I'm getting WAY ahead of myself here, but I spoke with my H early this morning and he expressed some desire for me!! It's been a long time! So, I've already come to terms with the fact that I need to see my doc, even though my H won't admit to anything. He's at least been having internet affair(s) and emotional affair(s), and his lack of interest in sex with me for the past year leads me to believe he's gone further. So let's say my doc gives me an A-OK, what about my H? Just because he may not have exposed me to anything before doesn't mean he couldn't have picked something up more recently.<P>How do you ask your spouse to have an STD checkup if they won't admit to cheating?? I'd jump at the chance to be the one to fulfill my H's sexual needs, so if I balk for any reason what if I don't get another chance?! I don't want to spoil a great opportunity. Somehow, I picture asking him to use a condom would really spoil the mood. And asking him to get a checkup when he says he doesn't want to work on our marriage anyway doesn't make much sense.<P>I suppose I should just not get involved sexually until he commits, but I don't want it to seem like punishment. Like I said, I want to be the one that he comes to for sex. Should I even volunteer that I'm getting checked?<P>BTW, my H expresses desire for me on occasion (this morning being the first in awhile), but he makes comments about it being wrong, and we "shouldn't do that." I say "why, we're married, remember?" I think one of the only times this past year that we had sex was Valentine's day. He seemed suprised and kinda' sad that it was so good. Very thoughful. It was REALLY good, so I'm confused? I actually started accusing him of being gay. Lovebusting, yes, but that was before MB.<P>Lizbeth

There is a lot of nasty stuff out there. All the literature says never have sex with anyone if you are not sure of their sexual history or STD status. If you must, use a condom. They are pretty much par for the course these days, so your H is being silly if he complains. Or maybe tell him your not on the pill right now so it's a must.

I found myself in somewhat the same position that you are in last November. I discovered my H had had an affair from Feb./Mar,? to July/Aug.? '98. Not too sure when it started or ended, as he has been reluctant to admit to anything. His behaviour started to turn around for the better in late August, and things were going semi-smoothly. I had experienced a great weight loss in the fall months, so after a visit with my Doctor, he recommended some different tests, to rule out anything serious. In November (my H was hunting at the time) I was scheduled for ultrasounds of various natures, and one of them was a liver ultrasound. I knew something was not right, when the test was repeated several times. After the test, I was told not to get dressed, as the Doctor might want to see me. Sure enough, after quite a wait, the Doctor came in, and started questioning me. The first thing that came into my mind was that I had cancer. He told me that was completely ruled out, but he would have to ask me some rather embarrassing questions, in order to find out the problem. Remember, I am in a tiny cubicle, with only a curtain separating myself, and five other patients. He started out by asking me if I consumed large quantities of alcohol daily. The answer was definately not. Then he moved onto my sexual practices, wanting to know whether I had been in involved in extra-marital affairs, etc. The bottom line was this. My liver was so enlarged, he was certain that I either had hepatitis B now, or had had it in the past, and the symptoms were flaring up, due to stress. When I told him of my suspicions about my H, he suggested that I get blood work done for hep B, and if that proved positive, then go on for an aids test. I have never been so humiliated in my life. While my H was away, I took the opportunity to learn anything and everything that I could about hep B, and when my H returned, I let him have it with both barrels. He got very defensive, and told me that he could never feel the same about me again, for having pointed the finger at him. Throughout all of this arguing, I found it very odd that not once did he ever ask me if I had had an affair, which had resulted in the disease. Anyway, back I went to the Doctor, and he said that he felt that I had probably been exposed many years ago, so not to worry about it now. Seeing that I had ruled out drinking, alcohol, I.V. drug use, I knew enough to know that whether I had been exposed in the past or recently, the only way that I could have been exposed would have been from sex. So, knowing that it was not me, it had to have come from my H. I had the blood tests done that day, and waited patiently for a week for the results, not speaking a work to my H the whole time. The results came back negative, and that was his opportunity to really jump on me. Oddly enough, H had never spoken about it since, but I can tell you that in the week that we were waiting for the results, he didn't do much sleeping, and did a lot of pacing. For your own protection and peace of mind, I would encourage you to discreetly go to you doctor, explain your situation, and get any tests that he recommends. I would advise not to say anything to your H until your results come in, and if they are all negative, you will have peace of mind. BTW, they never did find out what the problem was with me. They put it down to stress. Good Luck.<P>------------------<BR><P><BR>