My H recently described OW as a Ferrari - fun, fast, desirable but totally impractical and not a "long term" vehicle. I on the other hand am a "camry" - reliable, practical, comfortable and there for the long haul. He actually thought I should feel happy about this - that he was paying me a compliment. Which would you rather be?<p>It didn't help that his dream has always been to own a Ferrari. How did he think it was good to say that OW was his Ferrari? I wonder sometimes about how a male's mind works. They think they are saying the right thing and it ends up offending everyone. Apparently, he told OW this same story when they had their "it's over" meeting and she wasn't too impressed with his analogy either. He thought he was so clever. No wonder people have afairs - the male and female minds are obviously so very different.<p>HRO

Hi heartrippedout,<p>I personally wouldn't take this so serious. It is a fact that men and woman think completely different. <p>I just think he maybe used a example that was logical for himself. Think, a Ferrari is a "dream" + "not reality" (for most people) it's expensive, it's not practical and if you don't watch out, it'll be gone......... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] and when a Ferrari is scratched or dented it looks like garbage.<p> Think what his "Farrari" would look like in the morning after:-)) not all polished up.......<p>I for myself would rather be a Mercedes [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I'm a Porsche once in awhile and sometimes I'm even a Ferrari.
In reality my H prefers the Mercedes (reliable, practical, comfortable and there for the long haul)
So maybe just try to take this with abit of humor and show your H that you are accepting his way of thinking. Ask him, what kinda car does he resemble??? "Herbie" the VW beetle! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Or just tell him that you can compair him with your washing machine. Before recovery he was "dirty" and now after being washed he has became "clean" again. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

And just think of the OW as your toilette bowl. Flush her away after you go *ee on her, think about that when your H is in the bathroom too. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>hug ya
BB<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: blondblossom ]</p>

Ouch...I can see how that must have hurt.<p>Men struggle with understanding their own feelings and we sometimes try to come up with seemingly logical analogies to help us express it.<p>I dare say that your H had not thought through (duh!) all aspects of his illustration, but I think he was trying to tell you that he values characteristics in you that are "Camry-like" more than he values the OW's "Ferrari-like" attributes. A back-handed compliment for sure, but take what you can at this point.<p>But since you now know that he likes the "Ferrari" attributes, would you be willing to "soup up" the Camry once in a while?<p>Of course, I think he needs to be reminded that cars really don't care if you drive other cars. By the same token, cars don't really care who is driving them either.<p>I'm not making light of your pain. If anything, the simple way we men try to make sense of things can sometimes be almost comical.<p>Low

I agree with poster that said that sometimes men have difficulty explaining their feelings and so rely on inadequate analogies. It may also be a case of him casting for a way to "justify" the A and thus relieve some of the tremendous guilt he's feeling. But there is another phenomenon I have seen. I'm not saying it is definitely what is going on with you -- that's for you to judge. But if this is on the money in your case, you need to face it now and deal with it.<p>It's a kind of madonna-whore complex, although the sufferer doesn't have to be a man. It's when you can only be attracted to someone you would never dream of marrying, and you would only consider marrying someone you don't really find attractive. He's a bad boy -- I'd never marry him but I love to be with him. He's boring -- he'll make a great husband, even if I'm bored. She's so good in bed, I can't imagine her as the mother of my children. She's the mother of my children, I don't even want to imagine her as a sexual being. <p>It's insulting to everyone. Women who are good in bed may also be very good people. Very good and attentive wives can also be exciting and fun. Hunky men can also be caring husbands. Caring husbands don't have to be boring. <p>If your husband thinks like this, that doesn't mean that you really are boring or uninteresting in bed -- just that he cannot hold the two images of you in his head at one: hot babe, good wife. So he's labeled you "good wife," and labeled her as "sex pot." <p>If this all applies to you, it's possible that you can educate your husband. Demonstrate to him that his assumptions about Good Girls are wrong (this will probably coincide with your Plan A). However, there are some people who just cannot get past that view of the world. They're emotionally stunted, probably as a result of some wacky things in their childhood.

Hi HRO,<p>
I wanted to start out with the usual disclaimer that I am the WS cheater. <p> I think that the sexy bad boy/ good husband thing cuts both ways. I know that at least part of the reason for my cheating, usually just one or two dates, was to feel like the bad boy. It is enticing to be wanted just for sex, when you spend so much of the rest of your life being a father and husband. <p> My point is that it may be that your husband wanted to feel like a ferrari instead of a minivan.<p> Jack

I guess that's the most frustrating thing in all of this - we have never had problems in the bedroom. If we could stay there all the time then life would be perfect. Or so I thought. I did think that we were both happy with that part of our relationship. Makes you wonder why he needed that from someone else then.

HRO,<p> It wasn't techniques or positions that I was looking for. It was the idea of being wanted for sex and only sex. <p> I am the good guy all the time at home. Everyone calls me a nice guy. Sometimes I don't want to be the nice guy that women want to marry. Sometimes I want to be the guy they would never take home to meet their parents. <p> My issues we mostly with not getting enough sex at home. After I perfected the bad boy, pickup artist character, I really enjoyed the idea that I was wanted only for sex. It is totally unfair and unrealistic because as soon as your build a relationship you can't have that feeling anymore.
Kind of like a Ferrari fantasy.