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#415253 06/28/02 11:13 AM
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Ashirley,
I tore up the card from OM, it is in the trash. I haven't reached for the candy in my drawer. I think I might be o.k.! I hate this weight issue also and the feeling of always looking good. People say I am good looking and I must admit I like attention from men so I think I might be gaining weight to put up a barrier. Another of my "theories." I heard a joke and I can't remember it but it was something about women losing weight and that those were the ones having A's. I thought it was funny at the time, but now I believe it is true. It is not from must my experience but from watching other women also. Men probably do the same thing.

#415254 06/29/02 12:38 AM
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Sparkle,
I know exactly how you feel about the weight and how (we) had lost because of loss of appetite, etc. I too hate it and wish I had a better appetite surpressant than unrequited (sp) love!

I also feel exactly like you do regarding all of those reasons why we won't leave our H's, all of the reasons to make it work, etc., don't change our feelings for the OM at all. To be totally honest, I still feel as strongly about the OM as I did on day one. The main thing that's changed is my will power and being able to overcome the desire to reach out...I spent so much time feeling horrible like I didn't know how I could go on, etc., but I have and I do and each day gets better and each day I feel luckier and luckier that my H has hung in there with me. Love is a very strange thing.

I feel like we are both going to be fine. We'll be happy with our H's; but we will always have a secret fantasy world in our minds where we run into our OM's arms and everything is perfect. A fantasy is okay (not ideal) but okay. The problem is when we mix reality and fantasy together...

I'm going away until Monday night and probably won't be able to get on the computer...so hang in there! I'm pulling for you (and me!)

I like you Sparkle, you're a wonderful person and you've really helped me more than you will ever know.

Take care,
AS

#415255 06/29/02 12:40 AM
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P.S. I'm really impressed with you tearing up the card. Very good progress...now just try not to respond to him!

Show him how strong, determined, and wonderful you are!

#415256 06/29/02 12:47 AM
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Yes, love is strange. I am really wanting to call the OM today and reminisce. That is another reason I thought it was finally time to end it with OM, it seemed that all we were doing was commisserating about what we were giving up in life and talking about what might have been. What kind of a relationship is that any way? We could't do anything fun together anymore since we had no legitimate reason to see one another (like when we worked together).

#415257 06/28/02 01:09 PM
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Ashirley,
OM just called for my birthday. His situation is so different from mine. His wife is angry, yells, drinks too much, has tried to kill herself twice etc. Definitely no a plan A person and makes me appreciate what my H has done. Anyway, he called and we talked and I was pretty cold to him but asked about his situation with his W. I am having a hard time not trying to be his friend and listen to his problems but I know I can't. I don't think he'll call again but I knew today would be hard since it was a year ago when we thought we had decided to be together etc. I think I handled it o.k. and I am starting to think I'd rather be with my H than him and that is so important to me.

#415258 07/26/02 09:11 PM
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Wow - Sparkles and Ashirley - you could both be me! (Except that I'm not a far along as you are - I haven't told my husband.) But I am working on no contact and just found your thread. It was extremely helpful and leaves me wondering what happened after June 28! I've posted a lot on the General Questions section, but will check back here to see how things are going with you two. Your honesty makes me feel so much better and your experiences and successes give me hope!

#415259 07/29/02 10:36 AM
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It is a challenge every day to get through the day not contacting the OM. It is still the most difficult thing I have faced. I met OM last Friday after 6 weeks apart. It was wonderful as always but afterwards I felt guilty and I really saw that that the joy of the few hours together wasn't worth the way I felt about myself afterwards. The things I've learned most through MB is that this is an addiction. I do love my H but I am addicted to the feelings of the A. Do you work with the OM? It is amazing to me that it seems that most A's start at work where you spend so much time together and see each other at your best. I haven't heard from AShirley for so long and am wondering how she is doing. I have a long road ahead -- my husband knows about the A but he thinks contact ended months ago and I don't have the heart to tell him otherwise. The good thing is I can feel the addiction lessening but still I must say it hasn't gone away and as I said, last week I fell back into my old pattern but I'm going to get through today. My weekends are find but workdays are so tough as I am out here on my own in an environment where I have constant reminders of OM.

#415260 07/30/02 12:53 AM
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Yes, I work with OM, but I'm a teacher and haven't seen him since school let out. (Except once last week and even though I thought I was doing well in withdrawal, interacting with him and getting one little kiss set me back more than I ever could have imagined!) I'm excited for school to start again, and dreading it all at the same time. It is easier now to look back on my actions of this past year and think, "That is NOT ME! How could I have let this happen?" I build my resolve to discontinue this whole crazy A, but am worried what will happen when I have to see him everyday. Arghh! I hate this!

#415261 07/29/02 01:01 PM
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neverthought- I have been a teacher too and can imagine your fear at school starting again. Are you a Christian? I am, and my faith has helped me a lot, and it also adds to the guilt I feel because I Know the A is wrong, but my heart is still attached to the OM. It really does help to focus on doing fun things with your H and your children. I am actually looking forward to being with my H again, something I thought would never be possible a year ago. Can you tell me more about your situation. I suppose you've read much of mine on this thread but if I can answer any questions let me know. This site has been great for answers, help and support but as you may have noticed most of the discussion forum is for the BS's and not the WW. I am glad you found this thread because I as still looking forl help as my first post indicated. Support is a great help in overcoming the A.

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