I'm wondering if we have a love account for ourselves. Can we deposit and withdraw love units for ourselves by our actions, appearance and health?<P>Can others add to our own personal accounts through praise and appreciation.<P>If for some reason our own personal account drops is that what causes lack of confidence or in other words, disliking or hating ourselves?<P>If our level drops too low does it trigger depression?<P>If it drops even lower can it eventually lead to self-destruction?

Why not, sound reasonable to me. We are told to love ourselves. If we feel goo about our selves we make deposits and if we don't we make withdrawals I think it would be very realistic to have a love bank for ourselves.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

How do I raise my balance and how do I stop others from lowering it?<P>I find that I hate myself. Especially when my depression gets bad. I have had a really bad round the past few days which is very disappointing since I have started on antidepressants.<P>Sometimes it is hard to tell when I'm making withdrawals or if my H is. I have been told by so many that I am doing most of the damage so I need to start blieving that. I do know that I have rejected any deposits his actions might have been able to add to my love account for myself. I just assume it will either bounce or be fraudulent.<P>My counseler keeps telling me I need to build myself up and not to rely on my H to do this for me. She keeps telling me that I need to ignore his insults and belittling. I need to understand why he does this to me. That is so hard. If the same rules apply for my account as to other people's account, I am very overdrawn and don't even care enough about myself to try. I haven't been meeting my own needs. I have convinced myself that I am not deserving of meeting my own needs and want my H to do it for me. He can't do this because these particular needs must be met by me.<P>This just sounds like such a selfish concept. I have to love myself before I can accept love from someone else, but I have been taught all my life to put the Lord and my H before myself. I haven't always been successful, mind you.<P>I guess I haven't achieved this because if I truly had, then my H wouldn't lose points with me when he didn't reciprocate or show approval and appreciation. These are things I need not him. It is as if I have to acheive what I have always perceived as selfishness in order to achieve selflessness.<P>Something that keeps coming to mind is that I can't separate his account from mine. I have allowed my existance to become so entagled in him as my H and protector. It may not be necessarily that my account is overdrawn, I just haven't allowed myself to open one.<P>I'm very confused by it all. <P>Just rambling.<P>

Hey EB,<P>Yep, our own account is know as our self esteem. How do you raise your balance? Do things that you like and enjoy. Take a college class. Go roller blading and after you get out of the hospital treat yourself to a massage or a hot tub. Just don't get the cast wet!<P>Right now I am very happy with myself. When I first found out about the affair though I felt like my life was in the crapper. There is not a whole lot I can do presently to lure Val out of Fantasyland other than make mondo deposits to her love account. I refuse to sit here and wallow in self pity. I'm too good for that. I'll let my secretary do that! <P>Go out and do something wonderful for Essy!<BR> <P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

I feel so guilty when I do something for myself.<P>Does my H have any obligation to help me with this?

Essyboo,<BR>When I was at my lowest, filled with anger, self-pity, sadness, remorse, a good friend of mine kept telling me to, "be kind to yourself, be good to yourself."<BR>That's great advice. Sometimes, you are the only one who can take the responsibiliity to meet your own needs. So please do some things that make you really happy and make you feel really good about yourself.<BR>I found out the hard way that if you depend on someone else to make you happy, you're most likely going to be disappointed at some point.<BR>Let us know what you are doing to "be kind to yourself", ok?<BR>Pilgrim