About a week ago I found a letter my wife had writen on another message board.It was our life story but with a twist. She said that she had met someone at work and talked to him about our problems and it led to an affair that has been going on for about 2 months.When I found the letter I asked her about it and she denied it(expected)The next day she told me that it was her but that she didn't sleep with him she put that up there to get an reaction from other people. I want to belive her but I have problems doing so. I asked her to quite her job (even tho we cant afford for her to do so)then just yesterday i found( I was snooping) in her work bag witch never leaves the car a picture of him and some notes he wrote her. I asked her about them and she said that she was sorry that i found them and she should have thrown them away awhile ago. but i checked in there today and there still there.The problem is i really want to belive her but it's so hard with all the stuff i have found.She is willing to start councilling but i dont think that it will do any good if she has to see him everyday. She told the OM that i wanted her to quit and he said that she should'nt quit that he would transfer to another divison but that has'nt happened yet. PLEASE HELP!!!!! I'm scared because we have 4 children ranging in ages of 8years to 16 months. I dont think I can stand not to be with them everyday. Or not to be with her. Thanks for the help. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [LIST]

Jimmy,<p>Sorry to hear the bad news, but you can be sure there are many in your situation here, so you've come to a good place for help. It sounds like you are new to Marriage Builders, so I would recommend reading as much as you can from this site. You should also get the Book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley. It provides a plan on how to deal with the affair and restore the marriage. You probably want to get "His Needs Her Needs" also. I have both books and they are helping to see that there is a plan and hope.<p>Best wishes

The first thing that your wife has to understand is that she should not be talking to the OM . If she agreed to quit than she should quit to show that she is sincere about focusing on rebuilding the marriage. This should be an non-negotiable issue.

Hi Jimmy,
I'm new to MB myself. Today I received my copy of Surviving an Affair. I started reading it, and what I have read makes sense. I then plan to read the His Needs/Her Needs. For me, starting with Surviving and Affair seemed important. I have to agree with Want2fixit about the books. They have many to pick from.<p>Good Luck