Since my wife confessed to an affair with a former high school acquaintance 3 weeks ago, things have been going fairly well. No thanks to Classmates.com, I see they have a slogan to "rekindle old romances". Yeah, how about "Rekindle old romances and ruin your marriage?"<p>Anyway, I have been fortunate that my wife seems committed to our marriage and says what she did was really stupid and a big mistake. She said her eyes have been opened and it was something that will jumpstart our marriage.<p>Since D-Day, the other guy's wife has sent me a letter telling me about the affair. There was nothing in it that I did not know, except that they were planning a get-together at a convention two weeks ago that did not work. The other wife also claims her husband sent my wife a letter that said some horrible things in it. My wife called him when I was with her and asked him if he did indeed write the letter or if his wife wrote it and had him sign it. He said he did not write the letter. My wife then called him later that day when I was not with her to ask him more about whether he wrote the letter and said those terrible things. She did not tell me she called him until I asked if she had anymore contact with him. That kind of irritated me.<p>Also, his wife called me at home last night to compare notes and my wife was home with me. The other wife wanted to know if my wife was at a convention in another town where her husband was currently. She said she knew my wife had called him several times at work and was disappointed that happened. <p>I feel like I am in-between a mess. My wife tells me what to say to his wife and I fell like saying "this is your mess, you deal with her."<p>Then, after the phone call last night, my wife decides to tell me that she has some "more information" she wants to share with me. I braced myself.......She told me she got a letter from him last week that was basically a good-bye letter and that it was mailed to her at her office and she put it in her desk. She said the letter said something like "I will never forget you" at the end. I was disappointed and asked why she did not tell me right away that she got it and she said she did not know. Something about not wanting to hurt me more and wanting to put all this behind us.<p>I told her how can I trust her if she does not tell me everytime she has any contact with this person. I asked if ther were any more surprises I need to know about and she said there weren't.<p>I don't know if I will ever have blind trust again. I asked her how would I know that she did not call him from a payphone so there would be no records of it and she said she hasn't.<p>I am looking for advice on what to do being in the middle of this situation between my wife and his wife and what to do about her contact with him. I am also wondering if anyone thinks I have a right to see the letter or not.<p>Thanks.

Maian:<p>You both should be in counseling. Period. This is a very tough thing to go through without knowledge. You'll flop around and accuse each other of stupid things, focusing on specific events rather than solving the overall problem, without expert help. Read all you can from this site and from the many recommended publications. That you both want to rebuild your M is a great step.<p>Stop contacting the other man or his wife. If you can agree on a firm, no-nonsense "no contact" letter, write it and send it and ignore ANY AND ALL correspondence from him or his wife from then on. Focus on YOU and your M!<p>"No thanks to Classmates.com, I see they have a slogan to "rekindle old romances". Yeah, how about "Rekindle old romances and ruin your marriage?"<p>I'm seriously considering writing them an email about this problem. I posted info about myself on classmates.com. I've found a couple of old friends that way, which has been a good thing. I won't try corresponding with any woman I was attracted to, though, and would ignore any romantic inquiries from any (I actually think I got one like that a year ago, but the sender wasn't identified, so I trashed it). <p>P.S. The OM and his W also are listed with classmates.com [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Of course you have the right to see the letter.
I would be very suspicious why she would not show it to you. She went off and had a sexual affair with an old boyfriend and you have decided to stay with her. She must prove by word and deed that she is committed to the marriage. The fact that she continues to withhold information from you and has not shown you the letter is a very bad sign and certainly would put into question her true level of committment to you and your marriage.