FBOW - Not trying to hijack here,

SS- Thank you. Sometimes you make me want to cry. If my H had 1/4 the compassion, respect, courtesy that you have, I know my M would not be in the position it is in right now. <<<cyber hugg>>, "sue wipes tear from eyes" (touched by compassion)

Hi to All,
and thank you very much for thoughts and prayers.
My H seems to have more patience and understanding towards me, regarding everyday schedules and planning. It makes organizing everyday life much much easier as I don't have to do what-if scenarios.
I am so afraid to have my hopes up as I don't know how many more downturns on the rollercoaster I can still take.
I am doing OK. Just very nervous inside and tired outside.
The practical stuff is being taken care of, everything should work out this way or the other.
I became very uptight and it's extremely difficult for me to relax, as I am afraid then my emotions will take over and I will not be able to control my behavior. That makes me very tense and strict towards my kids. I realize that and I am trying to keep my stress out of the interactions with them. It isn't easy.
There are triggers everywhere. I hope with time I stop being so jumpy.
I don't know if this is the "right" way, but I divided my activities into little areas and try to keep those areas in working order. Like making dinner, job, kids transportation and activities, cleaning, my appearance etc. This way I can focus on one area at a time and have some sense of accomplishment even if other "compartments" still need improvement. And I try to detach emotionally from all of them, just concentrating on doing them. There are days when I feel there is not enough of me and my energy to keep up with all of them; and nights when my emotions do take over, or moments when I loose my patience and control, either at work, or while discussing stuff with children.
It's getting late and I need to get some sleep.
You know, I am still happy with whatever actions and choices I made during last year. Which is good.
Hope tomorrow will be a good day for all of us.
FBOW

Hi FBOW

Do you do anything for yourself to make you feel better, such as a facial or a massage, a class that you enjoy. Time for you and only you?

Once I had a facial, it was 5 years ago. H gave it to me as a wedding present at the spa in the hotel we were staying at. I was so relaxed by the end of the facial, I felt good. I would like to have another one.

Make sure you get enough sleep. I know when things are tough, everthing can seem overwhelming. It is important to make time for you. I try, but find it hard to do.

Hi FBOW,
I continue to admire the way you cope with things when you have to do most or all of the work yourself.

I should probably tell that to Sue too, for she does much the same.

Continuing to hope for the best for you. We got our son married last Friday and had a very good time. It's nice to know that in the midst of all the troubles in the world, good things still happen. I am hoping you see some of that good soon in your own marriage. Still praying for you.

SS

SS - CONGRATS to your son

SS,
I join in the congratulations, too.
And thank you for the prayers.
I was able to talk to my H yesterday. Difficult for both of us, by no means not all the stuff I'd loved to hear, but hopefully it is a start.
I guess I will start counseling alone. He still does not want it, even if just to facilitate our communications. But he does not intend to leave us. Does intend to stay friends and all with OW.
I know, I should have known better, been here long enough. She is far away. I'll take it from there though. Small steps even if I'd love to see a giant leap toward ME.....
I wish I were less emotional yesterday, it was mostly my body, not mind overreacting( tearful and shaky at times). It should be easier next and then next time, as long as we'll learn something from those talks.
I guess I should be happier, but I am too cautious for that.
Again, I might not post for a while but who knows.
Peace to you all
FBOW

Oh, and if I may ask, please, please refrain at least in the very beginning from criticising me for not doing plan B and allowing cake eating. You may well be right. I guess I'll find out soon. I am proud on my last years thoughts and achievements and hope those will guide me thru current stage. And yes, I an keeping the books handy.
FBOW

Hi FBOW,

How are you doing?

Hi Sue,
I am OK. Trying to finalize house deal, hopefully by the end of next week. If my H means what he said then I'll probably won't move there. But since he believes it is OK for him to remain friends with OW, I don't know wkhat happens. Right now I am too exhausted to talk about it. I am going to be honest with my feelings , hesitation and fear and ask him to show me and assure me me and his kids will be the priority over the long distance friendship.
I am really happy that he seems to be less depressed and more involved with kids and house stuff, and spends nowhere near the previous amount of time on the PC/phone.
And he talks to me about casual stuff, although it's usually me who initiates it.
Till later

FBOW

Hi FBOW, Its sounds like you are being very strong and coping as best you can in a crappy situation. Has his recent change in attitude happened to coincide with your buying the new place? Maybe him seeing you doing what's right for you will shake him up a bit? You are doing well. You've got to do things when the time's right for you.

SS Congrats re your son.

SH

Hi FBOW,
It's nice to travel, but it's nice to be home. I can see you have been busy.

H's response to you seems to be warmer than it has been in a some time. I can't help but think that is positive. I know it is too soon to know what will happen, but perhaps all your hard work is helping things. I note that H is still there. Sometimes inertia is a good thing, it gives us additional chances.

I feel like asking if you are OK right now?

SS

( Later Edit)
I see your comment on plan B, and it got a chuckle out of me. This is your thread, and you are doing life changing things. We are here to help, advise, and support you. I can't fault what you are doing. You have a plan and are working it as best you can. It fits what you are able and willing to do. I think you are doing a very, very good job.

Just so you know.

<small>[ March 24, 2003, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi FBOW,
I know you read from time to time, and I know that if you felt a need to post, you would do so. I just wanted to check in again and let you know someone was thinking about you.

I'm not sure what is going on with you, so this will be kind of general in nature.

You said at one point that you are happy or proud of what you have been able to do the past year. I concur, you have done well considering the troubles you have had. Really well. You have lasted much longer in plan A than many can do. You are still fighting for your M. I was thinking about you and Sue and Seahorse this morning and was impressed by how strong the three of you have been. I don't know if I could have done nearly so well as you have.

I know you understand your options pretty well. I see you planning for the future, no matter what it brings. Isn't that a defination of courage, doing what needs to be done, even when you are afraid?

I don't have any ideas or suggestions today for you. Not even any questions, just continued support and prayers.

All the best to you and your family today.

SS

Thank you, SS,

I keep on living with the most optimism and hope and goodwill I can still dig out of me.
It is hard. I am really tired and out of fuel. So I appreciate your support in thoughts and prayers very much.
I try not get too scared of being hurt over and over again. I am only human and don't have unlimited reserves of trust and patience and resourcefulness and ideas.
Walking a tightrope of not wanting too much at once and not being too pushy while protecting progress I made in the last year is exhausting.
I need my H to meet me - if not halfway, at least walking towards me. I don't know if he doesn't understand it or just dosen't feel like it (yet????).
I keep reading my collection of sweetest emails from my H he wrote just a little over a year ago. How happy and elated about bettering of our M I was then. He seemed the same way, too.

Till next time.
Still taking care of practicalities. Now I have to think about being a landlord. And learning not to sweat the small stuff. All that with no chocolate support.
I do stop by Sue's and Seahorse's threads. They seem to weather all the surprises and difficulties they encounter so well. Ithink about them often. How we hope for the best and learn to live well with what life gives to deal with.
FBOW

Well, well.
What a positive post from someone who has been working so hard for so long. What a very positive experience it was for me to read it.

I am impressed that you continue to do so well. Thinking about it, and what I know of you, I should just expect it.

I keep on living with the most optimism and hope and goodwill I can still dig out of me. It is hard. I am really tired and out of fuel.
Somedays I can feel that in your posts, how tired you are. Today I feel quiet strength.

I try not get too scared of being hurt over and over again. I am only human and don't have unlimited reserves of trust and patience and resourcefulness and ideas.
No, you can't go on forever without help from him. I agree. You have not said much about how you feel lately, or the direction you wish to go. I wonder if that's because you are getting closer to changing plans and it upsets you.

Walking a tightrope of not wanting too much at once and not being too pushy while protecting progress I made in the last year is exhausting. I need my H to meet me - if not halfway, at least walking towards me. I don't know if he doesn't understand it or just doesn't feel like it (yet????).
Even after he says he wants to make things work and says he cares there will still be problems. He doesn't know half of what you know. I can't say what he is thinking, but I know that It has taken my W and I a year to overcome many of our troubles and we had no A to begin with. But, yes, I wish he would tell you his feelings and begin to help more.
We have asked about you before and you say you are in good health . When do you ever get any rest from the stress you go through? Do you ever? Is there any way H could help with this if asked directly? Would he be willing to take you on a vacation to help you cope ? Is it worth asking, or is it too early for that still?

I keep reading my collection of sweetest emails from my H he wrote just a little over a year ago. How happy and elated about bettering of our M I was then. He seemed the same way, too.
He was the same way. I don't believe the feelings he expressed were fake. He may have those same feelings again. I still have a great deal of hope for your M. As I have said before, he is still there, and that is something.

Still taking care of practicalities. Now I have to think about being a landlord. And learning not to sweat the small stuff.
Now I wonder what is going on. You are pretty modest, and I hope daughter is not causing problems again or something worse. Small stuff, yes, I can imagine it. I have to smile sometimes when I read your comments. Very modest. Very.

All that with no chocolate support.
Ha, at least I reward myself, diet or no diet. I just try to be careful about it. Right now I am working on a very large Hearshy Almond bar, but I share with my twins, and I only eat a square or so every few days. You are even tougher than I first thought. Sorry If I cause cravings, didn't mean to.

How we hope for the best and learn to live well with what life gives to deal with.
See, - how positive, what an inspiration. Someday I would like to meet all of you that come here and help me so much so I could thank you in person. You've got me smiling again. How'd you do that?

SS

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Iam having an affair, where do i start to end it? I am in the process of falling in love with this other person. Everytime we meet a get a little more involved. I don't want to leave my family (husband 5 yrs, teo boys 1 and 4 )but I fantacise about it. I panic when I think I almost get caught and swear i'll never see him again but a couple weeks go by and I have to see him again, or I think I can just be "friends". I want to tell my husband because he is my best friend I need his support through this but i can't expect that. I feel like I'm in a hole. It physically hurts to think of giving up my lover. I look forward to getting closer to him but at the same time it scares me to death. I feel like I'm right at the point of no return but i'm to confused to turn back. I feel like I'm addicted to my lover but at the same time I feel like I really love him and he's the one I should be with. This is making me a nervous wreck and I can't take it anymore. ANd I can't talk to anybody about it. I am A horrible horrible person.

Hi FBOW,

I'm still looking in. I don't have much to say today.

I have a few minutes before they chain me back on the oars, thought I would say Hi.

"HI."

Here they come, maybe I can find a new hiding place.............

Pant, Pant, Dang ships to small. See ya later.

Oh nooooooo, the captain wants to water ski this afternoon. Ahhhhhhhhh.

SS

Sorry, sometimes I get in these moods.

Hi,
thought I would comment.

I am tired and busy with regular job also now I am cleaning and painting the house to rent it ASAP.
Good Night!!!
You work full time, take care of the house, the kids, and now you clean and paint another house. I am getting tired just thinking about it. No wonder you won't be posting for a while. I'm amazed at what you are getting done. Is H helping with the house painting at all?

I am concerned my H and I don't have time to talk or just be relaxed together. I stopped being the initiator so the conversations stopped altogether....
What kind of interaction do you have now. See each other in passing? It looked like things were getting better for a while. Are you just burnt out and can't continue with things that drain you emotionally?

You really don't have to reply, I was just thinking about you. Still praying for you.

SS

Just checking in on you.

I suppose you are OK, but wanted to say Hi and wish you well. As always, you don't need to comment when you are busy, and I know you are busy.

I hope you know that there are people that care about you.

SS

Hi SS,
yeah, I am busy, but you should see "before" and "after"! Saturday I am meeting my realtor friend to get some advice re renting and advertising etc.
Painting where needed is done, cleaning almost...
I am tired but hopefully I'll find good renters soon.
My H seems depressed, doesn't talk much, sleeps a lot, but responds to my greetings and logistics issues ( like driving kids around).
Took me and D for coffee last Saturday morning.
I try not to get discouraged by the stagnant situation, but it is better than, say, 2 months ago. I was hoping he will show some effort by caring about the non-emotional, non-intimate stuff at least, like putting dishes away, not leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc. as I told him I need and appreciate his help and consideration with those areas. I am so needy emotionally, hungry for hugs, kind words, starved intimately yet seeing those little everyday things being ignored, I am not asking for those important EN, knowing that rejection will hurt me badly. Not ready for it right now.
Oh well.
We are going with friends for Easter brunch, I'll get my hair done and will try to be cheerful and pretty....
I appreciate your kind and nondemanding notes alot, SS, and till next time,
FBOW