first post after trying to soak up site for several weeks which has been very informative and helpfull. as you can tell first post. not a pro. basic synops. married five years split up once at 2 year mark for several months. got back together although never talked or dealt with original problem. now two years later she has left and i am admitting to not being emotional or making her happy. trying to change why i was withdrawn from my love. she bought place and once she moved in completely shut down talking to me. Ive forced several meetings which have gone of awkwardly. trying to build some deposits in love bank by not bringing up current situations although due to limited interactions its hard. decided to take initiative and go to counselor hoping she would join. well then found out she is seeing someone. did not really respond for week then stated that this situation is very hard as it is and too hard if she doesnt stop seeing other person. she states she wants to see him and may still. so i state then do you want it to end. she states no! totally confused! she states she understands that the two are incompatable but she doesnt know. she wants me to continue and her who knows. Ive not been that good a husband and tell her that im trying to change. Its just that she is having fun going to clubs etc with him and enjoying life and then theres the nightmare whenever Im around. Want to work on marriage but dont know what to do<p>[ April 29, 2002: Message edited by: sfoster ]</p>

Welcome sfoster...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>You can't force your spouse to see haow good your doing in Plan A...
...they will have to see it... realize it... and accept it on their own.<p>That doesn't mean don't do it...
...it is for you!<p>Stick with the Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)... for more details.<p>My prayers for you and your W.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

Thank you, Im still going through site for information. I stated it wasnt a ultimatum. But we are seperated now and im afraid of losing contanct then her losing any sense of the good things we can have or of any love for me since she wont be dealing with me. but also i know nothing constructive can happen while she is seeing him.