i am new here, so i don't know if this is the right board, but i just found out that my husband of five years was with an ex-girlfriend last week.
my husband has always loved me so much that he never even thinks about other women, but for the last year, because i have been pregnant with our first child, we have not been sexually intimate.
he has broken off contact with the "other" woman, but i am so scared and anxious. they had been in touch for about a year (emails, etc.), and the only meeting thay have had was the one he told me about . . . . and she gave him oral sex and that was all.<p>what to do????

dear cliquotgirl- wlcome to marriage builders- i am so sorry for the situation you are in.<p>first off breathe, breathe, breathe. you have just found out some very devastating news. we have all been there. you need to start reading and learning as much as you can. start with all info on this site-then get Surviving an Affair by the harley's. that book saved my life. find the links or postings for newcomers- i will get them to the top for you and start reading.<p>you will be going through some very emotional things- come here and talk and vent we will all be here.

What he did is still adultery. And it means that you need to figure out what's missing in him or your marriage for him to go elsewhere. It is probably more than just sex. <p>I would strongly recommend counseling. It's almost impossible to recover without it. I know how painful it is, I've been there. My H had an affair with my former best friend. It was 6 years ago but they both lied and I just found out. It's been devastating.<p>The fact that he was also emailing her means that they may have had more of an emotional bond. That's harder to break. If he wants to work on the marriage and will end ALL contact with her, you can make it. Don't brush this off as 'only' oral sex. It's a betrayal of immense proportions.<p>Good luck. I hope you can go to counseling and work things out. I really like the book Torn Asunder the the article 'Shattered Vows' at findarticles.com

i bumped up three very good posts for you to read-two by onegoing and one by wat's. start reading them. i will check back with you later.

I agree with everyone else here. My husband had an emotional affair and kissing was the only physical contact they had. This happened during my pregnancy with my daughter. When I asked why he felt the need to go out and be with someone else during our most important time...He said cause I behaved like a B****. Mind you that I was sick, in pain, and going through all the blessings of carrying a child. He came home one day and told me, but I already knew everything. I knew they worked together, they met over our friends houses, and that he spent money on her when we needed things at home first. My entire pregnancy he wasn't here. He would get off work at 6 p.m. and come home 3 a.m. five times a week and not be here on his days off. I didn't go off the deep end. Instead I asked God to give me patience to endure and that if I were to stay married that I get pass these ambivilant feelings. My husband also said it was because I was sick and didn't feel well that he felt neglected. I also worked up until delivery of my daughter as an auto mechanic just to keep money in case everything went wrong. He didn't give me any credit what so ever on bringing a healthy child into this world. Now everything is better than before and I thank the ow for making my marriage full of desire and I thank God for letting my husband see that everything he needed was at home waiting for him. They still work together and she is terrified of me, but now he is accountable for his time. Now I trust him again and ow realizes that devotion couldn't be achieved. God Bless! I pray your marriage works out well.