Hi Everyone:<p>Well let me just start this by saying I lost my old post somewhere? Can't find it. Found out yesterday that WS is still emailing and calling OW. They talked about him coming to see her again and her possible-yes possible- pregnancy. Yuck. I talked to WS this morning and asked him to leave. I said all the false recoveries are draining my love bank and I am sure my withdrawal after discovery is draining his. To preserve any love we may still have for each other he needs to go and finish his thing. He said he does not see it as an affair. Oh really.lol Whatever. I am so cooked and over done with this. I told him that I loved him and I did not want to lose that and have it turn into hate. I told him that I had to make a decision for me and our children and that I was just not happy. In fact it makes me miserable and every new discovery makes me pull back a little further. He's not even a good lier!!! He still has so much fog talk that I can't even see out the windows in here. I know that I am literally giving him to her but u know what. I would rather live with that one big hurt than to keep putting my heart into this thing and getting slapped back. So be it. On to Plan B. Hello again everyone.<p>[LIST]D_Day November 9, 2001
False recoveries every month since then
Mom passed on October 22, 2001
Have not had time to grieve
Formerly posted under "I threw him out"

wucus,<p>I am sorry to hear this. You did the right thing, put the boundry and let the dog out. You need to focus on you and your kids ... time will tell your faith. You know you will be ready to move on w/ or w/o WS. You have given your best now wait until H is back or your LB$ is foreclosed.<p>I have to go to bring my oldest to salon & run some errand w/ the young. I will be back later tonight.<p>God Bless you -RH-

Thank you RedHat. You are such a sweetie. It is so hard to believe what our spouses give up. I saw your post in Forgiver's thread. Well no one said brains were a requirement for marriage. lol I am so sorry for all you are going throegh. I vacilate from jumping out a window to just why, why, why. I don't know if I have the patience of Forgiver. I just want it to go away. Now!!! I think I am at the medication point. i need something. I am extremely depressed. it is like being back at the beginning only worse. I had hope then. Now just why,why,why. Thank you Red

wucus
I am so sorry hear of all your hurt. I know just how you feel. My h put me though the same thing for months after our first Dday. I finally told him that I was at the end of his 'ride', I wasn't even sure if I was in love with him anymore. I told him he had the chose, he could end all contact with her for good, start MC with me and make our marriage work or leave. After I told him all this he went away for the weekend to think about what he wanted. When he came home he told me he was going to leave. I think that when I told him I would help him pack he realized I was not going to back down and let him have his cake and eat it too. He broke down and told me that he didn't want to leave but that he was afraid that he would just hurt me again. I told him then leave because he was not going to hurt me anymore, someone who loves you should not hurt you so much. He called the MC to set up our first meeting the next day and stopped all contact with the ow and we have not looked back since. I know that if I had not be strong and told him to leave when I did his fog would never have lifted and we would not be in a wonderful recovery now. I know that it is hard to tell the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with to leave but sometimes it is the best wake up call you can give them. Good luck to you.

Why thank you Ellyn and all: I am doing just fine. Forgiver is my hero. lol I asked H again to leave this morning. I calmly told him his options. End contact or leave and go be with her. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. lol. He is something. A real charmer with so many problems it is pathetic. Through all of this I have come to the conclusion and someone posted it to me and it hit home. I AM TOO GOOD FOR THIS MAN. I am by no means perfect but damn I am a whole lot better than this.<p>Not only is my H addicted to the OW but to drugs and alcohol. He goes through major depressions, has not worked in a year. Quits jobs at the drop of a hat. Has anger issues, race issues, emotional issues. What a winner. So in a way I am saying you can have him. You, OW, deserve him.<p>He had the nerve to tell me that me and OW are saying two different things. She will take him unconditionally and I will take him with conditions. Yes, leave her alone!!!!! Damned right I have conditions and I always will.<p>Anyway he took our girls to see their grandfather. An 1 1/2 hour drive away. he asked me if I was sure I did not want to go. I said yes I was sure. What I did not say was that I don't like to be around him. I am tired of Plan A behavior because I have been so nice and loving. I have tried to meet his needs but he just spits in my face. So I will Plan B until he leaves physically. I will not argue I will just try not to be around him at all or as little as possible.<p>I told him my preference was for him to leave. I know for sure he will go to be with her. She offered to buy him a ticket and take care of him financially. Ha, Ha good. What a fool. But I asked him to stay until our daughters started in summer camp so I did not have to take time off work. I have taken so much time already and since I will be alone I need to save up some time in case of an emergency. That will be June 24th. My question is how am I supposed to act around him until then. I want him to leave with a positive impression of me but I am really not in the mood for bull****. Right before he leaves I will tell him not to contact me at all. That I hope he can overcome the addiction to OW but until then he has no place in my life. He will be in Sweden. We live in chicago, il. <p>I know exactly what will happen and what I am hoping will happen. The relationship will get real. She is pregnant supposedly. He will miss me and his children. He will start to email me the same mushy crap he did her. But my conditions are like a fort over this marriage. They will remain. Any advice on my question? Thanks all, wu

Hey Wuccus,<p>Sorry to hear about the false recovery but it happens more often than not. Well how to act in the interim? As best as you can. Get him to catch up on all unfinished projects, business around the house, etc. <p>JMHO,

wucus,<p>Sorry I am late in replying back ... I am soo busy with my 2D, OM's W (she is really remind me of Honey, Orchid talked to her once ...) and tending a big hole in my heart. Anyway, you have support from many MBer already, that is good.<p>Yes, no thing that BS could do but wait ... the most improtant thing is what do you do while waiting. Pick up new hobby, new activity, new schedule for yourself while you keep your kids's schedule and everything else as normal as possible !. Mine revolves around my 2 D ... when she had them I don't know what to do !. I was "a single dad" w/ no help from nobody for almost 7 months before my WW moved out from OM's apartment last month. I won't be swimming w/ the shark ... LOL !!! but I think I will enjoy my time off. I will be taking my 6 weeks sabatical to match my 2 D summer activity [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . They will make it to National Roller Skating Championship, both of them are very talented then Maui beach. White sands brings special meaning to me, I will be there snorkeling minus the shark [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Plan ... plan & plan. Plan your next 6 months as if you are Dv and a single mom minus dating. The more you plan out the quicker you are moving toward self recovery. If WS is back, stay on the boundry ... make them show and gain your trust back ... send them toward Jennifer or Steve and make them plan A'ng you. This is very important, you don't need this M ... you need a better M than it was and you know what it is [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I decrease my present here since I don't want to give my 2 D false impressions. I need to give my undivided attention to them. Please keep posting and help around MB ... there are so many of them coming & posting.<p>God Bless you -RH-

RedHat:<p>God Bless You. I wish you and your daughters well. You are truly a God send. Thank you. wu <p>Hey Orchid: I guess I needed to hear that. This is the most vicious thing in the world. I just keep wondering how someone who professes love could treat another this way. wu<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: wucus ]</p>