busters)
8 months on the Marriage Builders forums<p>0 children of the marriage
No OC
In counseling: with Harley's (myself), with local therapist (separately, a few joint sessions)
No anti-depressants
Suicide contemplated by WW, but no plans formed

1. W-BS-40. H-WS-41.
2. Married 9.9 yrs. Known each other 24 yrs
3. 1-S-4
4. H put out 7/00 (physical/verbal abuse).
5. Back 9/00.
6. Left 10/00 (suspect affair)
5. D-day #1 03/03/01
6. Reconciled 9/01 (had no plan for recovery)
7. D-day #2 7/09/02
8. OP-34-Single. 1-S-19. Raising Neice-12
9. H-anger/gambling (met OP on Casino boat)
10. Verbal abuse (mostly), Physical abuse (some)

I let the peace of God rule in my heart and I refuse to worry about anything. (Colosians 3:15)

I'm not sure if this is just for the Infidelity board, or needed for membership to the ENTIRE board, but here goes:

1. Female
2. I'm 30, my dear hubby is 32
3. We have never had infedility in our relationship, and I hope never will.
4. Married 12/23/01 - This is my second(and last) marriage, my hubby's first (and only)marriage.
5. Knew spouse since 12/99
6-15. NOT APPLICABLE (And I know how blessed I am trust me)
16. I am hoping to get hubby to do some of the Love Buster and Emotional Needs questionnaires, but he feels "if it's not broke, don't fix it". I feel after having one first marriage go down the tubes, I want to make sure I don't make the same mistakes as last time.

I have 3 children from my previous marriage, which all reside with me. My children's father and I get along "amicably", but not awesome. He is relocating (in USAF) summer of '03 to same state, to resume weekly weekend visits.

No mid-life crisis, drugs, alcohol, etc. We all have mental issues, it's how many we have and how we handle them that matters.

I feel I struggle with depression very often, but am not on any medication.

When I was struggling with my first marriage I was very suicidal at times. That was when I realized, it's better to be divorced than dead. At least my children will still have their mother.

I hope this is not TMI (TOO MUCH INFORMATION)

Me BH, her WS, both late 30's
Married 13 years, known each other 18.
She disclosed EA 3/02
Found out it was PA since 2/02
W moved in with OM 6/02
W moved back home 7/02 (3 weeks later)
Brief "honeymoon" reconcilliation phase 8/02
Slide phase 9/02-10/02
Found out W and OM have had contact 11/02
Found out about MB 11/02
Working on EN questionaires and implementing plan A now.
DDay 11/4 - phone contact (probably not the first)

We still sleep together, talk a lot. But, W still will not commit to trying to save marriage. W still has addiction to OM and is still in the fog. W not sure if she wants to start over. Me, I'm just struggling between trying and giving up. Glad I discovered MB, but wish I would have found it months ago.

DDay 11/28 - bust her with OM, with MIL at MIL's! - Told her not to come home. She stays with OM.
12/1 - Told her to come home, she does. Says she will send note of NC to OM.
12/6 - She wasn't going to work on MB. Still hasn't given up OM. Was looking at moving out. Asked her not to move out that night. She does.

At this point, I don't have much hope of A ending before my LB goes negative - cause I think it already has.

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 08:49 AM: Message edited by: SandB ]</small>

^^^^^^up^^^^^^

^ bump ^

Here I go... ...keeping my info updated...
Male
Age 44... xW(41)
Betrayed
12 1/2 years married (now divorced 22+ months)
known spouse 5 years before marriage
3.75+ years since discovery
affair began about 3-4 months before discovery
Both an Emotional and Physical Affair
Plan A-ed... so-so from the beginning... good after finding these forums... great after session(s) with Steve Harley...
...but I entered Plan B (1/14/2001 W read the Plan B letter)
Living separate(8/28/1999... she moved out with OM)
OM has divorced ~June 2000 from his 2nd W
OM found from Internet
Divorce had been originally filed(by xW)... counter-filed by me... she signed the last of the PSA 12/29/2000... I signed on 1/19/2001... DV has been completed on March 19 (feast day of Saint Joseph... patron of fathers... I know where my duty lies)
I have followed principles of MB... and now closed out the tail end of Plan B (all "marital" love is now lost)
3.33 years on the Marriage Builders forums

3 beautiful children (20yo stepson, 13yo boy, 10yo girl)
I have physical custody... since she left us
I had 2 counseling sessions with Steve Harley (12/99)
Used only St. John's Wart
xW definitely had a Mid-Life Crisis (admits it in e-mails)
xW (and OM) are now practicing 'social' nudists... and wanted to draw the kids into it... (see Profiles)

Jim / New Sun Rising

<small>[ January 01, 2003, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: NSR ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by OneGoing:
<strong>When you're done here check out===>Notable Posts/Threads <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Tempest...
I would just like to post a caution here. While we do try very, very hard to make these forums a 'safe haven' for all forum participants, we have had occasional incidences where participants have been followed here and bothered by individuals they know in real life. If you are planning to post a profile containing any kind of personal information anywhere, keep in mind that anyone can read anything posted on the forums and in user profiles.

Try not to publicly post any personally identifiable information if you have any kind of concern about anyone reading your posts/profiles and knowing it is you. This caution is meant solely for your own protection.

Thank you.

------------------
Tempest, Moderator
Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:
General Questions II, Just Found Out...,
Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery

***********************************************************************
To see an alphabetized list of respondents to this post...
...so you can find what "page" they posted to...
...and an alternative link to their "profile"...
check out===>Roll Call Index <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've created this post as a way to have everyone find the quick info of those regularly on the forum, and as a way to offer, to newer members, "contacts" when posting. It's use is neither for the purpose of gathering statistics&#8230; nor to divulge personal information for public use.

It is a follow-up to the Roll Call and the Roll call: who are we? post started August 1999 (now in Read Only&#8230; where no changes allowed)

Let's keep it brief, but informative&#8230; that is the idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Please provide only what you deem relevant to you&#8230; and what you wish to disclose.
Don't feel you have to provide any of the information.

</font>

1. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Female/Male</font></li>
2. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your Age and Spouse's Age</font></li>
3. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Betrayed/Possibly Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination</font></li>
4. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## years married</font></li>
5. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## years have known spouse before marriage</font></li>
6. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery</font></li>
7. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## months total length of the affair</font></li>
8. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown</font></li>
9. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## of Affairs (approximate)</font></li>
10. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months</font></li>
11. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements</font></li>
12. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single</font></li>
13. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other</font></li>
14. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago)</font></li>
15. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">>Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet</font></li>
16. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## months on the Marriage Builders forums</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very personal&#8230; Very optional&#8230;
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)
</font>

1. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">## children of the marriage (ages)</font></li>
2. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who has physical custody?</font></li>
3. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)?</font></li>
4. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In counseling? with Harley's/with Other&#8230;and&#8230;Alone/with Spouse</font></li>
5. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">On medication/anti-depressants?&#8230; What kind?</font></li>
6. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mid-Life Crisis involved?</font></li>
7. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Alcoholism involved?</font></li>
8. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has there been STD as a result of affair?</font></li>
9. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Abuse?</font></li>
10. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Suicide attempted?</font></li>
11. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lesbian/Gay issues?</font></li>
12. <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anything Else&#8230;it's completely up to you&#8230;</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Consider putting narrative(long) descriptions in the ===>Profiles post.

------------------------------------------

Originally posted by NSR</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Female, married 8 years, husband has come close to cheating, husband is alcoholic, husband is abusive verbally and physically to kids and myself, I am in plan Z-have tried them all. husband is into online pron. found this out 3 years ago and he will not give it up.

^

female
me-34 H-36
2 boys--ages 31/2 and 51/2 y.o.
betrayed
married 12 years
knew spouse 3 years before married
D-Day March, 2002
EA/PA lasted 5 months
in recovery/counseling
OW-divorced mother of 5 year-old; H's previous co-worker
currently un-medicated--needing Celexa refill

^

Female, 41
Husband is 39
1 child, boy, 15 months
Married 3 years
Knew spouse 4 years prior to marriage
Dated 2 years
Lived together 1 year prior to marriage
No affair involved
Lots of arguments and hurtful behavior towards each other

female
both are 42
left cuz of friends
married 20 yrs
he is living in a house with 12 people in it
left his job me and this state to be with friends
1 daughter
i filed for divorce

female WW age 23
BH age 23
married 2 1/2 years
knew H 4 years before marriage; dated 3 1/2 (HS sweethearts)
dday oct 1st, 02 (5 mths ago)
EA 6 mths; PA last 4 mths of A
1st A
still living w H and working on M
OM age 21, single
OM was co-worker/friend
have discussed divorce twice (didn't get much past discussion)
6 mths pregnant with OM's baby - first child
currently in MC together - going great!
no medication, mid-life crisis, alcohol, stds, abuse, suicide attempts... just me messing up my life at a very early age