Heenie,<p>Yes, it seems absurd that we, the Betrayed Spouses, suddenly find ourselves with the burden of "helping" our Betrayers with their problems and try to fix them up, while we are in shock, dismay, anger, depression, and all kinds of hurt ourselves from the D-Day. It drove me nuts that I was supposed to be so considerate of my W's feelings and sensitive to HER NEEDS! WHAT?! Are you kidding! Right now I want to rip her a good one! But alas, this isn't productive and I refrain. I feel sad that you are pregnant at the same time that you are dealing with this. It has to affect the baby. I agree with ALR1224 that you must really concentrate on yourself during this last critical phase of your pregnancy. If your husband suffers from chronic depression, he is possibly going to need both medical and psychological treatments. But, he must be willing to get these treatments. He has to want to fix this problem. You cannot be his doctor or his counselor for his depression. The A has its own set of issues that you two can deal with together, and you can help him with his depression too by being supportive, caring, and loving. But again, be careful that you don't find yourself consumed with the daunting task of fixing him up. I hate to even say this, and it is conjecture on my part, but sometimes the BS will act as though the are the wounded sparrow or lost puppy that needs YOUR sympathy and love and understanding. This helps them partly excuse their bad behavior (the A) and it diverts your attention off the A as well. They win on both counts. My W was doing the same thing. I've heard everything from depression, to boredom, to age 40's crisis, to low self-esteem, to marriage woes, and just plain craziness, for why she did what she did (2 PA's), but none of it makes me feel any better for the choices that she made. If you stay, you must stay because you love your H enough to work through this and try to heal. Don't stay just because you are worried about what he will do with himself should you go away. Depending on how depressed he is, he may actually tell you he is considering suicide when you threaten to end the M. But again, this is all conjecture. You will have to sort out your feelings about him and your marriage to see if you are going to perservere and make the M work.<p>As much as you can, pray, it works.
Keep posting here, that helps a lot too.
Good luck to you!
