Today was one of those down days. I guess blue would be a better description.<P>Anyhow we have a friend I'll call her L.<BR>She is a wonder full person, but she is the most negstive individual I know. 3 years ago she had an affair that lasted two years. Last summer she divorsed her H. When all this started L gave me advice, I mean she had experience right. All she saw was IT'S OVER. Her mom is on H #5, so she doesn't have good marital examples. L told me get a lawyer, take the money out of bank, kick her out, you keep Abbey, you have to "protect" youself. In my pain I acted out on my feelings, while my gut was screaming WAIT find out whats going to happen. L also told me she won't stop seeing OB. Robin ended A came home humble and WILLING and remorseful. What did I do, I unloaded all of what I had done on her. BOOOM!!! Nuclear LB. Since then I've been trying to win back my W. R ran straight to OB. I have a huge resentment towards L. <P>Fast forward to now. Robin has chosen L as a confidant. Yea,I know great, miss negative herself advising my W. I've been avoiding L because of her Negativity. Last night I talked to L about my W. BIG MISTAKE!! My good feelings and optomism have vanished. Come to find out she has been validateing Robins feelings telling her it's ok and all that crap. She's kind of cosigning Robins actions, with thats how you feel. L know damn well feelings aren't facts. She's been through this and knows it's fantacy, why she doesn't tell Robin this is beyond me. <P>Last night when I talked to L she pretty much told me my marriage is over, I need to move on, it's legal for me to date. This from a girl that's moving her son in with her shack-up boyfriend. I guess she doesn't under stand the sanctity of marriage. When things go bad, bail. I told her what I was doing as far as plan-aing at every oportunity. She says whatever, Robin says she's in love with OB. I say SO WHAT!!! that doesn;t make it ok. <P>I believe in Dr.H's principles, so far it's the only thing thats yeilded any results. So now I have to spend the next few days getting my hope back up, all because of one NEGATIVE friend that probably thinks I'm a fool for not kicking her to the curb. I realy wish I hadn't listened to L when this started. I truly believe that my marriage would be well into recovery. Oh, somthing else she said, it was about Abbey, " she'll be fine she's small enough she won't know what's happening, and besides kids are tough"<BR>BS she needs to see how messed up her 6 year old son is because of her divorce. What L can't comprehend is Abbey's safe family has been destroyed just like her son's. Small children are way smarter than we give them credit for.<P>I hate how NEGATIVE people effect people going through hard times.<P>Cheer me up guys I need it.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill this friend of your is no friend. Plus she is a total ditz(sp), dingaling and everything else. I am sorry your wife took her in her confidence now. But you need to be smarter, don't talk to this woman about anything to do with you and your family. People like this thrive on the confusion they cause. And if she keeps telling you things don't listen. There is no telling if what she is saying is the truth and no telling what she is telling your W. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I know how you feel about negative friends. It seems that people are too willing to give up and society has taught people that divorce happens everyday -so why not walk away?? It is hard for my friends to understand that even knowing about H's affair, I still want to work things out and get our marriage back. They suggest I file and 'get it over with'. I know H's friends (AND FAMILY - don't get me started )are telling him the same thing. I pray that the man I married who had the same convictions and beliefs as me will find his way above all that - and of course, eventually back to me! Good luck.

Oh yaaaaa, I have one of those friends also... so well-meaning... YEAH RIGHT!<P>Bill, it isn't easy being in your position, and you turned to someone you thought could give you good advice... okay, she didn't give you good advice, so you just do what you think is right from now on, okay?<P>By the way, not only did I turn to evil-friend, I have a mother who'd like to see my marriage end, as well as some others... there are always those who thrive on the crisis of others, at least when they aren't in crisis themselves, and this friend of yours sounds like one of those!<P>Ick.<P>By the way, she may be a wonderful person otherwise, just don't take marital advice from her, okay?<P>~Sheryl

Hey Bill, don't be down! I was getting my inspiration from you and your success. Get back in that positive mode, its alot easier to handle things then don't you think? Lora

I had to edit this. I re-read it and thought it was too mean...sorry.... <p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited December 13, 1999).]

SDS, the real problem With L, is I sit next to her all day at work, she's my boss, and W and I have been friends with her since junior high. She does mean well her ideology follows the worlds teachimng and beliefs.<P>Student wife, people wonder whats wrong with society and it's stareing them in the face. It's a fundimental break donw of the family.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Will...this L is no friend of yours. I just hate what she is doing to your family. Do not confide in her. She can't even live her own life right. What makes her think that she is giving good advice when her life is all screwed up?<P>Just keep doing what you are doing...the Plan A. Hang in there!

Bill - there's one in every crowd. And your wife will seek them out because they say what she thinks she wants to hear. <P>Don't let it throw you. Keep on doing what you're doing. She'll see the light IN SPITE of this so-called friend. And maybe even because of her.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

I know I had one of those friends she wasn't my boss but the teacher next door and my co teacher ugh!!!! But you know I got pretty goo at letting it go in one year and out the other. There was a saying that was something like "consider the source" Just don't tell her anything. I know it is hard I would blow it ever so often. but keep thinkin what is she telling my W? {{{{HUG}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited December 13, 1999).]

N_B, you are right no more marital advice from her.<P>Lora, have no fear my optimism is returning with even more resolve.<P>NT, you correct in your asumption she has low morals. <P>Lori, you always have such a positive outlook<P>Thanks all for helping to put the silver lining back in my cloud.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Bill,<P>Definately agree with SDS. This woman is not your friend nor you W's. They say misery loves company. It seem that this "person", [being nice here only because of the holidays or I would call her a B***H, OOPPS, did I say that out loud?] is getting ready for a pity party complete with an open bar and inviting your W to attend. Sure we have a lot to say and it's great when someone wants to listen and help. She is just listening and not helping you in the least bit. Looks like she has some unresolved issues.<P>Its a crime because Robin is in a very confused state of mind and probably believes that Loser is sincere in trying to remedy your current situation.<P>The best thing that you could do is shoot Loser in the head point blank with a high power rifle complete with laser sights and use hollow point bullets. Make sure to lay plastic down first and wear rubber gloves so you don't have powder on your hands. <P>Second best thing is to completely avoid her and inform Robin that the advise she is receiving may be corrupted and onesided. Look at Losers family. Mom is on H #5? Obviously the Liz Taylor syndrome.<P>Yeah, maybe children bounce back. On the other hand so do basket balls. <P>Mean [or negative] people suck!<P>Hang tough Buddy<BR><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Medic,<P>I have run that senareo( I can't spell) a couple of times. My version is with my <BR>COLT 1911 .45 ACP. <P>WOW that was kinda mean. L is one of my best friends she just stinks at relationship advice. Her brother who is my best friend has been married 14 years to the SAME woman, he's been a big help. You'd love his ideas on how to deal with OB.<P>I did tell Robin L's advice is "tainted".<P>R knows that she has isolated herself from evetone else and L is the only one that can <BR>"identify" with her feelings.<P>We'll see what happens.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Do any of his ideas have something to do with a meat slicer, large amounts of electricity and a Pagan motorcycle gang that has been on the road for many weeks? <P>Or how about a big rusty knife that Crocodile Dundee had that would surely give someone lockjaw, explosives and a good talking to from my SIL? <P>Now wer'e talking.<P>Medic

Those are all good ideas I'lll let him know.<P>He's thinging a couple of tractor trailer batteries, jumper cables and a shower.<P>Or maybe some good old fashioned chinese torture; bamboo under the fingernails, breaking all his bones one at a time, or cutting off pieces of skin cooking them then feeding it to him.<P>He's even thought of hireing a 280 lb ex con that likes skinny red- neck boys.<P>I need to stop this is staring to sound tempting. hahaha<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey boys,<P>Don't forget the gin, a rope and a block of ice (go back to Columbo episode #83, where you get the guy passed-out drunk, put his head through noose, stand him on the block of ice and then leave. The ice melts and it looks like he killed himself.)

I think a bag of dope and 18 Budwieser cans(empty of course)would fit his MO better the Gin would look like foul play.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Okay, Bill... rewritten <P>And just for effect, next to the block of ice you can have a box of "Pull Ups" - given his delicate age... and hey, if you can stand it, put one on him first!

If we put the pull up on him it won't look like he wet his little britches. We have to explain the puddle from the ice.<P>I only hope that the Charlotte PD doesn't have a Columbo.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

What's wrong with you guys? You have to use DRY ICE so there is no puddle!<P>One other thing NB, How do you get him to stand on the ice if he's FUD?<P>Do I have to think of everything?<P>I have been at many crime scenes and was taking notes. <P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>