My wife of 7 years found out about my affair yesterday. I'm 33, she's 30 and we have two beautiful girls. <p>I honestly thought I would never be the one to be unfaithful, but here I am. (I'm still trying to understand it.) Obviously, there are no excuses for what I have done, but here's my story:<p>I have been living apart from my family for 4 months, my wife is Japanese and we moved to Japan after I was laid off last year. We both agreed that the easiest place to find work for an American who speaks little Japanese would be in Tokyo so that's where I am. She's in Nagasaki a few hundred miles away. She didn't want the kids to live in a big city so we agreed that I would work in Tokyo while looking for work closer to her family's home in Nagasaki.<p>I was doing fine living alone until two months ago when I decided I was sick of feeling alone. That should have been the moment when I packed up and moved to Nagasaki to see what work I could find, but I didn't. Instead, I began reading the local personal ads and posting a few ads. When that didn't bear fruit I decided to sign up with a local dating service(god what a b#st#rd I am!). After a few introductions I found the OW, she is 13 years older but age didn't matter to me, I was looking for love in all the wrong places.<p>She agreed to exchange emails and we quickly became quite fond of each other. I was untruthful from the very beginning(she is NOT in any way to blame). I lied and told her I was single. <p>While the age difference was awkward for both of us, I have to admit that I was rather excited about being involved with an "older woman." I found her extremely attractive and sensuous, something I had never experienced before with any woman. I don't know if I truly fell in love with her, but I certainly had strong, "honest" feelings for her. I can honestly say I came to have feelings for her. Needless to say one thing led to another and we eventually became intimate. By this point in the affair I was willing to say and do anything to be with her. We talked about a future together, planned to take a trip together, etc. All the while I grew more and more ashamed of the lies I was telling, the lie I was living, but I was completely selfish and wasn't thinking of the consequences of my actions. I just took and took and took...<p>A more despicable human being than me you will not likely meet. I spent night after night in another woman's arms, totally disregarding the evil of my actions. I grew careless, even wanton in taking my wife and the OW for granted. Well, evil reaps its just rewards and when I came home from the OW's apartment yesterday my wife was there to "greet" me.<p>I can't say I was surprised, or even disappointed about getting caught in my web of lies. There was a scene, my wife demanding the truth, threats of divorce and taking the children, and my weak attempts to lie my way out of it. When confronted with the truth I could only spill my guts and tell her everything...<p>I agreed to never see the OW again and begged her not to divorce me. I couldn't bear the loss of everything that's important in my life.(Why couldn't I see this before I started all of this!?) She went back to Nagasaki and I promised to break off my relationship with the OW and never see her again.<p>Now, it's the next day. Everyone in both families now knows of my betrayal. My head is swimming with guilt, regret, and sorrow, and I just want to crawl away into a hole and die. My heart is heavy with guilt and shame and I cannot see where there is any light ahead. I am committed to saving my marriage and am flying home to Nagasaki as soon as I can. She gave me no guarantee that my moving home will help save our marriage but I am going to try my DAMNDEST to make up for my betrayal. I deserve whatever happens, I know it. <p>My heart goes out to all the OW women out there who didn't know they were the "OW" and found out. Regrettably, many of them will feel that they were "so stupid," etc. And all I can say is, NO, you have nothing to feel bad about! Please don't let another's selfishness and stupidity make you doubt yourself! Don't close your heart to the next good man who comes along. Please, please do not blame yourself if you didn't know you were being lied to. <p>I am so sorry for what I have done, to my wife, to my family, to the OW(who was totally innocent in this case). I take full responsibility for my actions, offer no excuses, and expect no sympathy or forgiveness. I can only try to make things right, and I vow to do so!!!<p>MLG4035
