<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Redhat - update? Anything new? ( sorry Forgiver, hope you don't mind me asking )</strong><hr></blockquote>
Nothing new on me ... I am still in pseudo plan B, W is plan B'ng me. I stop showing my changes to her, I have stoped plan A'ng for her but I am continue plan A'ng for myself. She still rejects me, it hurts but it doesn't bothers me no more. Last episode was W moved her stuff out (some of it belong to family such as my 2 D pictures & video collections), she didn't even bother to fyi me !!!. My 2 D told me and when I got back home I found my clothes on boxes. This is 16.5 years of M. She didn't tell me her new address and phone. I won't ask but my lawyer told me to ask where my 2 D will stay during over night visitations & phone# to reach if she want to start her overnight visitations.<p>W rented condo a few blocks from where I was going to move. I canceled mine !, I explained it to her that I need to move on and I will not want to live anywhere near her. 2 D & I discussed the matter and agreed that we will stay put until the Dv is finalized ( around September ). There is a new mall opened a few blocks from where we lived and 16 screens theater [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . We are going to move after summer.<p>I am waiting for court order that her lawyer prepared to be reviewed by my lawyer & sign by the judge (result from my first hearing). They are arguing about % of CC ... I think they will settle with 36.9% ... complicated since the judge miss-calculated as 60-40. It should be around 69-31 but when the summer 50-50 is included it become 36.9%. My lawyer is very detail and deligent.<p>I will prepared to settle financial matter asap, I can't cough up money that I don't have ... I have to run up my credit card just to cover W moving expenses and W's legal expenses. That is what OM & W want $$$ to burn. I want to protect my self financially and have it settle way before our Dv is finalized. I will be nowhere to be found when their fantasy is burst.<p>Anyway, what bring your curiosity out ?. I usually hide my situations here and there burried under other people's post. I was afraid that WW and OM reading it, WW know this site and know that I post a lot. Now I am not afraid no more, reading my post probably will kill them more than will upset me. You don't have your profile and new MB'er but you have a lot of knowledge in MB. Glad that you could lend your hand around. I want to help all posters but I know my limit ... my Lord will hook me up somehow and HE will use me accordingly. -RH-

Hi RH, <p>I confess I have been a lurker for many months. I have followed your story and hurt for you and prayed for you. Wished you had a different ending. (but who knows? ) Wondered how you were doing. I have admired your advice. You know what you are talking about. You can express it in a way that people can relate to. <p>As for me. If you had asked most people, my marriage was a good one (heard that before? ) I had been taking a class on "Family Relations" at our church. (My wife taught a children's class at the same time so she couldn't be there ) <p>As I listened to the material and the discussions with other class members, I realized that I had many faults and was not the "good husband" that I thought I was. I started seeking more information, found MB and started reading. I got His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters and read them. <p>At first, my wife really didn't want to talk about it. She was kind of used to things the way they were. Not really separate lives, but not really close. We were close once and she didn't want to get hurt again. It has been about three months since that first talk. We are not where I want, but we are doing better. She will actually talk to me daily now. Really talk. <p>I took her to lunch today. One of the things she said was that she is still afraid to say some things for fear I will get angry. My biggest problem was Angry Outbursts and Disrespectful Judgments. She says I have been "clean" for over 2 months but it will take time. <p> For a long time, I never intended on posting. Then someone said they had prayed and got the answer to stay in the marriage. Her husband was mean and she couldn't understand the answer. I felt strongly I should answer that post. My wife has told me the same thing. She had prayed many times to know if it was time to leave. But always got the answer - to stay. And finally with Gods help I began to change. And she said she is glad she stayed. ( this only a few weeks ago, I cried for a long time when she told me). <p> God knows much more than we do. He never makes mistakes. When he gives answers, there is a reason. What a great blessing I have been given (meaning my marriage is still intact), If I can help others to understand and progress, I will - so I post where I get a strong feeling to do so. I have posted a few times since. I know MB principals work. I feel funny trying to help with my limited experience ( and I still have many improvements to make ) but if I get a strong feeling to say something, then I feel I should try to help. <p> I am 46, W is 44 - married 25 years in march. 8 children, youngest twins 8 years old, oldest 24. (only 4 left at home. ) I never posted a profile because we had no A and I felt kind of funny about no A, no D day etc. <p>So I wanted to see how you were. I feel like I kind of know you, even though I had never posted much. I had forgotten you were worried about ww reading your posts. <p>I still pray for you, and believe God will take care of you ( but he usually just points us where we need to go, and lets us grow by doing the work. ) <p>Sorry this was so long. Good to meet you so to speak. Thanks for the update. Your attitude seems good, if you feel as good as you talk, you are OK. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
SS<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: still seeking ]</p>

Thanks for sharing ... some MB'er like Estes - her DIL is the one has A and blesses her heart she helps her son and helps many other here. I think J.L also has no A but seeking for fullfilling M. All we need to be is to have a genuine drive to help others in pain, to have empathy toward others. We should share our blessing so that other could save their M and lessen their pain. Hope also they could see our faith that carry us through our pain so that HIS name could be glorified. Every time I try to pray before I lurk, asking HIM to have the privilage be HIS helper, to use me here. I have been bless with gifts from HIM, I know HE has a plan for me. I beleive you should share yours with others too ... and I beleive HE has a plan for you too. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>... She had prayed many times to know if it was time to leave. But always got the answer - to stay. And finally with Gods help I began to change. And she said she is glad she stayed. ( this only a few weeks ago, I cried for a long time when she told me). </strong><hr></blockquote>
When you make HIM the center of your M as your W did, our Father only want the best for us. You have a faithfull wife and she didn't forget that HE made a promise that one spouse could save the other ... by HIS grace. As soon as I let HIM be the center of my life and whatever left in my M, I found peace. I become WS (SA) for a month or so not by coincident, I never enjoyed it, actually sicken by it ... no excuse, I was a mess. Now I know why, I have to walk both side to understand it, understand how to get out of it. HE prepared me to find out how low, the love of my life, W has become ... to be able to forgive if my W wants to reconcile.<p>Yes, I am stronger. I know HE will gave me a partner I still pray that it would be my W, but Thy will be done.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>God knows much more than we do. He never makes mistakes. When he gives answers, there is a reason. What a great blessing I have been given, If I can help others, I will - so I post where I get a strong feeling to do so. I have posted a few times since. I know MB principals work. I feel funny trying to help with my limited experience ( and I still have many improvements to make ) but if I get a strong feeling to say something, then I feel I should try to help.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Yeap, when I try to post on my own will, I never get the connection and usually I move on. Pray before you lurk and let HIM uses you. You will see what a privilage to be HIS helper, to see others gain strength to take control over the pain and to see others save their M.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I still pray for you, and believe God will take care of you ( but he usually just points us where we need to go, and lets us grow by doing the work. )</strong><hr></blockquote>
Thank you. I might be in denial at that point but I felt that HE will bring my WW back when the time come and my W & I will use this pain to help others and glorify HIS name. Now I am not worry about M anymore ... HE will provide me with a partner (my W or not) and HE will bless me with fullfiling M. All I have to do is learn to be irristable mate & protect His blessing [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I am fine and ready to move on w/ or w/o my W. Post more ... you never know how much you have help others ... just a reply mean a lot to others.<p>God Bless you and pray that you & your W could help others in the church too.<p>-RH-