Any changes? Are you still happy, and doing reasonably well?

SS

HI SS,
thanks for stopping by. I am not happy, haven't been for almost a year. I am numb. I try to detach, it's hard though. I do understand he can't stand me now, but I don't get how come he doesn't like the music, movies, food, wine, activities he enjoyed just a year ago. That's why I am stumped at plan A. It seems to me no matter what I do - it misses the target. I do not mean by that I expect huge reaction - I know I should not, but boy, I am out of ideas and approaches with activities, plans, events, dinner menus etc. Those "don't bother me, I don't want to, I'm not hungry, I'll manage, or plain silence" make me feel indadequate.
Plus he is ignoring my gently stated and - reasonable - I believe - requests (not demands).
Like telling me as soon as he knows about his business trips.
Yhat's why I have little to post about.
Maybe later.
Plus I do work full time, I leave at 7, come back at 6 during the week and I am just tired.
I am so thankful for great, helpful, independent and smart children. I know because of them we are not a failure as parents.
FBOW

I said the wrong thing.

I am not happy, haven't been for almost a year. I am numb.
I should have asked if you were still functioning well.

I do understand he can't stand me now, but I don't get how come he doesn't like the music, movies, food, wine, activities he enjoyed just a year ago. That's why I am stumped at plan A. It seems to me no matter what I do - it misses the target. I do not mean by that I expect huge reaction - I know I should not, but boy, I am out of ideas and approaches with activities, plans, events, dinner menus etc. Those "don't bother me, I don't want to, I'm not hungry, I'll manage, or plain silence" make me feel inadequate.
I wonder if he is trying to get you to become so hurt and angry that you will file and he won't have to?

Plus he is ignoring my gently stated and - reasonable - I believe - requests (not demands). Like telling me as soon as he knows about his business trips.
This would be consistent with him trying to drive you to action. Perhaps there are other reasons too but this is the most likely based on the other things he is doing.

That's why I have little to post about. Maybe later .Plus I do work full time, I leave at 7, come back at 6 during the week and I am just tired.

This is supposed to be a place you come to for help. But it is not helpful if you feel you "have" to post. I hope you never come here when you need rest, or have other things that are more important ( I believe your family is always more important.) I admit that I originally came to your thread because of a request that Seahorse made. I read your story and I always seem to get sucked in and start to care about people and then I just kind of hang around. Don't ever worry about posting when its not good for you. I just wanted you to know that someone cared and would at least try to help. I wish Seahorse was still here, I feel she is better at many things than I am.

As far as being tired, I can't believe all that you are able to do. I suspect your thoughts are defined by all that you wish you could do, but can't. I hope you pause at times to reflect on how much you ARE able to get done, how you are holding your family together, and I hope you realize your worth to your children. I suppose one of the things I worry about is that sometimes we feel worthless when rejected by our spouse. I hope you are able to overcome those feelings.

I am so thankful for great, helpful, independent and smart children. I know because of them we are not a failure as parents. Kind of what I was speaking about. I am glad your children have you to look after them. I hope your feelings of success extend beyond your children, for I don't think you could have held up to the events of the last year if you were not a very strong and capable person.

Remember, don't ever feel you have to post just because I come by and check up on you. I can see ( looking back at your thread) that you come by occasionally but not daily or even weekly. Please don't change what is best for you.
I hope you know that there are others in the world that care about you, and that God cares also.

SS

PS, next time I come by, I'll try and comment on his needs, and your needs a little bit. I don't know if I can give you any direct help, but I may be able to channel your thinking and help you think of solutions of your own.

<small>[ December 06, 2002, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS.

I always appreciate your posts and comments. I know that you respond to many other MBers, those posts many times are helpful for me , too.

I have to function. Many times I wake up and wish I could stay curled undercovers and somehow open my eyes and not to have to face current problems.
I know this is childish, unresponsible, and unrealistic. I am so frustrated though because even when I try reasonable, realistic, grownup solutions they still don't work.
I am afraid I am being provoked to take action which I will later regreat, but also - like many here know, I am frustrated by my own inaction.

I know, being logical and expecting logical order in the emotional matters makes no sense, I learned the hard way. I am so - cause-result oriented though.

Anyway, several of my needs went unmet for a while. Long time ago I thought I was unrealistic and adjusted my expectations and attitude a bit because my other needs were filled well.

I don't know about my H. For sure we were not having good communication. I do remember trying to talk way back about my wishes and his plans only to encounter "I don't know what you are talking about, get busy with something useful" attitude.

So I learned to enjoy the areas I could, and protect myself in areas where I could get hurt.
I also have to admit I began to give up on efforts in areas I seemed never to get it right. Like my hairstyle or appearance. Or meals. Because I rarely heard anything positive ( and never positive unsoliticed), to the contrary, got criticised a lot.

I suspect he wanted to spare me the truth when I asked him several months ago about SF. This seems to be another need the OW fills now exclusively and much better than I ever did.

I also think OW need for FSupport makes my H flattered and proud. I am confused by this - because in our M money did not come easy, I learned being frugal and resourceful, not complaining or demanding , and chipped in with earnings the best I could.

At least those skills may be useful for me in the future.

And because of his A I know now he is able to fill all my needs - openess including - only now he does not want to and might never do so.

I have to start feeling good about myself in at least one area while juggling all may balls in the air.
I will not treat food ( chocolate) as antidepressant. Please remind me this occassionally. I want to look my best.
Also I made a really good chili this week. So good nothing was left for me by the time I got home... Thanks for the slowcooker...
I think I start posting those little things to keep me upbeat. Otherwise I come across as unhappy, not-getting-it looser, and I do not want to be one.

Have a good weekend
FBOW

Hi, SS,
I hope your family is in better health and enjoying your Christmas tree.

This week is going as usual, nothing to report, really. Kids complimented me on two recent dinners. I asked my H in writing, calmly, for end year tax related action, and he did comply although he avoided discussing my point of view - I suspected he'll ignore my letter( I was prepared to reiterate arguments stated in writing). I am glad - I take care of receipts and records and those conversations are usually stressful and unpleasant even in the best of situation.
I was off St Johns Wort for a couple of days ( forgot to buy more) and I could feel it, now I feel more relaxed and detached again.
FBOW

Hi FBOW,

Things are Ok at our house this week. I can see you read around some.

I read your comments on Sue's thread. Sounds like the roller coaster is still going around and around at your house. I re-read some of your comments in other pages and I believe you feel you did something wrong at some point, even though you say your last 5 years leading up to the A seem to have been good ones in your mind.

You list his needs as
I don't know his top EN, he never really told me where I failed, my guess it is conversation, SF, appearance, RC, financial support. But I might be wrong.
Can you tell me how you felt you did on each one of these - which ones you did well at, and which you could have improved on?

I need being appreciated, affection, honesty and openness, FS, involvement w/kids. We never did the questionnaires.
So, your top three are not being met at all, in any form. but he helps with FS, and is somewhat involved with the Kids?

The first question that comes to mind now is "how much longer can she go on?"
So how much longer do you feel you can go on? Has he commented yet on the card to her, or said anything at all about your question to him?

You came to the US about 10 years ago - could you tell me what culture you are from? Is your H from the same culture and background that you are from?

You had said that in the beginning the OW seemed to be a help in communicating in your marriage. Can you tell me what was happening that you felt you needed help?

I feel that much of what you need is emotional support right now. Do you have close friends that help you from day to day, or relatives, parents, or brothers or sisters? At one point you thanked me for prayers in your behalf - can you tell me about your faith in God, and about your own prayers?

Please know that I don't claim to be able to fix anything. I'm just one of the people that cares, and I feel that I could help - at least a little more if I knew the answers to some of these things. I wonder if you would be able to call the Harleys for counseling?

Forgive me for not being more reliable, and taking so long to get back. I wish I was more help.
I'm glad you are posting to Sue, I have seen her post on other topics and she is pretty thoughtful. I want to point out that you seem to be careful and thoughtful and I feel you do a good job of analyzing the information you have and making good decisions. I don't worry that you will make any really bad choices. I hope you have things planned for the holiday that will keep you busy and take some of this stress away in other activities.

You asked a lot of questions on Sue's thread. I don't know if I have the answers but I hope we can give you some more thoughts that will help you find them for yourself.

You seem to me to be very brave, I don't know how you can do what you do. Work outside your home and still do every thing else to make the home function. I don't know how you get the time to post here too. It looks like you are kind of journeling, and using it for therapy and venting. I hope I am not interrupting that for you. I hope you take credit for doing all that you do to make your home run, and coping with this most difficult situation you are in at the same time.

I'll try and get back around more often, but please forgive me if I am slow.

SS

<small>[ December 16, 2002, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS,
again, thank you for checking on me. Do not worry though about timeliness of you responses, you did notice correctly that this site for me is more about venting, putting thoughts in order, looking for ideas, less about immediate answers or solution custom taylored to me.
Because I realize you only know as much as I tell you, and it is not objective info, and bottom line is I have to make decisions myself 'cause I am the one to live with their consequences.
BUT - this said - collective experience and compassion coming to me from this site is certainly helpful and appreciated.
As far as my questions on Sue's thread - mostly rhetorical as only H could answer them.

And so far he did not comment on cards or plans. Yet the weekend was relatively good - even better than others - we went out to dinner Saturday and to see movies after church on Sunday.
We are Catholics, same backround, known each other for over 20 years now. OW - same country, background not known. I am an only child of divorced parents, have loving but strict and critical (also previously divorced stepdad) since I was 9, no contact with real father since I was 4(?), my H and OW - as far as I know have one sibling each and both parents at home. Same college, different majors, all engineering. We graduated 15 yrs ago, she's there now and struggling as it is hard , mostly male, technical school. This - I was told initially- was the reason for my H advice and help to her.

When I mentioned conversation I believe OW exemplifies "real" woman - with moodiness and needs I don't have or learned to suppress thinking this is what my H likes about me - solid, nonwhiny, straightforward, reliable, resourceful partner. Maybe I ended up instead as too boring, too careful, too pessimistic, not exciting or enthusiastic - just down to earth and predictable.

Initially this year my H seemed to care more about my "soft" needs and feelings, like security, helping my own unsecurities, which for the first time in years I decided to reveal, talk about feelings and possibilities, not just practical, "important" stuff. I believe getting to know OW made him realize than even if I do not appear or act feminine, I might still be a woman inside and appreciate being treated as such... He communicated with me by email or phone more often, warmly and lovingly like never before, and complimented me, and was reassuring and praised me too.
I miss it so much and it lasted just a few weeks... This was my H I waited for all time, and I still want and miss and know what wonderful things he's capable of.

Re: his needs
Conversation, appearance, I know I've been failing for long time (his comments that I did not take to heart too much or dismissed as "typical male" before I found MB).,

RC and SF I felt really awkward and poor match in even as enjoyed both. But have not heard direct complaints - just my gut feeling - and I did not hear positive feedback either. And I was avoiding asking directly as I perceived any questioning as needy and whiny - he took care of so many other important, practical things for us. I loved that he was always so sure, good, and ready to make a decision - I am very hesitant to make decisions, will consider pro and cons forever, so by the time I am ready with correct answer , the timing has passed...

Communicating - well -this is a long story - my impression was always that H does not like (like sterotypical male) rehashing feelings and ramblings, that he much rather see concrete actions and achievements. I will post later more specifically about converstation and also criticism - what I know I did wrong and also what I was looking for too.

My own emotional support right now. Well I have MB. And couple of friends but not living close to me - just occassional phone call. No siblings, no way to involve parents, but they are "generally" supportive, have no clue what I go thru, they think everything is fine, except sometimes when I was reaallly low and they happened to call me, I would blame my mood on job stress.

I keep thinking about Harleys for counseling as a last resort but again - I am not an easy person to guide I tend to make plans on my own, "improve" recepies etc, questioning leaderskip etc. - but I am aware of it and try to stick to plan A guidelines without tinkering with them.

SS, enjoy pre-holiday time with your family, I take it day by day, enjoying separate events to best I can, trying not to think this might be our last Christmas together.

My kids are great. I will not make emotional, selfish, spur of the moment decisions for their sake.
I just hope they won't judge me too harshly whatever I end up doing.

FBOW

PS Have you noticed Katherina's First time here thread? Maybe I should move to Plan A/B section.

I had not read her first post, but I did see her post to Sue about golf. Do you ask in reference to her post or in reference to your moving to plan A/B?

I won't comment on most of your post now, I don't think well at night, sometimes not even in the day.

Have you ever seen this post?

Lostva's Story

I bring it up because I feel you have a better chance than many that come here.

SS

Oh, SS,
I meant moving my thread(or starting new one) to " Plan A/Plan B" since I keep posting on Just found out as "First time here" while my D-day was 7 months ago... And obviously there is a need to re-use this thread name ....
I am in plan A and plan to continue as long as my LB is not empty and until I am satisfied with myself.

I saw the golf comments, have no opinion - neither me nor my H knows or plays this game.

It's getting late, I better try to get some sleep.
FBOW

BTW,
I did understand you meant moving to the "Plan A/B" forum, but you should know that you can just change the title of the thread (this one) to something else like -
My long Story
or
Saga of a Beautiful Women
or something more appropiate to how you are feeling now, then you could stay where your friends know to look for you.

However, you are the boss, so it's all yours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think about my friends here in odd moments - while driving and so on, and I really do think you have a good chance if you can last long enouth. I'll talk some more about that when I get some time.
How do you feel from day to day? I know not good, but...well..... are you down always or are you cheerful much of the time? How do your girls see you? How are you at work? Can you joke, talk with a smile on your face, and laugh? Does your boss know what is going on? Do those that you work with?

SS

<small>[ December 17, 2002, 03:23 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS,
well you already know I have to weigh all the pros and cons before I move my thread, so there you go, I'll stay where I am for now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Day to day this is how it goes, some days easier than others, generally I am really tense and unfortunately it tends to show unexpectedly. I get headaches and tense neck muscles which I never had before, now I am able to sleep, but I had problems for five months in the beginning. I don't smoke and rarely drink, my bad habit is biting fingernails and I have episodes of it quite often. Plus I can't have chocolate at home. Not enough strong will in weak moments.

My girls are smart, they can feel my stress, usually it works if I blame it on my job ( which is often true). I hug them and try to keep communications open and better, we don't discuss my feelings though, I apologize if I am too edgy and burst out to them with or without reason of their own.

They hug me back and I just keep trying being better mom and keeping regular activities as much as I can. Actually I just got off the phone with mom of my D boyfriend - who as an outsider, a "regular" person probably feels tension in our household much more and unfortunately took it as me hating him while in reality I try to keep my sanity by establishing clear houserules and making sure they are adhered to. Well I don't bear really well exceptions and surprises, never did really, anyway hopefully I made myself clear with his mom and she'll be able to communicate my position to him. I also explained to her that I might appear harsh and angry after 9+ hours and long commute from the office, so my lack of chattiness should not be held against me. I talked to my D too. See - there you go - "100% issue for me to improve on" i.e. tone of my voice ( totally unintentional, yet highly annoying and agitating as I am being told). All fires under control, house rules explained, handling of exceptions talked about. Hopefully I will not be a source of stress to another family anymore. Does wonders to my self esteem, doesn't it? Unconsciously inflicts continous stress on relative strangers...

At work I think I pulled pretty good act towards bosses and in general - there was a lady coworker I felt closer to and revealed some of my stress but she left 4 months ago and I did not seek further contact - she had enough problems on her own.
At work I am OK, easily annoyed I admit, using it to set boundaries, have to be careful though as I need this job. So far it works, got positive review despite it all in OCt. There were days when I was glad to have too much work and deadlines because it forced my mind off the A. It is also very strict environment, no room for chitchat or distractions.

I have one guy coworker that I can laugh and talk at break time ( 10 minutes total, fraternizing very much frowned upon), I am careful as warned by TooMuch Coffee, he knows our office environment and ridiculous rules at work all too well, so we joke about it, he also knows I am stressed out for other reasons, teenagers among them. He's planning on leaving the company sometime into New Years, nobody knows yet, I will miss these 10 minutes for sure.

Bossess have no clue and would be the last people ever to get a glimpse of my personal life.

So the plan A elements that I work on - my appearance and improving my communication skills ( with kids as guinea pigs)- have a long way to go.

We are invited by H friend's friend to NYEve party. Unreal, I am excited to go. We shall see. I'll try to look stunning and loosen up for those few hours. Seems like a lot can happen till then. Day by day, remember?

Did not have to make dinner tonight, thus had more time.

Feeling more relaxed now,
FBOW

Hi FBOW,

Now that my last final is done, I thought I would take the time to find your thread.

How are you doing tonight?

Enjoy the party for New Years Eve.

hello,first time here,not sure if I am in the right spot.Husband:lies about working,large sums of money missing,new clothes,new hair color,hiding viagra,scratches on back,obvious sperm and at times blood in his underclothes.Married: 35 years with no problems,always open and honest with loving relationship.Problem: DENIES he is having an affair! I have a great need to know and get this horrible issue resolved but can't unless he is honest with me. Any suggestions?

Hi upset,

First, welcome to MB. And sorry you had to come here for support. Support is what you will find here. There is a great bunch of MB'rs here.

My first suggestion is, start you own thread. To do this, Pick a subject topic such as "just found out", scroll down to the bottom and you should find a "new topic" button.

Second, follow your instincts.

Read the links on this site. And I know someone, I don't recall who, has a link in the sig line that has to do with signs of infidelity. I hope he/she finds you and gives that to you.

Another good reading is Surviving an Affair, writeen by Dr. Harley.

<small>[ December 18, 2002, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

HI Sue,
Congratulations on your successful passing of exams! I hope now you can relax a bit and have more time for yourself and your kids, too.

I am OK, coasting toward Christmas, my younger one got sick and probably will miss school for the remainder of the week. My H distant as usual but during week I have too little time to really feel it; it's the weekends that I dread.

Got the gift shopping almost done, I plan on baking some goodies with my young one on weekend and maybe walking the neigborhood to admire the decorations if her asthma gets better.

Made peace with my D boyfriend and his parents, again my Giver taking over..., well still learning how to be cheerful, pleasant, and patient, despite my needs being disregarded... at least I set boundaries there.

I don't want to be a martyr, but boy, sometimes I feel like bursting out to anybody nearby "Look, hug me, forgive my tensions, I hurt and have just a little hope left, so please bear with me".
Well , this only happens here, on MB.
I am so happy for you that you are achieving your dream step by step.

FBOW

Still a few days before I get much time, and I owe you and LIR both a little more useful post.

I hope you have some good days. May the Good Lord bless you with a happy heart for at least a few weeks, and a needed rest from the preasure and stress. All the best,

SS

Hi FBOW,

I have been thinking about you pretty hard for a few weeks now. I hope you don't mind if I make some observations ( things I think I see.)

I believe you are an educated person. You have logical thought processes, linear thinking. It looks to me like you learned the scientific method in school. This is intended as a compliment. Sometimes I wish my W could get this part ( note, she gets other parts, I am not complaining.) Early on you believe this attracted your H to you. Probably it did, knowing what you have said about him. Somewhere along the line, he felt the lack of communication and love - Love that you have inside of you, but you probably hid some of those feelings - believing he wanted you to be logical, and keep things on track.

Enter OW. I don't know how he first met her. I suspect that you responded to him over the years trying to become what you thought he wanted, only to find that it didn't work out like either one of you thought it would. OW has given him other things - probably things he trained out of you. ( remember, I am just trying to piece this together from what I read, correct me if I go off the wrong way.) He found he liked whatever differences she displayed, he felt attracted to her.

This is where he could have come to you and said " lets work on this, I am having a hard time." I remember you said something like she was supposed to help you with communication, but instead she communicated love to him and she caught him. As often happens, he had needs that he didn't know about until they were met by someone else. I bet if you had asked him a few months before she came on the scene if ( whatever she filled for him) was important, he would have said he loved you, and those things didn't matter. Having said this, perhaps there were issues he had, but usually it goes like this....... The man isn't happy, so he gets angry, or least disrespectful. When he is angry the W becomes distant for self protection, or to get away from the pain. Neither realizes what is going on, so they try to discuss it, but talking doesn't work, because the root causes are not understood and addressed.

You have said some of these things, I am just restating them in different terms to get a better understanding, and I am speculating on what happened to him.

Now you are left wondering what will work. He won't let you meet most needs. It's almost as though he realizes that if he does, he will come to love you again, and that will mean admitting he was wrong. I do believe you have a good chance if he continues to stay home, and if you can continue to meet his needs without getting burnt out. ( meeting the ones you can get away with)

I am glad you worked out things with D's friends family. I believe you need a friend, or some friends. I think you need to let some of this pain out, and you need someone to talk to. If MB helps, that is great, but it should not be your first line of support. Please talk about this one a little, and why you feel you can't speak to family.
Were you shy as a teen? It would explain quite a bit.

Finally ( for today, you really can't get rid of me with just a page or so) I have another question for you. You have probably heard the expression "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I think it would be more accurate if it were written " Beauty is in the mind of the beholder." Can you tell me what you see when you look at your H, and at your family, and when you look at what is happening to you now? I want a gauge on how you are doing.

Remember your family always comes first. I'll be around whenever.

I wish you a happy day on Christmas day. When I say that, I remember what was said about you not being happy.

I have a lot more to say, hope I don't wear you out. Still praying for you.

SS

<small>[ December 24, 2002, 06:00 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS, thank you.
Brief answer for your long analysis. I will write more another day.
You know, I realize that you only assess my situation based on info I write here. To me it is amazing and made me feel good, how accurately you described this situation and myself - as I perceive it. It made me feel good because - at least - now I know- that if somebody pays attention to my statements - (probably in writing, not verbal yet) - I CAN communicate, I CAN express my point of view, thus - I am making progress.

I can't make my H listen to me, but in case he will, I will know how to state my feelings, boundaries, expectations and hopes.

I hate being in competition w/OW "who gives up first". Well, I have time, she might not be willing to wait.But she feels loved, and cared for, which gives her fuel....

And H is still hurting me mostly "accidentally", as a side effect of the A, nothing directly hurtful toward me, although rejections does hurt lots.
Have good weekend, SS, I hope the shopping season was good for your business,
FBOW

Hi FBOW,
I probably shouldn't worry about people here so much, but I do. I still think you need a female friend that you can talk to and do things with. I realize you don't have much time these days what with working, and running the home, and being like a single parent some days. Anyway, think on that one for awhile.

To me it is amazing and made me feel good, how accurately you described this situation and myself - as I perceive it. It made me feel good because - at least - now I know- that if somebody pays attention to my statements - (probably in writing, not verbal yet) - I CAN communicate, I CAN express my point of view, thus - I am making progress.
You do a good job of expressing yourself. It looks to me like you got in the habit of saying to yourself " I won't talk to H about that, he won't want to hear it, I'll just take care of it."
I suspect he was short with you sometimes and that would have trained you to "not bother him." We don't realize it is happening, at least I did not, because it happened to our marriage also, but we caught it before it did the damage that many people come to MB for help with. We are still trying to train ourselves out of it - and WE KNOW ABOUT IT. All of those things can be worked on if he is willing to do the work.

I can't make my H listen to me, but in case he will, I will know how to state my feelings, boundaries, expectations and hopes.
I really do believe you would be able to do a good job of it. I would still recommend MC if you get the chance. A good councilor could be a referee and keep him from hurting you so much as he worked out the feelings he has. I just hope you get the chance.

I hate being in competition w/OW "who gives up first". Well, I have time, she might not be willing to wait. But she feels loved, and cared for, which gives her fuel....And H is still hurting me mostly "accidentally", as a side effect of the A, nothing directly hurtful toward me, although rejections does hurt lots.
You "low key" your feelings when you talk about what is happening to you, and spend most of the time talking about what he does, how you react, and the things that happen externally to you.

You have very strong feelings about this, but you feel that you SHOULD be able to cope, so you feel you MUST cope. I believe you need a way to let those feelings out. This is one of the reasons I suggested a friend or talking to family. You need to talk to someone about what is happening. The feelings you have are natural for the trial you are in, you don't need to suppress them. I believe it does damage for us to bury the anger and hurt we have during these times. What you worry about is that others can see your hurt and anger and think something is wrong with you - with you personally, when it is external pressure that is causing the pain. My main outlet for these kinds of things has always been prayer. My only really close friend is my W, and if I can't talk to her about things, I go to God with them. I kind of know how you feel, but I have not had the depth of problems you are in the middle of. ( at least with my marriage.)

Perhaps a priest could help, but you need to be able to give away all the bad feelings somehow. I can't imagine how you have done so well - with all that you have to deal with. I realize you don't feel like things are doing well. Really, you are holding things together when many would have walked away. I hope God will bless your efforts and lift the pain for you at least for a little while.

You are in the middle of the holiday season, when many - even WS's hearts turn to their families. I hope some good is happening to you.
Let us know how he is treating you, and how you are doing, we all worry about you. You can see Sue has had a hard time the last few days, I hope she is OK.

I wish I could do more for you, I really have to think when I come to your thread, and it sometimes takes me a while to get around. I often come here last when I have more time to do that thinking. When you have hard times (and i hope it's not every day, all day) remember that we care about you and are thinking about your problems, and we are praying for you. You are not alone in this.

Have good weekend, SS, I hope the shopping season was good for your business.
Thank you very much, you are very thoughtful and kind. I wish your H could see it and that he was not so deep in the fog.

There is one other thing I want you to remember. You did not cause your H to have an A. Perhaps you could have done better, but that applies to us all. You still need to do as well as you can in plan A, but this is not your fault. Add that to your list of pains to give away.

I can't think of anything to make you laugh tonight, but I hope you can smile when you think that we care, for we do. We really do.

SS

To all my MB friends,
Have a Better New Year !

Wishing myself enough hope and strength and skill to make sure it happens,
FBOW