I dont really know where or how to start,, so I will just start typing and see where it goes. If I ramble please forgive me. After almost 7 years of Marriage my worst nightmare has came up and smacked me in the face. The one woman I knew I could truly trust in this world confirmed my fears of the past month of her having an affair.<p>I tried to give her time away from the Baby, encouraged her to go out and have fun, hmm maybe I should have specified... and NEVER questioned what she did or where she went,, THIS is the trust I had in her... Now I feel like an [censored].<p>I can sit here and Rant/Rave, and say I dont know Y,, but thats not true,, I know exactly Y and have known for quite sometime. But like the world after Hitler,, it doesnt hit home til U see the bodies.<p>We have a good life,, nice material goods, Beautiful Baby Boy. I have tried hard to give her all she wants and needs. But as we talked last night I realized I Iced the cake,,, got the Candles,, the pary favors and forgot to bake the Damn thing. We had a Planet,, but no warm Core to keep the life above sustained... analogies make sense???<p>She is a very beautiful woman inside and out and I cant hate her, Hell I cant even Hate Joe Schmucatelly,,, (not his real name). I sit here and try to look in hindsite of all the small crap I could have done to prevent this... but then I know it wont do me any good.<p>I dont want to lose her or break up our family. I am HOPING I can put aside my Hurt, anger and even my Pride. I am trying not to make this about HER or I,, and more about US. I hope I am Strong enough,, and dare I say Man enough to overcome this crap. I refuse to even say anything to my Best Friends because I dont want them to look at her with anything but kind eyes.<p>My concerns are in letting her know I care,, and that YES the Act, Deed and Responsibility of her actions are hers... but that this is the kind of thing that makes or breaks a Marriage,,, not a Life. What doesnt kill us only makes us stronger,, scarred maybe,, but scars heal,, and Chicks dig Scars,, or so I heard.<p>I am tired and I hope I can do this,,, I am not going to blow smoke up ur skirt,, I have moments of Hatred and sadness... I dont know where to turn or who to trust and talk to,, so what better place than with strangers...

I know what you are feeling. I did the same thing with my wife - hired a baby sitter for a few hours in the afternoon 3 days a week, and she used that time to have an affair. Actually, it was supposedly over 5 months ago, but I just found out on Friday that she is still seeing him. <p>Here are some things that I have learned in the last few months:<p>- Find a counselor. It is *really* important to have a neutral 3rd party.<p>- Get used to the idea that you will have to accept a certain amount of responsibility for allowing your relationship to get to the point where an affair was possible.<p>- Realize that she may be in love with the OM, and will still want, on some level, to keep seeing him. Do what you have to to make sure that doesn't happen. Realize that she may very well grieve over the loss of the relationship. That *sucks*, but it is reality. I think one of the problems with my wife is that she didn't feel like she could express sadness that OM was gone, so she went back to him. Make sense?<p>- Weather the storm. Your emotions will take you on a wild ride, but they will subside. This is no time for making any kind of decisions - except to decide not make any permanent decisions for the next year or two. The most important thing that I learned to hold on to in the worst of times is that I will feel better tomorrow - or maybe the next day.<p>This is the worst, I know. I've lost people that were very close to me to cancer, but this seems worse, because she chose to do this to me. But I value my commitment, I value our family (17 years married, 3 kids), and strangely enough, I still value her. So I will continue to fight for her. I'm praying for you right now... Hang in there.

dedubu,
Welcome to MB!! I understand your pain and feelings of betraial. You are in a good place here to learn, vent, cry and heal. You are not alone. I too am a bs (betrayed spouse) so I truly know what you are feeling. It has been nearly 2 years since d-day (discovery day)for me and I must say that my marriage now is better than it ever was before so don't get discoraged, there is hope.
The best thing you can do right now is start reading and learning how to recover and rebuild your marriage. Go to the top of this page and read "Concepts" if you havn't allready. This is a good place to start. I also recomend you click on the bookstore and order "surviving an affair".
You need to begin with what is called "Plan A"
You will learn more about the how too's when you read "concepts".
Hang in there my friend you will be okey. <p>SH

sounds like we are all in the same boat.<p>I just keep telling myself I will be better because of this. I know I will someday.

Thank You all,<p>especially for the Acronym help. I do truly Love her for who and what she is.,, I can say that she has been honest since DD and the Oxymoronish thing about this is I feel like I can and want to get to know her again. <p>She mentioned I shouldnt have put her on a pedastool,, and now I can see what she meant,, but there is so much good in her and us,, I cant bring myself to throw it away.<p>I have another few questions,, but I will open a new topic,, I am not sure if thats is within Protocol or not,,, such a Virgin!!!