hello,<p>It has been one month since my husband has moved back home and I need to know how I can tell when the withdrawal period is over. d-day12/22/01. He moved out immediately to live with his uncle and moved back 4/09/02. We have been married 4 years and have a 4 year old daughter. The two weeks were horrible, but the last two weeks have been peaceful and fun. The ow left a voicemail at his job, but he says he never called her back, but did have the urge to do so. He has not had anymore calls from her since. How do you know when you are in "recovery". We are reading SAA.

I would say it is time for him to write a "no contact" letter, show it to you, get your editing advice and approval, and send it together. <p>what do you think, board members?

Hi Nicole and Willy,<p>Oh, oh, I will play &#8220;board member.&#8221; Nicole, D-day for us was about three weeks before you. The next day the non-contact letter went out. It was followed by a withdrawal period of about two months &#8211; my wife really was depressed, mourning the loss of her lover. Jennifer said her withdrawal was actually pretty short. Probably due to the fact that the 2-1/2 year affair was really on-off for the prior six months or so. I could tell when wife started to come out of withdrawal. It was similar to seeing someone come out of depression.<p>If husband hasn&#8217;t done it, then a no-contact letter needs to be sent. Recovery? Well, you have SAA. There is a Recovery Agreement in the back. If the two of you are honestly committed to all parts of that agreement, then I would say you are working toward recovery. If there is just a commitment not to see OW, then you have ended the affair but not started the recovery process. Recovery entails a commitment to end the affair PLUS meet EN&#8217;s, no LB&#8217;ers, etc. Incorporate Rules of Care, Protection, Honesty and Time in your relationship. A true commitment from you both.<p>P

Well, it sounds like you are on your way to recovery. Part of recovery is rebuilding trust. Ask any betrayed spouse and they will tell you that the blind trust they once had is no more. What is your H doing to rebuild your trust in him? One step toward rebuilding trust would be for him to write a no contact letter to the OW, with your input. There is an example in SAA. You both also have to be totally honest and open about your activities. I ditto persistent's comments.

I would also recommend "Torn Assunder" It goes over a timeline for withdrawel.