After 16 years of marriage my husband has left the house. He is staying with his mother. He is in the midst of an affair but tells me that he was led to the affair because of the lack of intimacy in our marriage. He now refers to our marriage as a prison and doesn't seem to want to return home. In the past two weeks God has done a great work in me and has truly changed me and helped me see the mistakes that were made in our marriage. I'm ready to move forward but my husband thinks that it could never work and that he doesn't want to go back to an unhappy marriage and feel like he is in prison. I've explained that many have been where we are and that we can make this work. Our nine year old daughter is an emotional wreck and I refuse to give up on our marriage. Are there any marriages out there who can share a similar experience where the men are back home with their wife or family? Please help. My e-mail address is villamd@towers.com

Yes !
here is a story for you. <p>Lostva's story<p>Go about 6 down to Lostva's big post ( there is a small one only a few down, go past that.)<p>You may be in for a long hard trip, but if you are up to it, your marriage may be better than it was. <p>Read and study on this site, learn as much as you can, and start your plan A. <p>We feel for you. There is always a lot of pain. We are praying for you. <p>SS

Thanks still seeking. That was an awesome story. I'm willing because I love my husband and I know that this is not him right now. I have faith that he will soon return and be a better person for it. I know that God has made me a better person for it too. It's the waiting that hurts and although it seems at this point that we are heading to plan b because of the emotional rollercoaster, I love him dearly and will continue to show him that in everything I do and say.

Please continue to read and study on this site. There is a lot to learn, and you will read many things that will help you in your struggle. <p>Come back when you hurt and need someone to talk to. We still pray for you. Don't give up the fignt.
SS

Well a lot has happened in the past 2 weeks. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. But yesterday my husband actually came to the realization that he was out of the will of God. I know that God is working on him and I have faith that he will soon be back home. He actually seems like he is softening up, he's not being as hard as he was a week or so ago. I love him and I'm ready for him to come back. I'm ready to love him, to respect him, to honor him, and to show him that he has a new wife. God has done so much in me in the past three or so weeks and I'm ready for him to come back but I want to also be sure that he comes back after God has worked in him so that when we come together again, our marriage will be stronger and better than it ever was and more than we could even imagine. Please keep praying for us folks and thanks for your encouraging words. I know the God that I serve and I know that my marriage was ordained by God and therefore I know that eventually we will have the victory. God bless.

It is good that you see some progress. Many describe the trip you are on as a roller coaster. Many ups and downs. Remember when the downs come that there WILL be ups also. <p>This is one of the hardest things that this life can inflict upon us, but you seem to have a good attitude. Keep it up. <p>Here is some information about plan A - if you have not seen it before. <p>NSR's links to info about plan A and B<p>Come back from time to time and let us know how you are doing. <p>SS

Pain - Hello, I'm sorry that you have to come here like the rest of us but since I found this site, I can't seem to get enough of it! I only wish that I had found it last year, I really needed this last year more than anything. But - I did find it and I read and read and read and read.. searching for answers that will probably not be answered. I have learned to "just let go" of some things and move on.. <p>A year ago, my Husband's favorite song was: "Moving on" by Rascal Flatts... That hurt..<p>Now, His favorite song is: "Good Morning Beautiful" by Steve Holly... This makes me love him more than ever before.<p>Grant you, it's been a long hard journey.. but we've done it together.. We actually haven't had any counseling either.. which is amazing as to how far we got without it. I if your interested in yet another story.. here's mine. My Story<p>A marriage can be rebuilt.. together you can have to most wonderful relationship... better than before... if you can imagine that. I didn't think it was possible for my H and I to have what we have now. It's absolutely wonderful. We have a better understanding of each other's needs and we give more than we take now.. instead of being concerned with our needs being met, we focus on the other's needs being met. It equals out.. no one keeps track, it just comes natural now.<p>Grant you, I do still have some "issues" but, I push them aside most days.. <p>Please be patient and focus on each other. You will find strength from each other. I didn't think I could.. but - I fought hard for my marriage and in time, so did my H. <p>Please keep coming here and read, read, read! I learn something everytime I come here.. and I've only been here for a few days! Yes, I logged off and got some sleep [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God Bless,<p>Robin<p>[ June 01, 2002: Message edited by: Midnite706 ]</p>

My H of 16 yrs had an affair last year and moved out for 6 wks. It was a horrible emotionally devastating time for me. He came by often to see the kids but when I asked about our future- he would say our marriage was 'hopeless' and that divorce would be the answer. I refused to agree to that. We went to our pastor once and told him everything- instead of helping that made H blame me more and he quit going to church for a few months. However I am happy to say that eventually he 'saw the light' and cancelled his divorce action against me and we have been in counseling ever since restoring our marriage.We first had to work thru the damage the affair caused and then move on to the underlying issues that we had disagreed about for years. Lots of stuff to deal with! there is hope! Have you read Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian? I highly recommend it. I went to church OFTEN during all this and it was what kept me sane!lifeismessy

Thanks again everyone. Right now things are looking up. I believe that my husband will come home soon. I wish I had found this site earlier on before our problems. I've learned so much here and it will truly help in rebuilding our marriage. I will keep you posted. You guys have been great.

I just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. You are right that God can work wonders in our lives! I am sorry to say that it took the aweful experiance of an affair to wake me up and make me realize what a pathetic excuse for a wife I was. My husband has been home for about 5 months now and the horrible memories are starting to fade. We now have a wonderful marriage and my husband and I are both extremely happy.<p>Keep your faith in God and he will pull you through this! My husband was convicted by the Holy Spirit and came running back to me and to God. He was saved and is continuing to grow as the spiritual leader of our family.<p>I will pray for you!
Le

How can they be in such a fog. For days my husband has been reaching out to me, basically tracking me down. Basically I said well this is a good sign, he would see me and now kiss me on the lips. This morning when he didn't call I immediately knew he spoke with her which is when his demeanor changes. I asked him today had he split up with her and he said he still working at it but right now he hasn't seen her and is staying away for now just to clear his head. I'm going to see him Saturday. We are suppose to spend a good part of the day together as I attend a martial arts session that he is participating in. I thought maybe we could spend sometime alone in the evening so I asked him if I should make arrangements for our daughter so we could spend some time alone and he paused and said no - he didn't want to complicate things. I then said, how long is this suppose to go on. He then procedded to tell me that he can't believe that I've changed and that I could actually overnight be a new person, a new wife. He says that this woman makes him feel specials, that she caresses him and that she pampers him. Talk about cutting me with a knife. I told him that can't he seen the changes in me in just my actions. The fact that I'm still waiting for him, that I've forgiven him, that I'm still loving him, that I've shown him nothing but love, grace and patience should speak for itself. I'm so hurt right now because he is still in this fog. How much more can you take. In the past 30 days he has spent more than $2,000 but I'm still here waiting and ready to love him. I don't know how much more I can take of this. It hurts too much. I thank the Lord because he has pulled me through but I keep saying, my Lord, I'm tired and I can't continue like this. I know in my heart that my husband will come back home eventually but I just believe that the longer he is away the harder it will be to rebuild. I love him dearly and I don't ever want to be without him. The Lord has really blessed me with grace and has helped me with the fruits of the spirit so that even when I get angry, I don't lose control and I continue to show self-control and love. My husband said he's coming to church on Sunday, I pray that he does and that he will be touched by the Lord and come back to his senses like the Prodigal son. Please keep us in prayer. Thanks everyone.