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i have prepared a list of questions for my wife. She will have had a couple of days to have thought over her frame of mind and ideas for the future. D-day was yesterday.
1. What would you like to see happen concerning our marriage?<p>2. How can we make thqt happen?<p>3. Who was om?<p>4. How did it start?<p>5. How often?<p>6. have you been tested for std's? will you?<p>7. in our bed?<p>8. How will you avoid contact, i assume it was someone from work?<p>9. Will you be able to forgive yourself?<p>10. Have you been praying?<p>Have i left anyting out? what should i respond with when she asks why i need to know all of this. what else should i expect from her?

hi there<p>my d-day was 3 weeks ago and I understand how you must feel right now: screwed up, angry, devastated, hurt, revengeful, ashamed, remoreful, sleepless, tired, can't eat.... did I leave anything out?<p>anyway - main point is that given your feelings you have to be aware that your mind doesn't function in normal mode. therefore: avoid any hip shot reactions, but try to get into a more normal state before.<p>first, get a few answers clear in your head: talks with W might be better in this circumstance than letters? do you find it difficult to verbally communicate with W? did you move out? did W ask you to come back? if yes, did you ask her why? did you contemplate seeking professional help? what did W find in lover which she didn't find in you? <p>you sound like a pretty rational type of guy (like myself). use your brains to structure & understand the problem. as most of us macho alpha males, get to grips with how emotions work. the pages on this website were a great help to me. hell, before my wife's A I didn't even know how to spell EMOTIONAL NEEDS.<p>Comment aside - during pregnancy hospitals offer all these fancy courses about breathing, massaging etc etc, but no one actually tells you about the real issues which (at least in my case) proved to be key: how to cope as a man with the fact that suddenly you're dropping from #1 down to #3 in the family's place? how to cope with something like 12 months without sex? how to cope with suddenly needing to fulfill additional needs of wife (and kid)? sorry, I disgressed.<p>good luck & keep us up to speed

Nick - thanks for the response -- i am trying not to have any knee jerk reactions.

There are some good articles on dear peggy.com as well that deal specifically with your situation. I wrote a letter to my WH & had both of us read it at the same time and the idea was to discuss it. (that came from Dear Peggy)<p>I don't know your situation but be prepared if she doesn't tell the truth or want to answer the questions.<p>Hopefully you have read surving an affair?<p>It's not an easy situation to be in, sorry that you have to go through this.

how are you doing today?

Today I woke up and felt the same. It was approx 4AM. First thought - why? - 2nd thought - will she ever tell me the truth? - I plan to see a doctor today. Depression and referral to counseling so insurance will asssist with costs. I have a clearer veiw of what I am facing - but so damn frustrated. I feel that I anm not being given an opportunity to start meeting my wifes needs. But I am a little more at peace with myself. I have accepted that she is involved in a PA, and I feel I have little control. <p>By the way, Nick, thanks for asking. That means a lot.

I posted this yesterday on another forumn<p>A quick recap of my story. FROM LAST THURSDAY.... test kit came today (to see if wife had been unfaithful) she had.. I yelled and screamed and cried when the test showed purple. by the time my wife got home i was calm.. I got out some of her best wine. I usually drink beer or rum. so my action was largly symbolic of her preference. there was enough left when she got home for one glass for her and one for me. i told her to sit down, " the trust is gone, bought the test kit and used it today. I tested the thong and the pants from v secret. you know what the reslts were." she satin silence for minutes. I told her "I know i have not done the job meeting your needs." i let her know that even though i had said years ago if she were unfaithful i would leave her i was not of that opinion today.
Saturday we got together and discused things... She said that she had not had sex with anyone. She claimed that the test kit I got was a ripoff. The product is called "checkmate" we talked alot about my deficiencies. I tried to listen. She asked me for my definition of love and gave hers. She eft me doubting the checkmate product and yet still doubting her. I am just dumbfounded.<p>She claims the product is a HOAX