My first post at this site. A little history. <p>Married 22 yrs with 2 d's, ages 13 and 11. Second marriage for both of us. 3 stepkids from W's former marriage. Early 2002, W says she has contact with her ex---wants to continue to "chat" w/him. I explode--tell her to go see him and get this resolved. She says no and we both drop the subject. Late april, W says she's taking a few days to be w/stepdaugther and grandkids. I take care of ours while she's gone. Turns out she met ex instead. Now she is planning a vacation w/our kids, step-d and grandkids and will be seeing him again. Claims she has something for him, but doesn't know what, except that she's cold to me. <p>W also claims that I didn't treat the stepkids right and that started the problem. Also said that she was now independent and strong and liked being on her own (yet she's on the PC every day emailing him and sitting there waiting for response). She's has been emailing him daily, talking w/him on her cell phone, sending cards. Doesn't bother to keep it a secret from me---talks to him while I'm home. Ex is also married right now. W is giving him advice on divorce. I have some of their emails exchanged in mid May---love letters expressing need to be together, etc. <p>I've been making some changes. Spending time with our kids and trying to repair R w/stepchildren. Seems to be a good thing. But W is cold and unresponsive. Wouldn't go to counseling (I went once alone recntly). <p>W and ex have at least an EA, possibly PA, don't know. <p>No physical contact between us, little conversation, I'm on the big rollercoaster and waiting for the other shoe to drop. W leaves for vacation in 2 days to meet ex. <p>There's more, but this is a general idea of what's happening. I don't deny that she has been unhappy and I've caused most of it. But she gives no indication that she wants to try to resolve it and rekindle a new love. <p>Where do I start ? <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Hi and welcome to MB. <p>Sorry you are here and you are right, this is the worst roller coaster ride ever made. It pops up in all the cities around the world!!! <p>For starters, please read the concepts section at the top of the page. It will give you a brief overview of the info and tools here. Read the books they recommend like suriviving an affair and his needs/her needs for starters. Do you have a MC or someone you can talk with? If not, Steve and Jennifer do have phone counseling here or if you are near them you can have one in person. I have talked with Steve and he is good. I have heard good things about Jennifer also. It is their father that wrote those books and I believe that Jennifer helped co-write some also. <p>Read the info and learn about plan a and plan b. Then let us know what you think. <p>You may hear a lot of confusing babble from your W which may hurt your heart and make you question your santity. That is very normal and the pain is intense. You may also suffer physical problems (depression and anxiety attacks, lack of appetite, etc.). If you do, please see your physician. <p>We can not solve your problems here but you may find out some things that can help you. Also the marriage builders info is a great help. <p>Again, welcome to MB.

Hi Orchid<p>I'll read up on the concepts and plan A/B. Thanks. <p>Things a little worse here today, if that's possible. W has taken off her wedding ring, no doubt in preparation for vacation and meeting with ex. Nothing I can do about it I expect. I'll read. Thanks.

Hi, <p>For now at this stage you are right. Funny how guys seem to have more sense in these kinds of times than some of us women. However, when you guys hurt it is deep. <p>I know you are hurting inside. There is a lot to learn. More than I can explain in one post. <p>I can share 1 point. At this time you really can not TEACH or SHOW her anything. She is not going to listen to you. Regardless of what it is due to, she is a wild and rebellious child. What her and her xh are doing is now bad to 2 families. They will do it to each other also. There was a reason why they did split up in the first place. <p>So for now let her go. The sooner and harder she falls from this A, the better chances the A has of dying. For you it would be better if that A dies at her choosing. <p>Right now you need to strengthen yourself and look after your family. She may even lose sight of that responsibility. <p>take care,

Well, wife and kids have been on vacation since last Wednesday. I haven't spoken with my children since Thursday as she doesn't call and doesn't answer her cell phone. <p>Her ex-husband has been meeting them each day and staying nearby at night. I'm worried about our kids being exposed to him, but his 2 daughters are there as well and he has the right to see them. Yet, for 22 years he had no contact with them until now that he is back involved with my wife. <p>Is his presence there out-of-bounds ? Should I be upset about it or is it ok if they behave themselves in front of our children ?