1. Female
2. my age 41, H 43
3. betrayed
4. 11 years
5. dating 3 years
6. 2 months
7. 11mth (last 7 in a fatal attraction type)
8. EA/PA
9. Recovery
10.Living together
11.OW/business associate Single
14.Divorce not considered
1. G/8, B/5
2. Counsling: marriage & H/alone
3. no abuse, no alcohol, no drugs

<small>[ February 21, 2003, 03:53 PM: Message edited by: suzanneS ]</small>

Female
Me: 35. Partner: 33
Betrayed (unusual circumstances; knew about the affair from the beginning.)
12 years married, knew each other for 4 years first
Affair started a year ago (December) and sort of ended in January of this year. I've known about it all along.
Both EA&PA
No other affairs.
Currently in: Plan I don't know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Something else for 1 1/2 months
Living together
OP is: single
OP is: a friend
Has divorce been: only feared.
Following principles of: Imago Therapy. I've read and followed these principles for two months or so.
Just registered. Have read for a couple of months.

1 daughter, 2 months old.
In counseling? Yes, together, not Harleys.
No medication, though I think we may need it.
No Mid-Life Crisis involved.
No Alcoholism involved.
No STDs.
No Abuse.
No Suicide attempted, though I have contemplated it.
Lesbian/Gay issues? We are both women. She identifies as straight these days, I have always identified as bi. OP is male.

We are unusual here in that we're a same-sex couple. We are extremely unusual here in that I believe that polyamory can, in fact, work. I no longer believe it works for my partner, but I've had relationships have worked and not damaged our relationship (that I can tell, and she agrees).

Female
Me - 42, H - 51
Betrayed with EA
21 years married
1 years have known spouse before marriage
<1 months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery
I think 3 months total length of the affair
Emotional Affair
I believe that this is his first affair
Currently in: Plan A
Living together - he's sleeping in the extra bedroom
OP is: married
OP is: co-worker
Has divorce been: not discussed
Following principles of: MB
<1 months on the Marriage Builders forums
2 children of the marriage ages 19 & 23
Are there Other Children involved OW has two teenage children, really torn up
In counseling? with other, with spouse
On medication/anti-depressants?… Paxil
Mid-Life Crisis involved? I hope so....
Suicide attempted? Not attempted but I've thought about it, made plans to do it.

1)He is fudd./ She is petunia.
2)BH 55, WW42
3)Betrayed
4)19 years.
5)Met Apr, 83 M Jan 84
6)A. July 83.???
7)Don't know.
8)Unknown. She don't want to remember those trying times.
9) Not ready to open up completely yet, anger at self, extends to me. Hey I know that she is trying! That is all I ask.
10) Recovery, IN LOVE,(most of the time) and talking.
11) Together, and locked at the heart.
12) OM Married.
13)Temporary co worker/Rater.(2weeks)
14) NEVER even considered. She is just human!
15)Reading and implementing.
16)Lurked for a couple of weeks then saw it as the place to be. Joined in March 03.
Son, typical 16 yo self proffessed genious who can't run a dishwasher.
Daughter by former marriage. 28yo.
3 Grandchildren 10,6,2.
...............
Mosquitoes kill more marriages than aligators do!

I'm new to this site, but will give this a try.
Female-mid 40's
Married 25+ years
Husband had 2 year EA/PA
D-day nearly 2 years ago
In recovery and following MB principles

1. Female
2. me 45 H 34
3. betrayed
4. married 10 years 11 months
5. knew each other 2 1/2 years before marriage
6. 1 month
7. 2 years or so (H not sure when began)
8. EA then PA last year or so
9. 1
10. working on recovery 1 month
11. living together
12. OP is divorced
13. OP is customer
14. divorce never discussed
15. Reading MB like crazy
16. Discover forums day after Dday

Edited, used as kindling for a personal flame on my e-mail address.

<small>[ September 13, 2003, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: dustkitty ]</small>

Me BH just turned 40 in may, her WS, 38
Married 18 years, knew/dated each other 2 prior.
D-Day: I discovered evidence of e:mail, chat(on a site called "Married But Tempted", nice huh ?) & phone sex with multiple people on 4/21(had been going on most of Feb/March/April)
This would be the first of about 5 "D-days" as information was uncovered/found out over course of several weeks.
She confessed to meeting one man for lunch
Was confronted with evidence of meeting another man (cell phone records/e:mails)
confessed to one-night stand
Caught on telephone recorder having phone sex while I was away for work(May 2)
Caught by phone records of meeting another man in early apli - confessed to 2nd one-night stand(may 10th)
Tested for STDs on 6/11, all tests negative
Began MC on 6/4 - 5 sessions so far - Wife diagnosed with OCD
Caught calling former phone sex partner while both of us were away together(6/17)
(swears it was a 'good-bye/closure' call but lied about, even when 1st caught.

Things are going pretty well. Trust is still a major issue. We have done much of the recommended work suggested here, and by others. Wife is trying very hard to reconcile. I am having good/bad days based on events. Calls to the house/cell phone have almost stopped completely (she spoke with over 40 different out of state men during the 2-3 months, not all had gottent eh message) I have passwords to all e:mail accounts, spy software on PC, telephone recorder on home lines (she doesn't know this is still happening)

I have hope, but fear the OCD may cause additional 'events' (attemps to contact prior phone affairs)..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by OneGoing:
<strong> From Tempest...
------------------
I've created this post as a way to have everyone find the quick info of those regularly on the forum, and as a way to offer, to newer members, "contacts" when posting. Let's keep it brief, but informative&#8230; that is the idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Originally posted by NSR</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--------------------
OK y'all, I'm jumping on this bandwagon. Here goes nothing...
Please provide only what you deem relevant to you… and what you wish to disclose.
Don't feel you have to provide any of the information.

Female/Male--MALE
Your Age and Spouse's Age--I'M 45, FORMER WIFE IS 41, CURRENT WIFE IS 46
Betrayed/Possibly Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination)--I'M BETRAYED SPOUSE
## years married--PREVIOUS MARRIAGE: 17 3/4 YEARS, CURRENT: 3 YEARS
## years have known spouse before marriage: PREVIOUS MARRIAGE: 2 YEARS, CURRENT: 1/2 YEAR
## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery--N/A
## months total length of the affair--PREVIOUS: MY AFFAIR: 2 MONTHS, HER AFFAIRS: 3 MONTHS EACH
Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown:--PREVIOUS: BOTH AFFAIRS PA
## of Affairs (approximate)--PREVIOUS: I HAD ONE AFFAIR; SHE HAD TWO. CURRENT: I HAD ONE EA 3 MONTHS
Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months:--COMPLETED RECOVERY!
Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP)--PREVIOUS: WIFE MARRIED OP. HE DIVORCED HIS WIFE TO MARRY MINE!
OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single--PREVIOUS: MARRIED WHILE THEY HAD THE AFFAIR.
OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other--PREVIOUS: HER BOSS AT WORK.
Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed--PREVIOUS: DIVORCED 5 YEARS AGO.
>Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet--PREVIOUS: CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELING WAS A JOKE.
## months on the Marriage Builders forums: 16 MONTHS.

Very personal… Very optional…
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

## children of the marriage (ages): PREVIOUS: 2 BOYS, ONE IS 2O OTHER IS 17. CURRENT: NO KIDS.
Who has physical custody?--EX WIFE DOES.
Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)? NO.
In counseling? with Harley's/with Other…and…Alone/with Spouse: CURRENT: NOT NOW, COMPLETED GOOD CHRISTIAN COUNSELING.
On medication/anti-depressants?… What kind?--I TRIED THEM ALL - SEVERE REACTIONS, NO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS NOW.
Mid-Life Crisis involved?--PREVIOUS: NO. CURRENT: NO.
Alcoholism involved?--NO.
Has there been STD as a result of affair?--PREVIOUS: YES, WIFE CAUGHT SOME SH*T AND BLAMED IT ON ME. I WAS CLEAN.
Abuse?PREVIOUS: LOADS OF EMOTIONAL AND VERBAL ABUSE ON HER PART. I REALIZED I WAS VICTIM AFTER OUR DIVORCE.
Suicide attempted?--PREVIOUS: A WEAK 'ATTENTION-GETTER' ON HER PART; IT WAS FAKE.
Lesbian/Gay issues?--NO.
Anything Else…it's completely up to you… "AFTER COMPLETING DIVORCE RECOVERY ON MY OWN, I MET A WONDERFUL CHRISTIAN LADY
WHO SHOWED ME WHAT TRUE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE AND 'DOING FOR YOUR MATE' REALLY IS ALL ABOUT. I WAS STUPID AND TRIED TO 'HELP' AN
OLD FRIEND 2 YEARS AGO AND IT TURNED INTO AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. I NEVER SAW THIS PERSON AFTER WE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL; HOWEVER, WE
MET AGAIN ONLINE THRU A WEBSITE FOR CLASSMATES. I REALIZED HOW INCREDIBLY STUPID AND SELFISH I HAD BEEN, WE GOT INTO GOOD SOLID
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELING RIGHT AWAY AFTER MY EA WAS DISCOVERED, AND WE RECOVERED NICELY. I NOW 'GUARD MY HEART' ON A DAILY BAISIS.
Harold T (PS - Look for me mostly in Divorcing/Divorced Boards, in 'The Kingdom Of Caerlon')
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Harold T <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

^^ bump for a long weekend ^^

*Female
*26 years old - Husband is 24 years old
*H hasn't admitted an A but started seeing co-
worker soon after he left me.
*We've been married 5 years.
*We've known each other since were were 8 & 10
years old.
*No actual D-Day.
*A has ended several times but don't know the
current status. Supposively it ended again 3
weeks ago but don't know if they're back.
*I believe it was an EA before he left me but
definitely know it turned into a PA after.
*No previous A's.
*Currently in Plan A but don't have much contact
with him.
*H is currently living with his Mother.
*OW is a single-mother living with parents.
*OW is a co-worker.
*H mentioned Divorce 3 times in the first 2
weeks but has not said anything else about it.
*Following principles of MB and reading a book
from Restore Ministries (How God Can and Will
Restore Your Marriage)
*I've been on MB for a little over a month.
*No Children.
*No Counseling.
*I'm currently living with Parents but plan on
getting an apartment soon.
**Waiting patiently for the day my H wants to
come back and work things out. Praying to GOD
every day for this Marriage!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Female
I am 31, WS is 32
I am BS
Married 8 years
Knew spouse 1 year before marriage
Discovery Day: 07/29/03
Affair began second week of July 2003
Emotional Affair, Maybe Physical Affair
First and Only Affair
Currently in: Plan B since 08/08/2003
Living separate since 08/06/03
OW is married, and has requested a divorce from her spouse
OW is an actress my WS met on a script read-thru
Divorce has been requested by WS
Following principles of: MB
Member of Marriage Builders forums since 12/1999
No one in our mess has children
In therapy with individual counselor since 4/2003
Mid-Life Crisis involved? Maybe
Alcoholism involved? No
Has there been STD as a result of affair? Unknown
Abuse? No
Suicide attempted? Unknown
Lesbian/Gay issues? No

<small>[ September 13, 2003, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: *LULU* ]</small>

Female
42, WS 40
BS
married 3 years
together for 5 years
started suspecting 1 1/2 months ago
A has been going on for 2 months
EA & PA
1 A that I know of
Plan A, but WS will be deciding on NC this week.
I've been trying to do Plan A since before he told me it was a PA, about 1 month.
Living together
OP is co-worker
Divorce has not really been discussed, except in passing.
Trying to follow MB
Found forum 1 1/2 months ago. Started posting about three weeks ago.
We have a 13-month-old daughter
We are in MC, I'm in IC, and I'm trying to get WS to call his therapist again.
No medications
Might be a mid-life crisis. WS turned 40 last weekend.
No alcoholism
Haven't broached the subject of STDs yet
No abuse or other issues.
We will be attending Retrouvaille this weekend.

Female
me 29 DH 34
WS
11 years married
years have known spouse before marriage- 7 months
## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery - 3 years
## months total length of the affair - 4 months
Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown - EA
## of Affairs (approximate)1
Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months Already done MC for 6 months after reconciliation 2.5 years ago
Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements Living Together
OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single OP was/is married
OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other OP was frm Internet
Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago) Nope
>Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet None
## months on the Marriage Builders forums just started

Very personal… Very optional…
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)


## children of the marriage (ages) 3 dc: ds 7 ds:5 and dd 21 months
Who has physical custody? We both do-stil together
Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)? no
In counseling? with Harley's/with Other…and…Alone/with Spouse -- did counselling together and seperate
On medication/anti-depressants?… What kind? no
Mid-Life Crisis involved?no
Alcoholism involved?no
Has there been STD as a result of affair? no
Abuse?no
Suicide attempted?no
Lesbian/Gay issues?no


Christina

Female
Me 43 H 45
Me BS H WS

Married for 19 years but together 26 years

D-day Jul 21st 03
A lasted 1 year but H says less than that. They met in a pub Jul 03 and then just 'bumped' into each other whenever they were out for a drink until May 03. Then they met weekly for sex.

While A with OW, H began a texting A with another W which went on for 2 months. Dec 02 - Jan 03. Only stopped going further because S found messages on H mobile and contact stopped.

Recovery began 6 weeks after d-day when I asked H to move back home from his mothers. Recovery has been a roller coaster to say the least. I pray the ride will become less bumpy!

OW is 31 and single. Lives alone.
H ended A 5 days after d-day when he told OW about being married. Had told her we had seperated Nov 02.
One contact from OW to H a week ago. She wanted to meet up with H to talk and finish A properly. H admits to being tempted but then OW changed her mind and decided it was a bad idea. Major backwards step for me. This time she KNEW H was married.

Thought about DV initially but then realised how much I loved H and that I played a part in the marriage breakdown which led to H having A.

Just started MC. H reluctantly. Been on MB since shortly after d-day and find it so helpful. trying to get H to read posts which he has occasionally, and finds helpful. Feels good for me to know others are going through same thing and makes me realise it is possible to recover. Some posts from others could have been written by me! Also brought (shipped from USA) Torn Asunder and the work book which I'm finding very useful.


Children D18, S16, D15, S13, S9. All knew of A except youngest. Told him we weren't happy together at that time.
H has had vasectomy thankfully but both H and OW insist protection was used.
Took beta blockers initially but only St Johns Wort now.
H says he had Mid-Life Crisis.

Both of us want marriage to work and know we have to make big changes and efforts for things to be better than before A. Hpefully this should prevent anything like this ever happening again.

bump <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

me 54, W 47
19 years married
D Day 1 June '98
D Day 2 Dec 19 '03
9 year affair
Separate 3 months, w/out OP
OP married
OP co-worker
1 son, 11 years
In MC, PC and Retrouvaille
On anti-D one month
No Alcoholism
No STD
No Abuse

I am BW, 29. WH is 32. We have been M for 5yrs.

We were separated from 11/03 to 4/04, WH had both EA&PA from 11/03 to end of 1/04. D-day was days after A ended (which was 2 wks after H asked for divorce). I surprised myself and H both by being willing to work on M. We are reconciled, in recovery, and have been living together again since 4/04. We are currently in MC, though it will end soon.

OW was a 19yo stripper. The A ended because she started sleeping with WH's friends.

Along with confessing A, H confessed life-long sex addiction, including porn addiction and voyeurism.

We have 3 DSs - 2, 3 1/2, 5 yo. I am a SAHM. I have 2 SSs - 9 & 10 yo (we are non-custodial).

I have been on anti-depressants for 3 yrs.

No suicide attempts, though I've certainly felt like it.

I haven't done a formal introduction of myself at all. I am a long-time poster, turned Penny-convert and student. I come here to offer help to the hurting, and hopefully get better at helping others.

Female
I'm 28, H 31 (tomorrow)
Betrayed: It was more of an association tending toward "NOT Just Friends"
8 years married
1.5 years have known spouse before marriage
.1 of Affairs (approximate)
Currently in: Recovery
OP is: single
OP is: co-worker
Has divorce been discussed: over a year ago?
Following principles of: Penny R. Tupy
39 months on the Marriage Builders forums

3 children of the marriage (7, 5, 3)
On medication/anti-depressants?…Was What kind? Zoloft (St. John's Wort, prior)

Regina