Hi FBOW,

Thought I would come back and see how you are doing. Really, SS, reminded me of you.

I was going through a rough spell, so I was not much good to many.

As I read some others posts, here, if you could have read my mind, it was more along the lines of Marriagebusting, not Marriagebuilding.

I was reading what SS said with regards to supressing emotions. I did that, sometimes I did not realize I was doing it. It was when I discovered my H's A. I immediately was going to divorce him. I was broken over the thought of a divorce. I realized I did love him. For a long time, I thougth I didn't, it was the built up anger I carried with me that had me feeling this way. Once I identified the anger, and let it go, it has helped me. Things are not perfect. I no longer deny my feelings. (well, except when I have to because of school, this is out of necissity). I have been happier towards H, I have less outbursts of frustration.

In the beginning, H did not trust my new attitude. I think he is trusting it a bit more. He does not think he is the cause of my bad moods anymore, and I identify better the cause of my bad moods. Sometimes, he even tries to help eliminate the cause of my bad mood.

You need to find someone to talk to. Someone who understands. They did not necessarily have to go through what you went through. Now that I think about it, I have one friend at work. She does not agree with my methods. She also does not tell me I am wrong to try to make it work. Unlike my other friends. So I don't talk to them about it any more.

Sometimes, a friendly hug makes all the difference in the world.

Have a happy new year. I hope 2003 is brings you better results

It looks like you are either really pressed for time, or you are really having a hard time right now. I hope it's the time, but I worry that things are really rough for you.

I meant to post to you last night after I posted to Sue but my family claimed me for a computer project ( I was at home.) Please tell us what's going on and how you are - but only when you can.

SS

Hi Sue and SS,
sorry I was quiet. Just really nothing to add.
Yes I am suppressing my pain. There is no other way that I see to deal with it otherwise right now.
I can't lie that against reason I hoped for a change with a midnight wishes and hugs knowing I will be able to hug my H for the first time in months. Well he hugged me too, I had relatively good time at the party we attended with friends, but I don't think antything snapped for him.
As for me well if I am supposed to get better for myself according to plan A, I guess I am. I did not get too emotional with H, I was pleased with the outfit and makeup I had, I convinced myself not to get triggered by other pretty, young, happy women and couples at the party.

Well it's New Year, you can't help but hope for luck. Thank you for thinking about me, but please do not worry too much. I will post when I need to vent or get way too emotional.
I am tired today because not much sleep yesterday and my D had upset stomach so I was staying up with her after the party. I think she's getting better now - resting and napping.

I just can't bring myself to confronting H yet again with a R talk now.
I will focus on my job, kids school, household again. I really liked those few days off work.

See SS I guess my emotional wall is up again, although I did not want to raise it. Well it protects me but makes communicating even harder.
Maybe in a few days I will approach a subject of IC, but how can if I still did not get an answer if H is going to stay against his wishes or what.
I am afraid of sharing with friends just to hear that I should let go of my M or set an ultimatum.
Just like I don't want H to be influenced by outside opinions, I don't want myself to rely on same.

I don't sound clear tonight, do I.
Blame it on lack on sleep....
FBOW

Sorry I was quiet. Just really nothing to add.
I didn't mean to coax a comment out of you, It seemed to me that you were hurting more than normal, even though I could not give a reason why I felt that way.

Yes I am suppressing my pain. There is no other way that I see to deal with it otherwise right now.
I wish you had a good IC to help you ( as you bring up later.) I suppose you will just have to make do with Sue and the rest of us, and I wish your H would help you get over it.

I can't lie that against reason I hoped for a change with a midnight wishes and hugs knowing I will be able to hug my H for the first time in months. Well he hugged me too, I had relatively good time at the party we attended with friends, but I don't think anything snapped for him.
There is kind of a magic in this time of year for many of us. We do expect a lot. I am sorry it did not turn out as well as you wanted. Glad for the hug, you needed at least that. I can see you reference this thought with this Well it's New Year, you can't help but hope for luck. I suppose that is what I was trying to say, we do hope.

As for me well if I am supposed to get better for myself according to plan A, I guess I am. I did not get too emotional with H....
One of the reasons I worry is because you don't have an outlet for the pain. You talk to us, but you deal with pain daily. It' not that I don't think you can handle it, its not that I worry you will do something foolish. What I worry about is you long term health and ability to cope. This kind of stress affects us, I know that from personal experience. You need to find a way to dissipate this stress, that is what I was trying to say with the comments about friends.

I was pleased with the outfit and makeup I had, I convinced myself not to get triggered by other pretty, young, happy women and couples at the party.
I have been wanting to do a big post about this - I wish you gals knew just how much you are worth, and it is not measured by what the world seems to teach us to value. There is not a good way to say these things........ I am struggling with this. How about this. If your H was doing what he was supposed to be doing and supporting you, you would not have any feeling of doubt, and you would not wonder if you measure up, and you probably would not be comparing yourself with others and wondering. I don't know you and haven't seen you but I know you have great worth and if you were single, you would not be a wallflower. I can tell that without ever having seen you, and you know it is true. I wish there was some way to show you your true value, I don't know how to do it, but that value is much greater than you give yourself credit for.

Thank you for thinking about me, but please do not worry too much. I will post when I need to vent or get way too emotional.
I know you will, and again, I am sorry if I coaxed you to post when you didn't have time. I know I should not worry , but I tend to do it anyway.
Perhaps you will just have to put up with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope your daughter is well. Our children have all been sick the past two weeks, except me. Lucky me. Even W was ill, but we have all but one well now, so it didn't last long.

I just can't bring myself to confronting H yet again with a R talk now. I will focus on my job, kids school, household again. I really liked those few days off work.
I would like to know how things have gone since he has been home. I will ask questions below.
By what you are saying, there is not much change.

See SS I guess my emotional wall is up again, although I did not want to raise it. Well it protects me but makes communicating even harder. Maybe in a few days I will approach a subject of IC, but how can if I still did not get an answer if H is going to stay against his wishes or what.
So, you still don't know what he will do, and that wears on you.

Do you have to be careful of what you say around him, does he get angry with you easily, or does he just ignore you?

How does he do in the role of a father? Is he doing things with your daughters regularly? Did he do things before the A? How much of a change is there pre A to now?

You have related ( at least a little bit) to us about how you feel you met his needs pre A. How was he doing at meeting your needs pre A? How well did he take care of you, and did you feel loved and taken care of?

What happens when you try to speak with him - I believe at one time he just ignored you. Does he talk about some of the things ( to do with the household) that you wanted to speak to him about?

When you have the wall up, what does it do for you? How do you feel safer? Why does it make it harder to communicate? Are you speaking of day to day communication, or communication about your M? Or both?

Perhaps he won't say if he is going to stay because he doesn't want to leave, but has built up things in his mind so much that he doesn't know how he can stay. By now your frustration will show and he may take it for something else. He may think you hate him and want to get rid of him. Often the WS has so many issues that they can't see the signals of love being given by the BS.

Once you commented that your frustration and pain sometimes came out as shortness with others ( Including daughters.) How do you feel you are doing now?

I am afraid of sharing with friends just to hear that I should let go of my M or set an ultimatum. Just like I don't want H to be influenced by outside opinions, I don't want myself to rely on same. That makes sense. When I wrote to you about finding good friends to share with, I was thinking of friends to talk to that listen but don't judge. If everyone I spoke to suggested D, I wouldn't want to share feelings with them either.

Please remember that this is your thread, and I know it. You can take a month to reply, or you don't have to reply at all. I am trying to help, but I just try, I don't know if I actually help. I know it won't help if you feel it a burden to reply, so don't be afraid to do what is best for you.

Yes, I do worry about you, and I continue to pray for you. I hope God will strengthen you and give you additional help as you need it. I believe he will.

I don't sound clear tonight, do I.Blame it on lack on sleep....
You sound fine. We like you even when you are tired. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

FBOW,

I've had the emotional wall up a few times. It is hard to keep it down. I have been trying to.

Friends, they mean well, they have our best interest at heart, sometimes, I think they are the worst to get advise from, unless they have been in our shoes. And then again, they are emotionally tied to us, so they feel our pain, and want to help us to feel better. It is also good to have friends to go to. So, they are like a blessing and a curse all at the same time. So, I take their advice with the well intention it is meant.

All of my friends tell me to "dump" my H. One of my friends is single, never married, another married, no kids, (married only one year), another married one year, but lived with H for the last 10 years.). The one who has been in the long term R., just listens, and hopes for the best for me.

I'll try to come back later. I have to leave for work

hi--just want to say a thing or 2 here--I am the guy your husband is--Internet thing--bad sites---now my wife has had it--I know my transgressions--those are unholy bonds--they are there to destroy marriages--I know I have not read all the posts, but I hope he gets out of it--it is not reality--I am really trying to to show my wife that I am out of this life--but she says it may be too late-she is angry, hurt, mad, distrustful--it is my fault--I have been reading the "Power of a Praying Husband" by Stormi Omartin, and have been praying everyday for my wife-for all of her needs, wants, protection from all sorts--and, beleive that GOD will soften her heart to hear HIS words and plans for her--try to give him that book and see what he does--if I'm out of line--sorry--bl

I was wondering if you are better, or worse this week.

That, and I worry about you. ( I know, I know, but that's the way I am.)

I was just in the neighborhood, and thought I would stop by, as they say.

SS

Hello SS,
Thanks for stopping by.
I am kind of numb again. Not too much hope left but again pretty immune to everyday rejection. I despise taking over the ball. So I have not so far. I try to stay nice but detached. I had an OK week. Got older too. Was treated to a nice dinner w/kids and received gifts from kids and a beautiful, simple and elegat pendant I admired once from my H. It was surprising. I also came home to find a dozen of light pink roses. Stunning. So I just don't know what to do. One part of H is still nice to me while the other rejects and avoids me completely. No verbal communication still. Well, as a body he still lives with us. Still did not tell me his long term intentions. I wish I had b-days and New Yers Eves and Christmases and Anniversaries every day.
See, a year ago I had my best Bday ever. So blowing a candle I knew what to wish for.
If I have to wait so be it. In the meantime focusing on raising kids, work etc.
I am better in the way that I know I would be able to survive on my own.

Got some serious talks with my D last week. I think I handled the issues OK, presenting options but not forcing my positions, yet indicating my preferences. I was especially proud that she approached me, not the other way around. I came to terms too that she's entitled to making her own mistakes and learning from them too, and I am not the wisest and most experienced woman, and that she lives in different time an environment that I did.

I don't post because there is nothing new happenning. I stopped taking St John's Wort, will see how it'll go.
I am going to start sending one email weekly to H, concise and to-the point, re practical issues and maybe some other observations as well. Instead of my unsuccessful verbal efforts. I suggested I would be very glad to receive a comment to those.
We'll see.
I think I understand frustrated husbands who have no clue how to please their wives who seem eternally unhappy and their efforts misplaced or mis-timed.

See you around SS. I read your posts to others as well. I am glad you visit often in case I have a really down day. It still happens, you know.

FBOW

Hi FBOW,

I read your posts often. Most of the time I don't know what to say. This is another one of those times.

I wish there was a way for the numbness to go away. It is great when it is gone. I find myself smiling more, my walk has a certain stride to it. I stand taller. I have my bad days too, and I went through a slump for while there. I expect to have more. But it feels great when I am free from the numbness. Today, we had some unusually warm weather, in the low 50's. For where I live that is a heat wave in January. So, I hung out a couple of loads of clothes on the clothesline. My neighbors thought I was nuts. My only comment was, I will probably never have the opportunity to hang clothes in January again, so I'm taking advantage of it.

Take care

Hi Sue,
You really don't need to say anything. I bet you understand my position well. I rarely expect or seek direct advice here anyway. I vent and try to glean some knowledge from other people struggles.

Just like you I do seek life little pleasures. And I am happy for my little accomplishments. I painted girls bathroom and changed the towel bars last week. And smog checked my car. And cleaned up dryer vent( but my laundry doesn't smell as fresh as yours...).
And hummed to the 80's CD I got from my D.
My current numbness is not bad. Otherwise I hurt and get triggered and frustrated constantly. And I guess as long I remain pleasant and not indifferent to H it is still plan A.
You too take care. I am glad your H agreed to professional help for R with son.
FBOW

FBOW,

That is a big step for my H. I wish he would agree to the same for our M. I think the only way he would agree to that is when it comes down to push or shove. My H was married once before, no children. He married his HS sweetheart. They split up about 7 times in their M. He told me they grew apart. I bought it, after all, they were 18 & 19, so it made sense. She went on to college, got her degree, wanted a masters degree, sometime while getting her B.S. degree, she left him, divorced him while she was working on her masters. Now, I wonder, did he have the same problems in thier M that we have in ours. My H's mom did say that he was willing to go to MC with her, when he realized that she was serious about a divorce. He figured that she would come back eventually. (I think).

If things ever get to the point where I call an attorney, it is too late. Maybe the family counseling will help. I know it is mostly for my son, but from a family perspective, it cannot hurt. Tomorrow my son has his IC appt, I will request a referral from her for the family.

Hi FBOW,

I think about you almost every day, and I do worry, even though you say I don't need to. I worry that you are alone, and you don't have a support network to help you. I worry that you hurt with no way to rid yourself of the pain. I worry that if I analyze your posts to much, it will keep you from posting your feelings. However, I'll say some things anyway.

You say a lot of things in this post.
I am kind of numb again. Not too much hope left but again pretty immune to everyday rejection. I despise taking over the ball. So I have not so far. I try to stay nice but detached.
Many have said that as they detach, they feel less like working on things, and less like there is any chance of success. Numb is not good for most things, but it is when you are in pain. More numb = less hurt. There has got to be something that can be done about this, and that Is what I have been thinking about. I have not come up with anything yet. Sue seems to have dealt with this, and most days she is going ahead and seems to actually do well, not just get by. I know you are in a bad place, but there should be more to your life that just getting by. Perhaps there is nothing I can do, but that is what I worry about the most when I think about you.

I had an OK week. Got older too.
Is older OK? or bad? For me it just seems like part of life, and it doesn't bother me. ( 47 for me last Sept.)

Was treated to a nice dinner w/kids and received gifts from kids and a beautiful, simple and elegant pendant I admired once from my H. It was surprising. I also came home to find a dozen of light pink roses. Stunning. So I just don't know what to do. One part of H is still nice to me while the other rejects and avoids me completely.
OK, I wonder what is going on here. He won't talk to you, but he gets the pendant, and flowers? Do you have any idea what he is thinking ? Has he responded to mail yet?

No verbal communication still. Well, as a body he still lives with us. Still did not tell me his long term intentions.
Perhaps he doesn't know his long term intentions. Addictions are - well, they are addicting, but most of us don't like to be addicted, even though we derive some pleasure from the addicting activity. As far as no verbal communication goes, was he like this at other times before the A? Whenever he was angry, or hurt? In other words, is this standard for him to be this way when he is unhappy?

I wish I had b-days and New Years Eves and Christmases and Anniversaries every day. See, a year ago I had my best B-day ever. So blowing a candle I knew what to wish for.
So, a year ago, you really thought things were improving, only to find out that they were not. I know that's an understatement, hard to know what to say about that.

If I have to wait so be it. In the meantime focusing on raising kids, work etc. I am better in the way that I know I would be able to survive on my own.
Sounds like you are looking ahead and preparing for the worst, if it turns out that way. That is better than denial. I can't imagine you in denial, you seem to much on the ball for that.

Got some serious talks with my D last week. I think I handled the issues OK, presenting options but not forcing my positions, yet indicating my preferences. I was especially proud that she approached me, not the other way around. I came to terms too that she's entitled to making her own mistakes and learning from them too, and I am not the wisest and most experienced woman, and that she lives in different time an environment that I did.
Remember that times change but basic truths do not. I don't know what is going on, but be careful. It's hard to set standards and keep them, but our children need us to do that for them until they are old enough to be on their own. I tell my children that as long as they live with me, they live my rules, when they move out, they can make their own rules. I hope it is not something really serious. It is hard enough to cope with children when both parents are working together on it, it is very difficult for one, but many do it in this society. I hope you have worked it out so both of you are happy. Does Dad help with these things?

I don't post because there is nothing new happening.
You said so much in this post, that I could go for pages commenting on it. I gave the short version, but there is a lot going on for you, and in your mind. Your hopes, fears, birthdays, struggles with children are all important. You don't need to post unless you want to, but your life is not "nothing."

I think I understand frustrated husbands who have no clue how to please their wives who seem eternally unhappy and their efforts misplaced or mis-timed.
What has happened with H. He left and came back. Are you waiting for a specific event? Or just for him to tell you what he wants?
I have been impressed with your efforts, and sorry he has not responded as he should. How's your energy level?

See you around SS. I read your posts to others as well. I am glad you visit often in case I have a really down day. It still happens, you know.
I worry about you having bad days, that's one of the reasons we are here. I try to check at least every other day, but sometimes I miss. ( weekends are bad, I am pretty involved with my children and other activities.) I don't post as often as I come by, I don't want to take over your thread.

So, what's your plan?
I know you still in plan A, but what are you hoping for the next few months?

SS

<small>[ January 13, 2003, 05:28 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi FBOW,

I was reading some of what SS had to say.

I don't know if any of how I apply it to myself helps or not. I will pass it along. Take what you want, reject what you don't want.

I remember having up and down days, feeling numb, all of that. I still have some ups and downs.

When the down happens, I feel it, I feel it with all I can. Yes it hurts, it hurts so bad, that I have thought the only way to end the pain is to die. (don't get alarmed here). Then I remember my children, I love my children, I don't want to leave them. (And here a a very selfish thing, I don't want OW raising my kids). If I die, I cannot stop that. I always remember my children. As bad as it hurts, each time it hurts it hurts less and less and less. Then I find myself being able to live and enjoy what I have.

Now, one thing that helps, is I find ways to take control over the things I can control. I find ways to get control over the things I cannot control (without infringing on others). What I mean by this, is I evaluate the situation, what don't I like about it, what can I change, how can I change.

What I am about to say is not recommended as a means to get what I want, because it does not always work. When my H left me 7 years ago, nothing I did worked to get him back, begging, crying, pleading, nothing. Eventually, I started taking control overy my life. I started making decisions for my life that did not include him. Why should I include him, he chose to be out. His answers were always "I don't know", "I don't know what I want", "I like being free of responsibility". I'm thinking to myself, oh, poor you, being a dad was too much for you to handle so you had to run. (Okay, so I'm big in the LB department, at least I didn't voice it). Cry me a river. I was getting tired of his indecision. I have a life, and I was not going to put it on hold any longer for him. I had decided it was time to move on, he could either come along for the ride or get off, I didn't care either way. If he was coming on, he had better stay with me or get out of my way. So, I moved into my own apartment (prior to that we were living in his mom's duplex, so when he left, I was their with the kids). I felt if I was going to get on with my life, that included dating. I didn't feel it would be right to date other men, while living in her house. He took notice then. Honestly, he took notice when he noticed my mood changed from down in the dumps to perky. I got perky when I started taking control. It was not moving that made me happier, it was because I no longer allowed him and his indecision to control my life. When he asked, I told him. I didn't tell him I intend to date if I meet someone (unless he asked). I told him, I felt it was time to move, I asked him where our R stood, he could not answer, so that was an answer it itself and it was time for me to make my own decisions for myself and the kids.

I'm not sure how much control you have over your situation, but I think if you started concentrating on you. I don't recall if you work or are a SAHM, either way, take a class on something that interests you such as Tai Chi or Yoga, pottery, belly dancing, line dancing, anything you find of interest. Go get a massage and facial, do something good for yourself, anything. He can watch the kids for an hour or two so you can treat yourself. You deserve it. It is hard to do at first, especially when you feel like you do. I know, I've been there.

I think what has kept me from sinking too far down is my school. I have a focus and a goal.

Hi SS ans Sue,

Getting older does not bother me, however I guess beauty and youth is one of my H EN. He used to make not so nice comments about aging actresses, poking fun of my first grey strands ( I color them now).
No response to my email. I sent him a second one, short but more personal, thanking for the gift and briefly mentioning how much such gifts help me feel pretty. I sent it more for myself because I did not really think he'll respond anyway.

Lack of communication is unfortunately something very common. If you read my earlier posts, you'll know his dislike of sharing and openess was probably caused by me, then again I did not repeat my mistake in 14 years! And even everyday issues over the years were difficult to plan or discuss as he usually dismissed my questions by "don't know, not interested, can't you do it by yourself". I learned to work around it by only asking short yes or no questions, not asking about anything the answer was not extremely important/urgent, I tried sharing my insights in hope he'll join with his - don't think it ever worked. I know now my tone of voice is often unpleasant (without me realizing it - I guess it's anxiety and resentment for walking on eggshells showing thru) and possibly the conversation subjects were rarely relaxing ( since I limited my attempts to just dire issues anyway). Within past few months I tried many times to start leisure conversation on a variety of topics,carefully chosing most appropiate timing, again, mostly total failure. Right now I am afraid to start anymore 'cause I don't think I can hide my anxiety and fear of rejection. I do smile, and listen when H and kids talk, I know I was guilty of interrupting and impatience before.

I an not in denial, I believed when he said it's not a fling, that he was/is unhappy with me, I know the A is not a cause but a result of the problems and evironment we created in our M.
I am committed to taking effort and time to repair the M, even if I have to endure the A for some time. How long- I still don't know. Right now I don't think I am "wasting" time, I see it more as an opportunity for me to prepare for any outcome. I still much rather not to have to act for him - to ask him to move out, or file.

Both of my D are good kids, great grades, kind, reliable and all. Most of my discussions ( not really problems) with my older D are due to my "old fashioned" rules etc. I realize in addition to generation gap we also skipped thousands miles of cultural backround, plus I know myself I was a "good", but geeky and anti-social nongirly teenager. Anyway, I'd like her to avoid my mistakes without falling into pitfalls of peer pressure etc. And I 'd like her to learn a lot from interactions from a variety of her friends. I'ts hard for me to preach that since my H was my first real BF and all I wanted then was to spend time with him...

I always viewed life I think realistically, as a collection of everyday things, achievements and struggles, not a grand, preplanned dream you fulfill or loose out completely. Knowing the importance of taking care of everyday problems quickly and well, as this prevents big ones coming. And I learned to enjoy life day by day, and be happy as long as the next day was better than the previous, and looking back and seeing how much better life become for me, and I did not even feel the struggle, as I enjoyed every day a little.

Well, at least till about a year ago.

I know that even now my life is not "nothing", that my D adolescence won't happen twice, so I better enjoy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> it while it lasts etc.
I do feel very low on energy, amazingly the first few months after D-day despite lack of sleep and appetite, I felt more energetic.

For the next few months - unless he does something very cruel and intentional or moves out I will continue plan A. Scary as it is, I don't feel time pressure yet, but I don't know how long I will stay with no affection, SF, admiration filled. I can always put spare energy (which I don't have now) into a job search, home improvement etc.
My current job is good for me financially but mentally annoying, and it might get worse for a while.
I will continue to be more connected to my Ds by taking frequent walks and bettering the way I participate in talks with them. And younger one is open to doing more activities with me.
I need to discover things that actually bring me pleasure, for some reason I can't think of too many without having second thoughts ( too fattening, too expensive, too unrealistic).

I'd like to take a mini vacation over spring break. I'd love H to join, however last year I just took the girls and we had good time too.

OK, I better go now. I only wish I had somebody close to me physically I could be as open as I am with you and that this friend too would listen and state opinions, and I would not have to fear of any interfering with me or H or our kids.
Thanks, guys,
FBOW

Hi,

I've read your entire thread, can't sleeep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> so I'm up reading.

I'm divorced now, have been on MB since 2000, and don't usually come to JFO because it's just too painful.

I think it's time for something to happen here. You can't keep on going like this. I can tell from reading your posts in order how tired you're getting, I can read and actually feel this huge weight on your home.

It's not only you that is suffering this much hon, your kids have picked up on it, and you don't want those girls to see this as the model for a loving relationship. You don't want them to think that this treatment of you is in any way/shape/form acceptable - anymore.

I truly believe that it is time for you to plan B. You have had a solid plan A for one year. The affair is being kept a secret, and for your own reasons you don't want it brought to the light of day, and it seems as if with his travels the OW will be content to keep things this way for quite a while.

Eventually if you give all you have your love bank will be empty. I wonder how much longer you can live like you are and still recover well. I worry about your health. When is the last time you went to the doctor for a check up?

I'm exhausted, and have been up all night, so everything is fuzzy to me except that I really think it is time for something to happen with you.

I will be keeping an eye on you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

(((hugs)))

E

Hi FBOW...

Another poster asked if I would stop in here and see if I could help.

I completely agree with JTW that it is time for Plan B. Long past that time actually. Plan A for women should be about 3 months at the most.

Are you at all willing to explore that option? I do marriage coaching with MB principles and would be happy to help any way I can.

Let me know.

Cerri

May I ask, why 3 months for women? Is it because we are more emotional and longer takes a physical and phycological toll on us, or is it because men will be more involved with OW, or figure we are weak for putting up with it this long, or am I way off base on this one?

How were you able to do marriage coaching with MB principles? I think I worded that badly, doing too many things at one time. How did you get qualified?

FBOW - not trying to hijack your thread, I'm curious about Cerri. Unfortunately today my brain is fried, so I don't have much to offer unless it is simple stuff.

Thanks

Hi,
JTW and Cerri, thank you for your inputs. I will keep in mind your observations and suggestions. Sue, you know you are free to use my thread as I often used yours...
My mind is tired today too so I'm done.
FBOW

Hi FBOW,
You should take cerri up on her offer to help, she is a lot better at this than most of us mere mortals. This is a good chance for you, ask lot's of questions, and take notes.

SS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by still seeking:
<strong>Hi FBOW,
You should take cerri up on her offer to help, she is a lot better at this than most of us mere mortals. This is a good chance for you, ask lot's of questions, and take notes.

SS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .... you are too kind SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Hey, did you see yourself on my website? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

C