<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I'm so sorry that it has led to this, I kept my mouth shut becuase all the people here are so good, and the concepts are quite admirable. I'm no such person, yet. I'm judgemental and idealistic. These are words used by people who know me and my IC. Though, this is true I know that they all love and respect me for who I am. My S/O other is included. I now know and understand (even though he's been saying it to me from the start), what he did and thought was his problem. It wasn't becuase of ME, he didn't disrespect me, rather he was disrespecting himself, didn't love himself, and was trying to self-destruct for the things he had gone through. He never resolved his problems because he had no-one to help him. He's not doing that anymore.
I guess my rambling is pointing to my opinion that you, SpyWife, has been one of the most amazing person. If I was in your shoes, I'd be doing and saying a lot of different things. Pride rules me, and it still does. I haven't decided that I am willing to let that go as yet. So, I make my SO's life hell. I want him to pay for what he's done. In fact, I want all of them to pay for having a hand in hurting me.
So Marc, if your lurking, thank your lucky stars that this great human-being has graced you with her presence.
I know all affairs are painful, and my SO has been a real stupid, sorry excuse of a human-being, but had he tried to pick girls up for SF, or had he truly enjoyed it (rather than just used them all like the *ho%$s that they are), or or had he wanted anything more, or had an EA, I wouldn't care how sorry he was now.
SpyWife has been so patient, understanding , forgiving and caring towards you here. She's put a lot of work into your relationship and thank goodness, into her well-being.
Last time I wrote, I said I expect him to be exclusive to me(in body, soul and mind) always and forever. I believe this is possible. I hear some people saying this is impossible as everyone will look. There's a difference. You can look and just acknowledge someone is good-looking (like a brother/sister) in a non-sexual way, then there's the other where you let your mind wonder into dangerous territory, that leads to fantasy.
My SO has been doing more soul searching because he believes he is a good person. He is uncovering many events in his life that has impacted on him, but he denied to himself (e.g. who's heard of women taking advantage of a guy who can over power her physically? It's unnatural for a guy to be ashamed of not wanting SF, right? NOT).
Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll write.
I extend to you my sincere hope that you will take care of yourself, and you will obtain happiness.
Marc.
PS: The only way through anything this difficult is through being honest to oneself (good or bad), otherwise your cheating even yourself, not just the person you claim to care about.
PPS: I'll share one final personal thing. This is what lifted the ultimate fog for my SO.
I told him about a vision I had of us in our nineties. We have a house near the beach and we go out for a walk every day, hand-in-hand. We go there to pick up a momentum. When we find it, we look into each other's eyes and see the miricles (experiences) we've shared in our lives. There's a little sadness for the things we've hurt each other, but most of the memories over the past seventy years are amazing.
