I don't have a handle on all the abbreviations so....Suspected my W of having a long distance affair. Visiting her friends in another state. I trusted her, had no reason not to. I recently realized I suffer for GAD and co-dependency and it has made my wife miserable. I take responsibility for that and am getting help. I noticed more time on the phone and internet with the door closed, being secretive. Gained access to an email account with only 1 person (OM) in the directory. It became quite obvious from the text what was has been going on. I confronted her and she denied it. Refused to look at the proof. Anyone else have a similiar experience? Have a little boy and really want to rebuild. Any suggestions, hope.....

Reddog,<p>Welcome to Marriagebuilders and I'm sorry you have a need to be here. You'll find lots of people here in very similar situations to yours (unforunately) and get lots of support, advice and guidance.<p>Be sure you read ALL parts of this site. I know the last thing you want to do right now is spend alot of time reading but you'll soon realize the importance of it. <p>An important post for you to start with...General Welcome for All New Builders Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 <p>First, take care of YOU! Struggling through this is extremely hard and draining. You'll have to be strong which involves taking care of you. And again, I want to stress,,READ. All parts of this site, the post that I linked you to and the links contained in that post.<p>Reddog, your marriage CAN be saved. And eventually, it can be a better marriage than you ever imagined. Lots of patience and hard work but it IS possible. <p>Post here often. Also try General Questions II. Quite a few more posters on there. Respond to your repliers so they know you read their posts and considered their suggestions or appreciated their support. <p>Good luck to you Reddog....and hang in there!!

Hey reddog. I have a very similar sitch as you. W of 22 yrs is having an EA long distance with OM---HER EXHUSBAND, no less. She left him the first time after what she called "7 wasted years" of her life. Since Feb. she's been talking to him, sending emails and cards. She actually told me in Feb. that she had contact with him and wanted it to continue. I blew up and that pushed her even further away from me. She lied to me about a weekend with our duagther in April and meet the ex instead. Today the wife left on a 2 week vacation and she's told me that she'll be seeing him.<p>Forget the OM. They're a pain in the butt, but (double buts ?) they aren't the real problem. The real problem was something in our R with the W's. That's what we have to work on and hope that our changes make it difficult for them to chose between us and the OM. <p>To do this, I think we need to be "in control". Project a positive attitude--"never let them see you sweat". Smile (they can't stand that at first, it seems--later I hear they like it). And take care of yourself. I haven't and I look like crap. Eat, get some rest, exercise, enjoy some time doing things you like to do. It all helps to keep your spirits up and in the mood to fight for your wife back. Good luck and take care.

To Onalimb: Thanks for the positive response, those things you mentioned that you did sound like good common sense to me. It sure can't hurt to be those things. You are right though, I basically need to be positive and move forward with my recovery and project that to my wife. The need to stay with our marriage and family must be greater than going to the other man. I've already begun the process of recovery for my issues, and my wife agreed to go to counseling. I am not sure if its for show, or to appease me or prove something. I am trying hard not to have any expectations about this. If its meant to be then it will happen. It is her choice. She is still in denial and blame (for me)mode though. In all honesty my focus is on helping myself, rebuilding our marriage and raising our son. But right now I know the truth, she knows it and she knows that I know it. She may come clean some day though counseling, but for me I see little gain by confronting her and trying to get her to admit it. My head is not buried in the sand, the facts speak for themselves and I am facing the reality.
Thanks again, I will be working on it, hopefully that may be we working on it in time [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]