well just found out my husband had an affair with someone that he bowls with on a league.he saw her every week he bowled.we have a very close relationship and we are like best friends.im having a hard time understanding why?how can you hurt someone so much that you love so much??why?what was he thinking?i wonder if it was maybe because he felt the need to see what its like to be with someone else.im the only woman hes been with.hes 33 yrs old and i know that has to be hard for a man to be that age and all his friends sleep around but he never had that opportunity.he told me it just happend.no other explanation.ive tried and tried.he just wont tell me why.he hates to talk about it too.i told him im just trying to understand why?is it that somethings wrong me? we have been together for 15 yrs now.we have 2 boys together.i have pretty much got past the S PART but stuck on does he love me enough to say no the next time???i hope so.

Hi JH,
Welcome to MB. Sorry to meet this way. I pretty new here too. I've received some great advice from those who have been where we both are. You will be hearing from them. I know this is a very confusing time, full of questions, you may not get the answers to those questions. One book that was suggested I read is "How to survive an affair" by Willard Harley, look in the book store. I'm almost done with it. It has helped me alot. Other books that were suggested was His needs/her needs. Than will be my next book. <p>This place is full of everyone who understands how you feel. You are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way. I find comfort in the advice I have been given.<p>SoM

Thanks i will read it.yes your right i do feel alone,but finding this site has help alot.i dont know how im doing it,but im really coping with it pretty good.im just really scared now more than ever that it will happen again.its like im waiting for it.i hope it dosent ofcourse.i need to find out what i have done that made him do this.what can be changed to stop it from happening again.he expects me to just put it behind us and move on right away.i still have questions that have to be answered in order for me to do that.

Hi Just Happened:<p>I know you will find help here. it is funny how we all gravitate to this site. <p>What was your WS thinking? Nothing. Nothing at all. Keep reading and stay strong. wu

i hate that some days i feel so angry and depressed at the same time.im so scared he will do it again.i wonder if when he says that he loves me that he really means it.we are doing ok right now.it would be nice for it to be back to normal.when we got in an arguement over this when it first happen he screamed yes we got drunk and f@**ked.now thats all i hear over and over in my head.i know he was mad but come on.im the one that have the right to be mad not him.

justhappend, Let me say this, my WH and I were great friends too. Have always had a relationship that was the envy of all of our friends and relatives. Here's how his happened, co-workers to friends to flirting to admiting attraction to each other to more ego feeding to touching to "stealing" a kiss to more kissing and petting to her pressing for sex to him breaking it off. Now yes, at several junctions in all of this, he should have backed off. But remember, all of this was gradual and "felt" right. And it was hard to break off something you've been "egging" on. He's commented that the first time she tried to kiss him and he backed off that he did not say anything because he'd asked for it. We are in great recovery though, and I hope the same for you.

I'm so sorry thet you have to go through this! I also just found out that my H had an A! I always thought that we had a great relationship too! He always treated me great - the woman that moved in on him was my own sister!!! (you can check out my story, if your interested :Hubby had affair with MY SISTER!) We were having a tough time, and she made her move. Are you and your H in therary yet? If not, GO!!! My H and I started right away, and it is making all the difference in the world! I don't have any really great advice like the others here... I myself am trying to deal, but you will find that everyone here is full of great advice - They seem to know exactly what they are talking about!<p>Stay strong and good luck! Things WILL get better!<p>-MC Needs Your Help