Yeah! For some things, nothing beats its never having happened in the first place. <sigh>

Hi MC,

You are doing fine.

You know,it is easy to trust and fall in love with someone we are getting to know. It is hard to trust someone who hurt and betrayed us. It takes longer to rebuild than to start from scratch. From the threads I've read in recovery, it sounds like it is well worth it. (I peak over there so I can get some hope for the future)

Take care. Are the girls excited to move? Is your family going to help at all?

Just so you know, your not alone. I don't have a sister, so my H. had an affair with my cousin, and messed around with my bestfriend (that is 2 of the 24 women he cheated with)
It is two years since I found out, I love him, I am still working on forgiveness, but realize that he was very sick and addicted to sex...and yes many many women don't give a damn if a guy is married, they go after them, showing their breasts, and essentially hitting every testosterone button they can push, till they get what they want. But of course, as I tell my husband, you could always have just said, no thanx.

Anyway, you can survive, you may never be able to have a relationship with your sister.

I am still furious at my cousin, but what has helped me the most is praying for her (I couldn't do this for the first year as I cursed her and wished her husband would have an affair so she could experience the pain that I was going through) but I am past that now, and realize that she is/was also sick and addicted to sex..I found out she did the same thing to another cousin's husband. So, she and my husband had the same addictions (achohol and sex)
If your husband is going to counseling, you are on the right track. You need to get in there too and deal with your anger at your sister, your husband, and any other issues that come up.

I have a better relationship with my husband than we ever had before, its honest, and he has really changed into a great partner, instead of me being the servant (of his sexual and other needs)

You will make it.

Again, suggest prayer.
best wishes.

avemaria

What really bothers me the most is the thought that my sister would do this to me on purpose! Yes, my H could have said no, but she turned him against me telling him that I was such a b*tch, and soooooo mean to him. (BULL) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

She used the fact that we were having problems to her advantage. I honestly think this was her plan from the beginning! She has always been a jealous person, she always got mad when others had more than her! ("the grass is always greener...")

I'm just sick of hearing that there is nothing I can do about this situation. Why does an evil, sick person like her get to do this to me and my H, and we have to just sit back and take it??? When does she get what SHE deserves???

Why do they ("sister", and her H) get to tell ANYONE who will listen that my H is a predator??? SHE IS THE PREDATOR!!!! She preys on married men, then destroys their lives!!! She has even gloated in the past about the pain the OM's W was put through... "if she took care of him..." What a bunch of sh*t!!! Maybe if these women with no morals could get a grip on reality, they would stop contributing to the BS's pain!!!

It takes TWO to tango... if ONE person chooses NOT to dance, then the dance won't happen!!!

Why can't these OW LEAVE OUR H'S ALONE, and get their own man!!!

I can't deal anymore... I REALLY HATE my "sister"! Forgive her? NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!!! I hope that someday she has to feel the same pain she has inflicted on others!!!

****deep breath****

Sorry about that.

I will survive this, she can't break me. I will survive this, she can't break me. I will survive this, she can't break me...

-mcnyh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

MC,
She is really not getting away with anything. She only thinks she is. One day, it will all catch up with her. If there is one thing I have learned in my 41 years, is that what goes around comes around. Some day, it will ALL blow up in her face, and when it does, it will blow big time. So big, she will not be able to lie her way out. So, sit back and enjoy the show when it happens. (you do not need to do anything to help. It will happen on its own.)

Sue -- Thank you. I knew this, but I guess I need to be reminded sometimes.

When this DOES blow up in her face... I want a front row seat! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You're the BEST!!!

-mcnyh

ditto

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Relate -- I am sorry, I did not mean to shove my "life" down your throat... I am just happy that I found this site! It has been a lifesaver to me.

Sue -- I hope your day is going well!!!

-mcnyh

Hey MC, this is your big sister here (or shall I say "Good" sister). I am soooo glad that you have had support from some wise people, especially you Sue, to help you where I haven't. It has been very hard for me to deal with the fact that one sister betrayed another. I love you and I am on your side. I told you day-1 that it was nobody's decision but yours whether or not to try to save your marriage. I think you made the right choice, but in spite of that, as Sue said, I am having a hard time forgiving your H for what he did to you (but I promise you that I amd working on it!). Nobody in the family believes anything the "other" says, but it is very hard to figure out how to handle it. We didn't want to set her off to do what she did anyway (involving the police), we all kind of hoped it would fizzle, and her H would force her to get help. I have talked to him several times and stated he needed to force the issue, but he
is a wimp.

Hang in there, I have talked to everyone in the family, they are all on your side, even though you don't see it yet. We are all trying to get past what was done to our little sister! It hurts!

And by the way, there is NO family rule not to upset the "other"sister. We just can't figure out how to handle it without hurting the kids too.
They are too young to have to explain to that their mom is so twisted.

Any advise is welcome, I may be the oldest, but I am NOT the wisest.

Thanks to all those who have helped my baby sister, (she always was my favorite, and she knows it!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi MC & Bigsister,

MC, you are so lucky to have a sister like her. I think I told you big sisters have a tendancy to be a bit overprotective of the baby sisters. I know I am, I'm the 3rd of 8 kids, 7 of us girls. I'm also labeled the bossy sister, the pushy sister, the over bearing sister, they all know I mean well, so they tolerate me

Bigsister, I'm glad you came here to help MC. Maybe someday the other sister can see she needs help.

Here is something off subject. I see a chiropractor for a bad neck and shoulder. The chiropractor office is practically in my back yard so I walk there. On my way, there was a bong in the parking lot to his office. Well, really, there is about 5 businesses and the parking lots all merge into one big lot. So, I called the police to come get it. I thougth about putting it in my trash, then I decided I didn't want that thing in my trash. The police can dispose of it properly.

When do the leaves start to turn in NY. In northern MN, it should start in about a month, my area closer to late september or october. I love the colors the leaves turn. We planted a "burning bush" this past spring. The leaves are supposed to turn a very bright orange. I cannot wait.

Take care.

Sue -- I am lucky to have my "big sister", she is like my mini-mom!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The leaves change about the same time as by you. I am goint to miss seeing all the trees near my house when I move <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ... (living in the "country", and moving to the suburbs...) I am also going to miss the bald eagles that nest about 8 miles away from me!!!

But as you know, moving is the best thing for me!

By the way, my Big sister agrees with me that you are awesome, and should be a counselor! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for everything!

-mcnyh

What time do you get up? I've noticed alot of your posts are early AM. I'm trying to get up at that time. (I have to get better at it. School starts in a couple of weeks).

Thanks for the compliment. You know, it is easier to see others situations objectively than your own. Also, it helps that I have been through this once before. (unfortunately).

Sometimes I keep hoping that maybe I am wrong and that nothing is going on with my H, (but who am I kidding). So I just do what I have to and hang in there. It is easy for me, I learned years ago how to separate myself from my feelings. I cannot do it long term, but for short periods of time I can do it, then I feel the emotions and then separate again. It gets me through what I need to do. Eventually I will have to face it, and I will, when the time is right.

Your H sounds like a real gem, and I mean it. Yes, he messed up big time, but as you have seen from others posts, he is so willing to work with you on this vs the major fog stuff.

Your bigsister also is a gem. You have some really good people on your side.

Is your oldest ready for school yet, or does she have another year to go?

How far from the country are you moving? Does anyone in your family live in the country? If so, you can always visit them to get your country "fix". For most people making this decision to move so soon would not be wise. In your case, and with your H so willing, it is the best for your family. (Besides you are getting the house you wanted) Does it have a good size yard? In some of the newer developments here, the yards are so puny and the houses are so big they take up most of the yard. I grew up in a 3 BR home with a decent size lot. I refused to settle for anything smaller. My H, grew up in trailer homes, and apartments, and small city houses with small lots, so we had a problem house hunting. He didn't understand why a yard is important for kids, until now. He plays ball with the kids in the yard, he could not do that in his moms yard

Sue - the only other person who lives out here is "her", so I think I will stay away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Our new house has a GREAT yard!!! Half of it is in the shade in the morning... the other in the evening!!!

I am lucky that I have another year with my oldest before she starts school.... I am NOT looking forward to the first day she steps on a bus!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm glad you posted... I was starting to worry...

Is everything OK?

-mcnyh

Everthing is fine. Been very busy, buying school books, getting organized for school for myself. Soccer tournament, hockey sign ups, dance sign ups, work, school shopping for the boys, wondering if I should sell my first born to afford all of this, (just kidding).

I still remember both boys first days. They looked so little getting on the bus. I drove them to the bus (bus stop is at daycare, I went to work late). Then I drove to the school to meet them there so it would be less scarry for them. I cried. My babies were in school. Preschool was no big deal for me, because it was not like public school, which is a milestone in their lives.

Enjoy this year, and take pictures of their first day.

Your new house sounds wonderful. (Can I move in? Just kidding)

I have one more year of school for myself, and then I have to take state boards, then I am a RN yeah)

I forgot,
thanks for worrying. It feels good to know someone cares.

Hi MC

I suppose you are going to be very busy for the next few weeks. Have fun moving.

Can I just say that you WILL get over this terrible thing, and although it wasn't my sister, it was my best girlfriend with my H. I have completely extracated my life from hers. It is very powerful to do that.

TNP -- I have actually felt better without "her" in my life! I no longer have to deal with her daily "jabs" at me!!! (always insulting me, etc.)

I have my big sister, and I am happy with that! "she" is the one who is now alone! (except her H)

Sue -- Now that our move is getting closer, I am starting to feel more calm!!! The thought of being far from "her" is very comforting! "She" can live her twisted lifestyle, and I will never again have to hear her stories about her "OM"!!!

By the way, since my big sister read my thread... I think she has a better understanding of what I am going through... She told me that she was glad you found me and have been helping me so much! I think reading this has helped her deal with this too!!!

I hope you are doing well!

-mcnyh

I'm doing fine. I'm glad this helped your sister to understand some.

Even though her M is not in trouble, she may learn a thing or two out here on how to keep her M alive and happy. It is what we all wanted when we got M.

I'm envious of you. We have thougth about moving. Right now, we cannot do too much about it. Not while I'm in school. My H wants to buy a house on a lake (too spendy) and too far away from the metro area. The better jobs are closer to the metro area. And I will not drive 1 hour each way. I want to move to where I grew up which is the next city over. The area I live in, one suburb is right next to the next. I like it. But then again, it is all I have ever known. Hockey fees are cheaper where I want to live vs where we live now. I can save 200.00 for both boys if we lived there. Any other sport the kids play, we can sign them up for any community we want to, except Hockey. That one you have to sign up where you live. The city we live in is the second cheapest for Hockey in the area.

Sue -- I am having a BAD day!!! While talking with my big sister, I found out that while "she" was over at her house yesterday, she was spreading more lies about my H!!! The B*TCH had the gall to say (and I quote) "It's not that I don't like (my name), I just have to do the right thing." LIKE??? LIKE??? What kind of crap is that??? Don't most peolpe LOVE their siblings???? She is such an evil person! It was not even "care about"... it was "LIKE"!!!

She just keeps twisting the knife!!! She KNOWS that big sister will talk to me... why does she keep trying to plant seeds of doubt in my head!??!!??!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! When will "she" get what she deserves????????

Why do I have to be victimized by her.... again, and again, and again...

I really HATE her for this!!! I know she is trying to cause problems for me and my H... But after his A... of course I am going to be an easy target for her... Why wouldn't I question him, right???

Right now, the "teary graemlin" does not even begin to describe how I feel. I want to go to bed, and stay there...

I need your wisdom please!!!

-mc DESPERATLY needs your help