I finally went to see a counsellor this week (only 9 weeks after D-day). Since D-day H has been saying that we should go (he has been a couple of times by himself) but every time I ask him when, he says "we're going so well that I didn't think we needed it". If you're not yelling and sreaming then in his mind things are going well.<p>Well, I was going quietly nsane so I made an appointment for myself. I feel so much better already. For the first time I have heard someone say that this is not my fault and that it's H who has some serious issues to sort out. Thank God! He described marriage as a row boat and each partner has an oar. You both have to paddle or you get nowhere except maybe around in circles. He told me that what I was doing was paddling twice as hard, trying to make up for H. I kept asking myself where I went wrong and it seems that I didn't. I'm not saying I'm not partly to blame for problems that we have in our marriage but I can't be blamed for H not talking about them - that was his decision. His mother actually told me that I had to have a long hard look at myself and work out why H needed to "go elsewhere". I actually started to believe that she was right but the counsellor told me she was "talking out her [censored]" (excuse language) and to not go there. I wondered why H was so reluctant to take me to counselling and I guess I got my reason - he didn't like what he heard when he got there. I did though and it's made me so much more positive about things.<p>I've made a resolution (until the next wave of depression sets in) to be happy and try to put thoughts of what H did out of my mind. The best thing I can do is show him why he fell in love with me in the first place and it certainly wasn't because I was sad and feeling sorry for myself all the time.<p>It will also serve another purpose - the best revenge on OW will be for her to see that we are still together and (hopefully) happier than ever. She's the one who has to live with her immoral decision and I'm not going to make it easy for her. I won't let some self centred trollop ruin my life.<p>Anyway, just though I would share that with everyone while I'm feeling good about things. Tomorrow could be a completely different story. We all know about the ups and downs and I can assure you, pregnancy hormanoes don't help at all.