I am stuck between a rock and hard place. I hope posting this will help me some how. This is my second marriage. We moved out here about a yr and half ago so that my 3 kids from my previous marriage would have a healthy upbringing. hubby #2 was the ideal mate back in calif. ever since we have been here my husband has abondoned me numerous times, cheated on me, abused me. He blames me for almost everything, I work fulltime, active in kids sports. I have given him more than a second chance to wake up and smell the coffee, but i guess being on his turf (TX) has made it any better. he takes it for granted that i wont leave or find someone who will turn out to be his replacement. Any suggestions???

If you have no hope for your marriage and any more love for your husband, then I would suggest you divorce him. But if you do decide to leave your husband don't use an affair to do it, because you will only be replacing one bad companion for a worse one.<p>If you have hope and love, then I would suggest you and your husband go to a marriage counselor to determine if there is a way of healing your marriage. I would also suggest to you to read the Harley books 'Surviving an affair''Love busters''His needs Her needs' to help you in trying to restore your marriage.<p>Please keep posting because not only is it a great way of venting some steam but also because there are many other people here with great advise that can really make a difference in your life.<p>Joe

I have not been in your situation, and I can't imagine the pain. I know if I were in your shoes, I would not stay around to be hurt again and again. Good luck and best wishes.

Joe,
I have suggested marriage therapy more than just once. At one time we were attending while he was still having an affair. Now mind you we have only been married 1 yr and a half. But he always replies with he doesnt have a problem that i have to stop my complaining... Well duh. if he doesnt spend time with me is always too busy for other things yes i have the right to complain. Dont you think?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cuca:
<strong>Joe,
I have suggested marriage therapy more than just once. At one time we were attending while he was still having an affair. Now mind you we have only been married 1 yr and a half. But he always replies with he doesnt have a problem that i have to stop my complaining... Well duh. if he doesnt spend time with me is always too busy for other things yes i have the right to complain. Dont you think?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Of course you've got a right to complain Cuca. <p>Your husband is not behaving like a husband at all and you do not deserve this kind of treatment from him or any other man.<p>But please do not consider an affair as a way to deal with the pain in your marriage. Before you start another relationship divorce him first and give yourself sometime to sort things out to see if you are not attracting and beign attracted to men like him that are not even close to husband materiel.<p>Nobody knows but you if you have any more love left for him and whether you should stay married to him or not, so before you do anything final like a divorce, make sure that it is because you see no possibility of recovery at all.<p>Keep us posted.<p>Joe

Cuca,<p>I am so sorry you are having these problems. I see that you are in TX and wanted to share some information with you about the laws here. I'm not implying that you get a divorce but when I found out my husband was cheating I wanted to know my legal rights and this is what I found out:<p>My lawyer informed me TX and Alabama are 2 of the worst states for women to get divorced in (good old boys still alive and well here). Conversely, CA is the best. In order to qualify for alimony here, you have to be married for 10 years. Alimony is then only good for 3 years. I'm not sure about child support. You may want to consult with a lawyer if you are interested in understanding all of the facts before you move forward with anything.<p>Cuca, you have found a community that cares about you here. Good luck and keep us posted.