<BR>I'm in Plan A. I have posted in several weeks because things were going so great (or so I thought). This weekend my H went out of town on business (he's a truck driver). On a hunch I went to the yard where he parks his truck and there was the OW's car. I know it was her car because I know her license plate #. I called his cell phone and let loose on him. He denies everything. Says she wasn't with him and that he has no idea why her car was parked there. My instinct was to go sit by the car and catch them together, but I didn't do that. I wish I had because now with him denying everything I'm stuck. I had told him that he had to end this affair and I thought that he had. He told me that he had ended it. I told him that I would not tolerate him seeing her. Of course now I'm in a dilemma. It's obvious that he was with her but without me seeing them together I have no proof. I would lose in a court of law. If I had seen them together and he knew it and could not deny this, I would have to ask him to leave, even though this is not what I really want.<BR>But, if I just accept what has happened he's going to think that he can just continue this behavior and he can't. I'm thinking that I should maybe just bide my time.......continue to check on him.....maybe set up some situations where I will be out of the house for several hours and see if he goes to see her. I need help.........please respond with your advice/opinions!

A few people here will probably disagree with me, but here goes. You go park yourself close enough to her car to see who gets into it. If it turns out there is nothing going on then good, if not you'll atleast know. I found it much harder to be in the dark and to feel like I was being abused. It's easier when you know you're not being decieved. If you see them together at the lot, drive by them, honk the horn and go home. Let's see him deny that one. I know this is hard, but it does get easier. I couldn't stand by why my W was with the OM, so i let her know I knew and I made sure they knew I knew.

Hi Stella,<BR>First of all, CALM DOWN. You have to remain level-headed, & as hard as it's going to be, you have to stay out of the reactive mode. Before you do anything, remember that you are in a highly volatile situation, & probably not thinking clearly. Step back, take a deep breath and THINK about the possible consequences before doing anything. Don't just react as you'll probably be just backing yourself into a corner, as you've already mentioned. <P>You said that he agreed to end it? Did he write the letter to her saying so, & did you have the chance to read it before he sent it?<BR>If not, then that's something he has to do right away. If he has done this, then perhaps he has had a setback. Remember, he is probably in withdrawal, & very prone to setbacks. <P>I don't think your continuing to check up on him is the answer. What will that really accomplish? It will just drive you more crazy, & he'll feel like you don't trust him. Which you don't. You're going to have to TELL him how insecure you feel, and also tell him what he can do (in actions) to help reassure you.<P>I'm not that up on your particular situation. But, if you haven't already, read, read, read. And, get some counseling if you haven't already.<P> <BR>

Thanks for the responses. I am trying not to react. My gut instinct is to go to her place tonight and ask her what's going on. But in my heart I know that this doesn't really accomplish anything, because she would probably just lie about it. What do you guys think?? Should I call her and ask her.....I have been reading everything I can get my hands on.....I know that he may be prone to setbacks. And there have been things happen at home that might lead him to call her. For example, our cherished pet passed away and my H was involved in a serious car accident. After the car accident I was very concerned about her contacting him. You know any excuse she can get I'm sure she would use and that would be perfect (you know, were you injured??? and all that crap). As it stands right now I want to go see her and talk to her. Partly it is an effort to get the truth, partly because I'm curious because I've never, ever seen her and partly to let her see me.....because to tell you the truth I've never looked better. I'm thinking also that it might be good to rattle her cage a little. What do you think?

No, no, no! As tempting as it is, don't do it. It will accomplish nothing. Take the high road. Don't give her the satisfaction of stooping to her level.

Stella<BR>I know what you are feeling. one thing you have to know for sure is that this woman is the last person on earth that is going to tell you a truth. Whatever she might tell you will be what she thinks will do her the most good. Do not ever listen to a word that comes out of her mouth.<BR>My advice is to keep your eyes open, and don't jump to conclusions. Try to get through to your H that the most hurtful thing he can do is lie. That is a tough concept for many but it is important.

Stella, the likelihood of getting the "truth" from the OW is not very good. If you go through with it, be prepared to have your world blown away. "He doesn't/never loved you.", "We're soulmates", "He says I'm the best he's ever had", "He's not attracted to you anymore", "He feels sorry for you."<P>Maybe she won't be heinous or "rattle YOUR cage", but at least if she is, you'll be prepared. She's not your friend, she's not your buddy, she doesn't give a rip about you or your marriage, if she did she wouldn't be doing your H.<P>I also wouldn't go alone, as there are people here who have been arrested for harrassment, doing what you intend to do.<P>She also will probably contact your H and they'll have a nice long conversation about YOU, even if they haven't been together, now they have an "excuse".<P>Yes, I called the OW and she and my H talked about my call. Ick. She was so nice and so sincere...and lied about every single thing she said to me. She even told me she doesn't date married men. <P>She just "did" my H for 18 months--I guess they didn't date....Ick again.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>